Hello! My hubs and I have have been married about a year and a half and will be together 6 years in July. We're very happy together. We rarely fight, have good communication and a loving, tender relationship. He is so good to me and I try to be the best for him. The love isn't the issue.
While the next little bit isn't the issue either, I want to put this out there: I am currently pregnant and due mid August with our second child. My sex drive has been literally down to nothing this entire pregnancy and sex is very occasional. I have no drive for it whatsoever. I have made efforts when I can to do things for him, but it's very hard for me. The first few months I felt very ill (I didn't get physically ill luckily, but I felt horrible for months). I couldn't bare the idea of sex and I think we were intimate maybe 2 times for the first 3 months.
During the second trimester, I think we had sex 4-5 times. I'm now working on month 8 and I think we've only had sex 2 times during this 3rd trimester.
I have talked openly to him about my literal dry spell. We touch, caress and cuddle daily. I rub his back and we kiss all the time. He feels loved and he assures me he understands how this could be affecting me and this is out of my control, but here's the thing (I know, finally getting to the point lol)...
I am reverting to my shy self when we do have sex. I do hope my drive picks up after the baby is born, but I'm still looking at another 2 months until baby is here if he doesn't make an entrance early and another at least 6 weeks before we can begin again after his birth. With my first child, however, I was unable to have sex for 6 months after she was born due to serious muscle damage down there.
He has been nothing but understanding and loving. I swear I don't deserve him... but my concern is this: I have self confidence issues. I was abused and raped in my childhood, which made it very hard for me to become openly, comfortably intimate with anyone. I felt safe with H after a time and was able to stop being worried with him, but the physical distance of this pregnancy has me reverted to a nervous, shyness that is reminiscent of when we were first together. I'm nervous to leave the lights on, I worry he is judging me with my clothing off (which is so stupid because I know in my rational brain he is not and desires me, but this is not rational...) and I'm worried about if he enjoyed himself. idk, endless concerns that were gone, I thought, are back.
Now I think I can work through them again in time, but has anyone gone through anything like this?
And then there's a second part to this thread: we are very... boring in bed. I hope my confidence can return to me but when it does... I would like more and be able to voice such. I can't tell him I want more or want to do more. I am so uncomfortable in my own skin.
My issues are, namely: I like to please him, but I'm very talent-less in the bed. I will give him bjs sometimes, though even that is hard for me given my TERRIBLE gag reflex and emetophobia. I am terribly clumsy too and I CANT get certain things down, like... I can't be on top. I've tried and failed so many times. He almost always does all the work and I feel like such a bore. I never orgasm because I really don't know how to direct him to get me there (and I choke up when I should be verbal) and frankly... I've never had an O from intercourse, just clitoral stimulation (which he also has never been able to give me, only by myself).
He has a strong pride in some ways. He HATES to fail, so badly that he won't try new things unless I push him to and have to really sooth his ego if he 'doesn't get it right' the first time around. He also doesn't like being told let's just practice more because he'd rather not do it again than try and 'fail'.
Honestly, his lack of desire to try and possibly 'fail' (I hate when he says it that way) and my nerves and self depressing nature doesn't mix. We don't try new things. He has gone down on me maybe 10 times the whole time together and once he gave up completely because I giggled (he tickled me) but he thought I was mocking him I guess and got mad, which only made me feel terrible. Ugh. WE actually fought after that one because his pride was so hurt and no matter what I said would dissuade him otherwise.
I know this really looks like a pile of mushed up thoughts... but could use input on anything; experience, thoughts, suggestions or even just a pep talk lol.
I would ultimately like to try new things after baby is born, stop worrying so much, spice things up and make it exciting for him (and me). I'm tired of sex on my back, I'm tired of no orgasms. I'm tired of feeling like the dead fish... I don't want him to grow bored of me. I'm almost crying just thinking about it. He's my world and my lover... I just want... to be better I guess. What can I do?
While the next little bit isn't the issue either, I want to put this out there: I am currently pregnant and due mid August with our second child. My sex drive has been literally down to nothing this entire pregnancy and sex is very occasional. I have no drive for it whatsoever. I have made efforts when I can to do things for him, but it's very hard for me. The first few months I felt very ill (I didn't get physically ill luckily, but I felt horrible for months). I couldn't bare the idea of sex and I think we were intimate maybe 2 times for the first 3 months.
During the second trimester, I think we had sex 4-5 times. I'm now working on month 8 and I think we've only had sex 2 times during this 3rd trimester.
I have talked openly to him about my literal dry spell. We touch, caress and cuddle daily. I rub his back and we kiss all the time. He feels loved and he assures me he understands how this could be affecting me and this is out of my control, but here's the thing (I know, finally getting to the point lol)...
I am reverting to my shy self when we do have sex. I do hope my drive picks up after the baby is born, but I'm still looking at another 2 months until baby is here if he doesn't make an entrance early and another at least 6 weeks before we can begin again after his birth. With my first child, however, I was unable to have sex for 6 months after she was born due to serious muscle damage down there.
He has been nothing but understanding and loving. I swear I don't deserve him... but my concern is this: I have self confidence issues. I was abused and raped in my childhood, which made it very hard for me to become openly, comfortably intimate with anyone. I felt safe with H after a time and was able to stop being worried with him, but the physical distance of this pregnancy has me reverted to a nervous, shyness that is reminiscent of when we were first together. I'm nervous to leave the lights on, I worry he is judging me with my clothing off (which is so stupid because I know in my rational brain he is not and desires me, but this is not rational...) and I'm worried about if he enjoyed himself. idk, endless concerns that were gone, I thought, are back.
Now I think I can work through them again in time, but has anyone gone through anything like this?
And then there's a second part to this thread: we are very... boring in bed. I hope my confidence can return to me but when it does... I would like more and be able to voice such. I can't tell him I want more or want to do more. I am so uncomfortable in my own skin.
My issues are, namely: I like to please him, but I'm very talent-less in the bed. I will give him bjs sometimes, though even that is hard for me given my TERRIBLE gag reflex and emetophobia. I am terribly clumsy too and I CANT get certain things down, like... I can't be on top. I've tried and failed so many times. He almost always does all the work and I feel like such a bore. I never orgasm because I really don't know how to direct him to get me there (and I choke up when I should be verbal) and frankly... I've never had an O from intercourse, just clitoral stimulation (which he also has never been able to give me, only by myself).
He has a strong pride in some ways. He HATES to fail, so badly that he won't try new things unless I push him to and have to really sooth his ego if he 'doesn't get it right' the first time around. He also doesn't like being told let's just practice more because he'd rather not do it again than try and 'fail'.
Honestly, his lack of desire to try and possibly 'fail' (I hate when he says it that way) and my nerves and self depressing nature doesn't mix. We don't try new things. He has gone down on me maybe 10 times the whole time together and once he gave up completely because I giggled (he tickled me) but he thought I was mocking him I guess and got mad, which only made me feel terrible. Ugh. WE actually fought after that one because his pride was so hurt and no matter what I said would dissuade him otherwise.
I know this really looks like a pile of mushed up thoughts... but could use input on anything; experience, thoughts, suggestions or even just a pep talk lol.
I would ultimately like to try new things after baby is born, stop worrying so much, spice things up and make it exciting for him (and me). I'm tired of sex on my back, I'm tired of no orgasms. I'm tired of feeling like the dead fish... I don't want him to grow bored of me. I'm almost crying just thinking about it. He's my world and my lover... I just want... to be better I guess. What can I do?
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