Wife of 21 years asked for seperation

Hello all, tyvm for reading, and any responses you might put down. 2 weeks ago, My wife dropped the bomb on me that she wanted me to move out. I NEVER saw it coming. I'll be honest, i've been aware for about 5-6 months we've had some issues going on. We have 2 high school aged kids, one about to graduate. I'll also be honest that I just didnt help around the house or with the kids as much as I could of. I thought it was enough, but finding out now, in retrospect, I could have done more to help her. I made the mistake of just asking, and not enough of just doing. We have a guy couple (guys) that live next door, and she's been spending a LOT of time with him (the more female of the two) over these same 5-6 months. He's already helped end 2 of our other neighbors marriages. Yet, I still watched as they would "hang out" every friday and saturday night, even as I was begging my wife to spend some time on "us". Even my kids mentioned to my wife that she's hardly ever home anymore. I always took it as she works hard, we have the kids and thier sports', and she needed to get away occasionally. Until, I guess that getting away became more fun that dealing with all the responsibilty. Now I've been out on my own for a couple/few weeks, and instantly in an attempt to salvage what I could went for a few visits with a couples counselor. I got a lot of insight about myself, mistakes i've made, and things I need to fix on my end. No I dont drink, or do drugs. I'm self employed, but always left my evenings and weekends for the family stuff. I've read a few books, 5 languages of love is a great read btw, even if your marriage is great. Asked my wife if we could attempt to go to a new marriage counselor together, she agreed. We got our first appointment 3.5 weeks away, seems like an eternity for me. BUT my wife continues to go out partying with the gay couple even more, has become even more short with me, and often goes out of her way to avoid any contact with me. Now heres the even more tricky part, I'm self employed, but she works for her dad, and that account is 95% of my business. So not only do we basically work together, she does my hours for billing, and signs my checks too. She's asked for room, and i'm giving all i can bare right now, it doesnt seem to matter. She tells me she needs to take it even slower now. lol does it get slower than no contact at this point? Now im not sure what to do, we set up a date night, i'll make dinner and do a movie (what she wanted to do) but then invited both kids over as to not be alone with me. Not sure what im doing wrong here, do I stay the course with the marriage counselor, or let he keep running over me? Am I just upset and over-reacting to the fact im trying, and at this point she's still just trying to figure things out? I havent been clingy or been the sobbing mess i was the first couple of days for a couple of weeks (im sure that pushed here even further away looking back at it). Instead i've mentioned some of my flaws, things im working on, and even explored some outlets for myself (new cooking class to help with dinners, took back up my guitar lessons, even taking a dance class (in hopes she lets me take her out-havent told her about that one yet). What am i missing, any advice on the route im taking or my plan to hopefully save the marriage? Thx again for any advice, hopefully I gave enoug h information for some input.

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