| Like most of you here I thought I would never be in this position. Just had our 10 year anniversary in November. Been together almost 14 years. I'm 39 she's 35. We had the ultimate bond and a level of trust I've never experienced. Great Catholic Foundation and were best friends. We have a 9 year old boy and a 5 year old girl. All our friends envy us and think we have it figured out. Sex was always great and after a week of dating we never spent a night away from each other, other than work or guys / girls trips. About 2 years ago I started school 3 nights a week that lasted a year. She hated it. A year ago, after trying for 7 years I finally got offered my dream job as a Firefighter. She supported me the whole way and we new it was going to be a challenge being gone for 24hrs at a time. It really effected her. I have always been a great husband and father. Everyone, including her told me that and i tried to be even better after the FF job started because I knew how it effected her. I could have been more affectionate, but did try and do romantic things now and then. Last August she ran into an old friend at the grocery store. They Facebooked each other, but no messages until November. Then it turned to texting (she put him in her phone under a friend at works name)in December. On Dec 29th I was on shift and she told me she was going out with the girls. No biggie as this was common practice once a month or so. She took the kids to her parents and went to his house to talk....well we know where this goes. I started noticing changes in January and extreme in February. Wouldn't let her phone out of her possession, going out more, etc. About 3 weeks ago it really hit me and I had that feeling. Checked the cell phone usage online and compared all the phone numbers and noticed the one number I didn't recognize. Looked it up on her iCloud and saw the friends name and I didn't know who that was. It was odd, but I didn't have enough to go on. Last Friday she went out and text me at 2:30am saying she was crashing at a friends or would call a cab. I went berserk. I ended up going and getting her and she was at the friends house, but I knew something was up. I checked her phone that night, but didn't see anything super incremenating. We fought over the weekend about everything and on Monday I really dug in. I detailed the text usage and saw that one number excessively. I search and searched and searched and couldn't find out who it was. Then good ole Facebook came thru. Typed in the number and wa la! Mind u the whole weekend she was telling me that she wanted things back to normal and to have us back, all the while still texting him. Monday evening I called her out on it and she denied it up until I showed her the final proof. She spent the next 3 days convincing me it was an Emotional Affair and never physical. A few pictures, but that was it. She begged and pleaded for me not to leave her and wanted us again. She gave me all her passwords to everything. I have never been so mean to someone. I had lost all compassion a nd was treating her like utter garbage. I spoke to some lawyers about getting detailed text records since my carrier requires a subpoena. No of them were really interested unless I filed for divorce. I was pressed for time because they constantly purge text details. I researched online and found a few products that help recover deleted data. I took a chance and ordered one next day air. Overnight Thursday night I ran the program on her phone and my computer. It only went back a few weeks but all the proof was there. I went and woke her up at 4:00am and busted her. She finally came clean. She has been transparent since then, telling me anything I ask. I am freaking out. I have been extremely mean and almost abusive to her. Actually I probably have been emotionally abusive. I HATE her but for some reason just can't walk away. I did pack some things and leave yesterday and I'm on shift tonight but will be going home tomorrow. We have been in constant contact and most of it is me still berating her. She is somewhat using the kids as a ploy for me to be around, but for the most part I ain't falling for it. I took the kids after school yesterday and then dropped them off after dinner and left to go to a hotel. Right now she is cooperating with anything I say. I have complete control over all her accounts and she says she is willing to do anything. I am scarred. There are things in those texts that I will never get over. There are things she done with him that I will never get over. I've always said I would be gone if my wife ever cheated but I don't know why I have these feelings to maybe try and work it out. I realize I left a void when taking this job that she let get outta hand. By no means do I feel this is any of my fault. There were better options to try and help us out. Oh and we have been in counseling for about three years. We went through a ruff stretch, but got it figured out and kept going to see our therapist as it always seemed to help. She went by herself on Thursday and then we went together the same day. She lied to our therapist about it also. The therapist even told her - you know he's not going to stop till he gets the detailed texts and she said yes that she had told us everything. I think she thought I wouldn't be able to get them in time or I would let it go. Am I crazy for even remotely thinking this could still work? I have appt with a lawyer this week and one next week. I just want to be prepared for whatever I decide. I talked to our therapist on Friday and filled her in. She said to not jump to a decision. I feel so much hatred towards her right now. I feel so terrible for my kids and myself. Any help or suggestions are appreciated! | |||
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