| It was been one year since my STBXW told me she does not love me any more and wants a divorce. She is a WAW and I was crushed. Today I give thanks for what I have in my life, what was and what will be, and while I am still quite disappointed, I am in a different place, a better one I believe. Let's take stock and see where things are at:
When I look back over the past year I am filled with a sense of gratitude, satisfaction and sorrow. I am sorry this is how things have turned out. I wish it could have been different. But I suppose everything happens for a reason and fact is that for whatever be the reasons we grew apart, each failing in his/her own way. I still have dreams about getting back together but I think it is mostly my subconscious firing whilst the last strands of the rope fray. I am full of gratitude for what I have, what I have become, and what I am yet to be. It is truly a transforming experience, a mid-life overhaul, a deconstruction of self and assembly in to a better and more improved version. I cannot state strongly enough, as I have learned from the good people on this site, the 180 works, and it works for YOU. Do it and do it for yourself and no one else. If at all it has an impact on anyone, leave that one to fate. I have not started dating yet, don't really want to. I feel that before I seek another relationship I had better be very clear on who I am and what I want, IMHO not something you do in the midst of a major course correction. Oh and yes I did go and have sex twice a few months after this started and boy was I wrong to do that. I immediately realized it was not the way to go, not only premature but also not the way to deal with things. I have very good friends wondering why on earth I am not out there playing the field but hey, that's the way I feel right now. All things in good time. Oh and speaking of women, suddenly they start popping up all over the place... Some more obviously interested than others, so quite blatantly even. Nice ego stroke and reminds one that there will be more relationships to come. Another very important realization I have had (which was pointed out to me first on this site) is that we were living in a codependent relationship. At first I balked at the very thought. But now I realize that this does not only mean an abusive relationship and indeed does happen in a so-called "normative" relationship. It is the unwritten agreement. The silent killer. The roles we act out. I was totally unaware of this. What an eye opener. By the way, if you are going through a process, one of my pieces of advise would be to keep a journal. Write down your thoughts and feelings as they come. Not only is this good therapy (proven to be beneficial) but will also help you reflect in the future on how you felt and how you changed. I did not, wish I had, and trying to get myself to start now. But really, it is a good idea. So in summary I wish to say that yes there is life after, it can be good, is good, and you can do it. While I feel much better I do not consider the process to be over yet, but I recognize in myself a quantum leap of well being. We are not yet legally divorced but that is a technicality. Still need to write up a formal agreement which is virtually only about the kids and child support since no other assets etc. All the best, and thank you, thank you very much. | |||
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