| Hi, I have been reading some of these posts for awhile now, and I feel like this is a good place to get advice. I apologize for any rambling I do, this is all very jumbled in my head... I found out in February that my husband of 3 years had been cheating on me. He swears it was not sexual other than kissing and making out (he wanted it to be sexual, but she wasn't ready for that step) and that it was purely curiosity. He was very much not sorry in the beginning, implying that the fault was with me more than him. We have two young children and he claimed the majority of the reason was that I stopped being "the sexy girlfriend", cause you know thats easy to be when you never get to go anywhere and spend your days chasing kids, cleaning and cooking. He said a lot of hurtful things, wanted me to leave, and generally just made me feel like I was nothing. After that I called my mom, told her the whole story and started making plans to head back to her place. Suddenly, he was sorry.. like knowing I was going was too much and he was instantly promising to stop contact with the other woman and that he would work on his problems, etc, etc. I believed him and s tayed... I found out a few days later they were still texting each other, but in his mind it was ok because they were just friends. I said no, its me or her. He kept saying he would stop, but then she would text him and he would text back "because he didnt want to hurt her feelings". Finally after a day where I saw on our phone bill that they had been texting back and forth about 50-60 times in one day I got mad and told him I was not going to do that anymore. He got mad and left to go to his parent's house. I talked to his sister and found out he had gone there, for an hour, but had left to go get something to eat. I knew I had the debit card and he had no cash, so I had a feeling. I drove to her place and sure enough, his car was there. I went to her apartment, knocked on the door and when she answered I asked to speak with him.. when I saw him all I could do was yell "f*** you" at him and leave... I was in shock. The next day I told him I was done, I wante d a divorce. He said that he didnt want to get divorced, that he loved me and that she had broken it off. Apparently having me show up at her place was "scary and upsetting" to her. I made him move out to his parent's house for a week while I got my head on straight, and he still came around nightly to talk to me and see the kids. He finally moved back in, but my trust is gone. I told him I was going to need to be able to check his facebook and phone and that I needed to be sure that they were not still talking. He said ok, and honestly, I felt guilty even doing it, so I almost never did. Then, last week I picked up his phone to check the time and saw he had a new text message. I opened it and it was from her. I told him I needed him to tell her to stop texting him and he wouldnt. Said he was over it and just wanted to ignore it in hopes it would go away. So I texted her back as him and said "leave me alone". She said things that implied he was still showing up at her work and claimed that she never meant to upset his wife (HA!) and that she was pissed that he had told me where she lived. I said too bad and she called him a name and stopped talking. I thought it was done, yay, the witch is gone, yadda yadda... then the other day I checked his facebook. I had been having one of those red alert feelings all day for some reason, and so I checked stuff to be sure.. there was a message to a friend of hers asking if he could meet with her (the friend) "I think talking to you would be the best way to sort this out since I really doubt she wants to talk to me. Which sucks a lot, I had some things I would like her to hear and coming from you she may listen". It was like being punched in the gut. I messaged him, told him I was done and that I had officially reached my limit on heartache. He rushed home and claimed that he knew it was a mistake to send it and regretted it the second he had. He claims he just hadnt understood why sh e had been mad at him, and he was worried there was something wrong with him and just wanted closure. He swore up and down he loves me and wants to get past this. And to what little credit I can give him at this point he has been great since. I am just so unsure what to do right now. I still love him, but I do not want to be with someone I cannot trust and right now I do not trust him AT ALL. I hate feeling jealous, I hate feeling unsure and I really hate that I cant decide if I should try to get past it or chalk it up to a bad time and walk away. I hurt so bad, and I just dont know what to do... if I decide to stay how does he earn my trust back? If I decide to go how do I heal from this? Any advise, "I have been theres" or mental hugs appreciated. I am so confused! | |||
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