I feel so lost I don't even know where to begin to express what is happening.
My husband and I have been married for 8 years. We are 28. We have a child who will be 1 this weekend. There have been many ups and downs until we got to a point where it was all downs. We had a very rough patch over 2 years ago, enough for separation. We had begun to drift apart, barely talking. He would spend most of his time in his game room playing video games for hours on end. I hated that. Talking only led to confrontation which really affected me negatively because he can be very mean when he is mad. Sometimes we would fight, sometimes we would just ignore each other to avoid fighting. He lost his job, we were having financial problems, and I became very depressed. We split up. We were apart for 6 months. After a lot of talking and promises (I saw a therapist for myself, he refused) we got back together and everything did get better. I even got pregnant unexpectedly, conceiving was an issue in the past, I had several miscarriages which added to our suffering. It was a fresh start and we tried and it was good.
Lately I am seeing a lot of familiar behavior, from the both of us. He spends too much time on video games, I call him on it, sometimes he's ok with it others he says I'm nagging. Other times when he's playing I just ignore him, I go into our bedroom close the door do homework or play with our son. When I do that I'm a bee with an attitude problem.
I ask myself what do I really want? No one's relationship is perfect. I know that. Honestly, I just wish he would devote more of his time to us as I do for him. Be sweet and caring and just can't wait to get home to see us. When I say that to him he says he doesn't ask for that from me! It breaks my heart.
We recently moved to a different city for school and I literally do not know anyone here. I spend most of my day at home with my baby. I go to school. I do homework. Now I'm looking for a job. He has friends.
Last night at midnight he left to his friend's house and didn't come back until 4 am. I text him while he was out why he was there so late, he said that I had been unpleasant to be around so he'd rather be there. I said ok, stay there, please don't come back.--- I really did mean it. Why I was unpleasant? Because that night when I came home from my class at 9pm. He was just sitting there same place he was when I left, playing video games with his friend. (And in case you are wondering my husband takes care of our son while I'm away.) I was mad but I said nothing. I made dinner for myself, I took it and my son and went to our room and closed the door. That was it.
Today for the first time in a long, long time I cried out of pure frustration. I snapped out of it in a minute. I saw my son looking at me. I'm worried that things will start to unravel, that we will become a mess again, but most importantly that our behavior will affect our child. I cannot have that.
Like I said before I have had issues with depression before. Today I found another therapist in this city and I'll be going in next week. I am nowhere near the mental state I was once but I am not willing to take that chance with my baby around.
I know that sometimes when things are bothering him he uses video games to escape. Once in a while is ok, but he has an obsessive nature. I've seen it before when he starts with a little until it consumes him. It hurts that he doesn't see me sometimes. Even though he's here in the room he's always a million miles away.
My husband and I have been married for 8 years. We are 28. We have a child who will be 1 this weekend. There have been many ups and downs until we got to a point where it was all downs. We had a very rough patch over 2 years ago, enough for separation. We had begun to drift apart, barely talking. He would spend most of his time in his game room playing video games for hours on end. I hated that. Talking only led to confrontation which really affected me negatively because he can be very mean when he is mad. Sometimes we would fight, sometimes we would just ignore each other to avoid fighting. He lost his job, we were having financial problems, and I became very depressed. We split up. We were apart for 6 months. After a lot of talking and promises (I saw a therapist for myself, he refused) we got back together and everything did get better. I even got pregnant unexpectedly, conceiving was an issue in the past, I had several miscarriages which added to our suffering. It was a fresh start and we tried and it was good.
Lately I am seeing a lot of familiar behavior, from the both of us. He spends too much time on video games, I call him on it, sometimes he's ok with it others he says I'm nagging. Other times when he's playing I just ignore him, I go into our bedroom close the door do homework or play with our son. When I do that I'm a bee with an attitude problem.
I ask myself what do I really want? No one's relationship is perfect. I know that. Honestly, I just wish he would devote more of his time to us as I do for him. Be sweet and caring and just can't wait to get home to see us. When I say that to him he says he doesn't ask for that from me! It breaks my heart.
We recently moved to a different city for school and I literally do not know anyone here. I spend most of my day at home with my baby. I go to school. I do homework. Now I'm looking for a job. He has friends.
Last night at midnight he left to his friend's house and didn't come back until 4 am. I text him while he was out why he was there so late, he said that I had been unpleasant to be around so he'd rather be there. I said ok, stay there, please don't come back.--- I really did mean it. Why I was unpleasant? Because that night when I came home from my class at 9pm. He was just sitting there same place he was when I left, playing video games with his friend. (And in case you are wondering my husband takes care of our son while I'm away.) I was mad but I said nothing. I made dinner for myself, I took it and my son and went to our room and closed the door. That was it.
Today for the first time in a long, long time I cried out of pure frustration. I snapped out of it in a minute. I saw my son looking at me. I'm worried that things will start to unravel, that we will become a mess again, but most importantly that our behavior will affect our child. I cannot have that.
Like I said before I have had issues with depression before. Today I found another therapist in this city and I'll be going in next week. I am nowhere near the mental state I was once but I am not willing to take that chance with my baby around.
I know that sometimes when things are bothering him he uses video games to escape. Once in a while is ok, but he has an obsessive nature. I've seen it before when he starts with a little until it consumes him. It hurts that he doesn't see me sometimes. Even though he's here in the room he's always a million miles away.
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