I have pretty much I have been a roomate in my 16 year marriage for at least 12 years. About once or twice a year we try to rekindle that part and it stops after about 4 weeks and back to roomates. We both play a part in this. I start out as an eager wife trying to bring passion and romance back in. We talk about what we need to do to keep this a regular part of our marriage. He tells me how he wants to do these things too. So after a couple weeks I will pull back from full time chaser to allow him to be an equal part. I tell him what I want so as not to leave him hanging out there trying to be a mind reader. I gave him 2 expectations from me this time: find a way to flirt/laugh with me everyday and take me out for alone time away from the house that is simple like coffee or even sit on the back of my tailgate with a beer once a week. Our kids are old enough to not need babysitters. He has since ignored me. I reminded him again after two weeks and did so in a lighthearted manner. Now I don't even get a peck hello or goodbye.
In the past I always wondered if I had too high of an expectation. Of course that turns into disappointed which turns into hurt which turns into resentment which turns into shutting out. We have talked about emotional intimacy and how there are many ways for us to achieve that outside the bedroom and how I really need that. I just don't get it. He is a good man, good Dad, respectful, doesn't raise a voice, responsible. I have no complaints in that department. He used to be romantic and affectionate. Before anyone comments, he isn't gay, cheating, porn, etc. I am pretty involved in the sex, offering to be more adventurous if he is game, and give as much as I get. We have dealt with bouts of ED but seems to go away after a few rounds. The only thing I ask of him is to give me a few hours of out of the bedroom play/flirting/humor to get the ball good and going when we get to the bedroom. I have gone with the flow for a quickie but I have trouble with completion if you know what I mean. What I don't understand is why he ignores me after a few weeks. It is like he saying problem fixed and I don't need to do anything else. Yesterday, I sat down and cried saying I give up and I don't know if I will have it in me to try again in the future. I tried to remember all the nice things he does for me and spent all night trying to convince myself that maybe he thinks those things are romantic enough even though it doesn't create that intimacy I crave.
So today as he was leaving for work I thought okay one last try. I told him I was expecting that beer with him tonight here and he said ok. I have heard ok before and no follow through. So I sent him an email at noon that just said I had a dream about and I woke up smiling. He finally responded hours later "that's nice." Kind of lackluster. Now I am thinking I probably will be forgotten again. I don't know what more I can do to make this marriage work and feel myself already shutting down.
In the past I always wondered if I had too high of an expectation. Of course that turns into disappointed which turns into hurt which turns into resentment which turns into shutting out. We have talked about emotional intimacy and how there are many ways for us to achieve that outside the bedroom and how I really need that. I just don't get it. He is a good man, good Dad, respectful, doesn't raise a voice, responsible. I have no complaints in that department. He used to be romantic and affectionate. Before anyone comments, he isn't gay, cheating, porn, etc. I am pretty involved in the sex, offering to be more adventurous if he is game, and give as much as I get. We have dealt with bouts of ED but seems to go away after a few rounds. The only thing I ask of him is to give me a few hours of out of the bedroom play/flirting/humor to get the ball good and going when we get to the bedroom. I have gone with the flow for a quickie but I have trouble with completion if you know what I mean. What I don't understand is why he ignores me after a few weeks. It is like he saying problem fixed and I don't need to do anything else. Yesterday, I sat down and cried saying I give up and I don't know if I will have it in me to try again in the future. I tried to remember all the nice things he does for me and spent all night trying to convince myself that maybe he thinks those things are romantic enough even though it doesn't create that intimacy I crave.
So today as he was leaving for work I thought okay one last try. I told him I was expecting that beer with him tonight here and he said ok. I have heard ok before and no follow through. So I sent him an email at noon that just said I had a dream about and I woke up smiling. He finally responded hours later "that's nice." Kind of lackluster. Now I am thinking I probably will be forgotten again. I don't know what more I can do to make this marriage work and feel myself already shutting down.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment