My girlfriend of 2 1/2 years and I separated at the end of August, just over 3 months ago.
There were a lot of weird things going on in the relationship. I found out, by accident, that she had started writing to a guy in jail back in April of this year. She hid this from me for some months and when I confronted her about it, she said that they were "just friends" and that I was out of line for being upset. She accused me of being jealous and insecure. I don't know what you folks think, but writing to a stranger in jail (she found him through a prison pen pals web site) is not an appropriate thing to do when you are in a relationship. To me, this was an affair.
Then I found several text messages on her phone from an ex which were suggestive. She claimed that he would periodically get drunk and text her because it reminded him of the relationship that they once had. Quite honestly, I have a hard time believing that. There were several texts over a period of 6+ months and I doubt that he would be that persistent unless the texts got him what he wanted. There were also plans to meet for drinks in those text messages. So my first impression was that they met for drinks and then hooked up at his house or her house or whatever. She denies it to this day.
Anyway, after we broke up, I contacted her and expressed that I wanted to work things out. She ignored me and, like an idiot, I continued to contact her via e-mail and text message. One day a police officer showed up at my front door and told me that I was not in trouble, but I would be well advised to leave her alone.
So I did. Then, a couple weeks later, she contacted me and wanted to hook up. I knew that I should have told her off, but I was lonely (and horny) and so we started seeing each other again. I suppose we had a "friends with benefits" situation going there for a while. She would come over, spent a couple hours or the night with me, and then go home and I would not hear from her again for a few days.
This went on for about a month, until one night I ran into her at a local bar. I had been there for a couple hours with friends when she came in with another guy. They were openly flirting in front of me and he had his hands all over her - first on her back, then he moved down to her ass and started rubbing her ass. Of course, he had no idea who I was or what was going on. I confronted her and she told me that we were not a couple, so it was none of my business, and that I needed to "f*** off."
I was enraged. Just three days before this happened, we got together and had dinner and spent the night in a nice hotel. She told me that she still loved me and "wanted to talk about things" over the weekend. Now this - openly flirting with another man right in front of me.
Long story short, when she told me to f-off, I snapped. I have never hit a woman in my life. I slapped her across the face. The bartender called the cops, I was arrested and released the next morning. No charges filed.
She and I have talked since then. She claims that I am delusional, that she never did anything wrong, and that my paranoia/insecurity ruined our relationship. She has no choice but to stay broken up with me after what I have done, because how could she go back to me and have any self respect, blah, blah, blah.
I know that I was wrong to hit her. But I can't believe that she is placing all of the blame for what happened between us on my shoulders.
I know I should run, not walk, away and feel lucky that I did not get into trouble with the law. It is hard for me to let go because I was really in love with her, and I have trouble seeing her as the abusive and emotionally manipulative person that she was, even though friends and family keep reminding me of that. I am one of those people who feels that everything is his fault in some way and it's hard for me to separate myself from this situation and look at it objectively.
I also feel like she wasn't always this way and I have a hard time understanding what happened, or why she did the things that she did. Writing letters to a stranger in jail? I never would have thought of that - it still blows my mind. Who does that?? And the sneaking suspicion that she was cheating on me with the text messaging ex. Then the thought of, what about the things I don't know about?
It's all so messed up and I am having trouble letting go. Can you guys give me some advise for coping?
There were a lot of weird things going on in the relationship. I found out, by accident, that she had started writing to a guy in jail back in April of this year. She hid this from me for some months and when I confronted her about it, she said that they were "just friends" and that I was out of line for being upset. She accused me of being jealous and insecure. I don't know what you folks think, but writing to a stranger in jail (she found him through a prison pen pals web site) is not an appropriate thing to do when you are in a relationship. To me, this was an affair.
Then I found several text messages on her phone from an ex which were suggestive. She claimed that he would periodically get drunk and text her because it reminded him of the relationship that they once had. Quite honestly, I have a hard time believing that. There were several texts over a period of 6+ months and I doubt that he would be that persistent unless the texts got him what he wanted. There were also plans to meet for drinks in those text messages. So my first impression was that they met for drinks and then hooked up at his house or her house or whatever. She denies it to this day.
Anyway, after we broke up, I contacted her and expressed that I wanted to work things out. She ignored me and, like an idiot, I continued to contact her via e-mail and text message. One day a police officer showed up at my front door and told me that I was not in trouble, but I would be well advised to leave her alone.
So I did. Then, a couple weeks later, she contacted me and wanted to hook up. I knew that I should have told her off, but I was lonely (and horny) and so we started seeing each other again. I suppose we had a "friends with benefits" situation going there for a while. She would come over, spent a couple hours or the night with me, and then go home and I would not hear from her again for a few days.
This went on for about a month, until one night I ran into her at a local bar. I had been there for a couple hours with friends when she came in with another guy. They were openly flirting in front of me and he had his hands all over her - first on her back, then he moved down to her ass and started rubbing her ass. Of course, he had no idea who I was or what was going on. I confronted her and she told me that we were not a couple, so it was none of my business, and that I needed to "f*** off."
I was enraged. Just three days before this happened, we got together and had dinner and spent the night in a nice hotel. She told me that she still loved me and "wanted to talk about things" over the weekend. Now this - openly flirting with another man right in front of me.
Long story short, when she told me to f-off, I snapped. I have never hit a woman in my life. I slapped her across the face. The bartender called the cops, I was arrested and released the next morning. No charges filed.
She and I have talked since then. She claims that I am delusional, that she never did anything wrong, and that my paranoia/insecurity ruined our relationship. She has no choice but to stay broken up with me after what I have done, because how could she go back to me and have any self respect, blah, blah, blah.
I know that I was wrong to hit her. But I can't believe that she is placing all of the blame for what happened between us on my shoulders.
I know I should run, not walk, away and feel lucky that I did not get into trouble with the law. It is hard for me to let go because I was really in love with her, and I have trouble seeing her as the abusive and emotionally manipulative person that she was, even though friends and family keep reminding me of that. I am one of those people who feels that everything is his fault in some way and it's hard for me to separate myself from this situation and look at it objectively.
I also feel like she wasn't always this way and I have a hard time understanding what happened, or why she did the things that she did. Writing letters to a stranger in jail? I never would have thought of that - it still blows my mind. Who does that?? And the sneaking suspicion that she was cheating on me with the text messaging ex. Then the thought of, what about the things I don't know about?
It's all so messed up and I am having trouble letting go. Can you guys give me some advise for coping?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment