Wish My Wife Would Cheat

So here is a long winded intro to a question below. For those who have not followed my previous posts, my wife and I have sex about once every six weeks these days. Our sex life has been bad for close to 4 yrs straight now from my perspective. My last attempt was on Father's Day and I was rejected and haven't tried since then (despite us going on a family vacation for a week in the interim). Last night I was sitting in the kitchen finishing up my dinner. As an aside, I was eating alone because my wife does not have the stamina to wait until I get home from work to eat with me. Anyway, she starts talking to me. I am not much in the mood to interact with her these days, but I give the conversation as much attention as I am able. As per usual, she has no interest in me, just wants to vent about whatever her daily aggravations were. After about 5 minutes, I say, hey, why don't we go in the living room and sit on the couch and talk? To be honest, I was not trying to put the moves on her, I just thought it would be nice if we could spend 10 minutes sitting next to each other and hold hands or something. I thought it was a pretty innocent request and a safe way for us to be close to each other for a bit. She says, no. She is tired and is going to go to bed. It is 8:00pm by the way. I cannot hide my displeasure. I don't say anything overtly hostile, but it is obvious that I am upset. She tells me that I shouldn't be upset just because she'd rather sit in the kitchen than the living room and she is going to bed in a minute anyway and that I am impossible to please. I say that I am very easy to please and that my request was pretty simple and easy to meet, but obviously she doesn't have any interest in meeting it so I'm not happy. I tell her that I have a right to not be happy with her. She then tells me that she will never be able to satisfy me because my needs are "not the needs of a normal person". She then rattles off a series of insults about my character along those lines. Basically saying I only care about sex (which I never once brought up in this conversation) and that I am a pervert because it is all I ever think about. I sit and take it for a bit and then finally tell her to f' off and that I'm done talking to her. That ends the conversation. Even though I am still mad at her, I don't have the energy to be in constant conflict any more after years of this, so about 15 minutes later, I walk upstairs and say I'm sorry for telling her to f' off. She of course does not say she's sorry to me (still hasn't) for the much worse things she said to me. I am pissed about this, but I am trying very hard to be the bigger person in our relationship so I go back downstairs without saying anything more. It is very difficult. In any case, this brings me to the subject of this post. I wish my wife would cheat on me. I know this probably sounds weird, but I feel like sex is this massive weapon for her. The fact that she knows I desire it much more than her, even though I have done my best to stop trying to initiate it and focus on other things, gives her immense power. Obviously, the best case scenario would be that she would generally discover an interest in having a better sex life with me. But I do not see much evidence of that developing, and I have given up trying to bring that into being (the positive things I do for our relationship are at this point more about me reassuring myself that I am a good person and will not live my life in a war with her). So, assuming that will not happen any time soon, I feel like if she would sleep with someone else, that would at least reveal her to be human. Right now, she seems like a Vulcan to me. It's like I'm sitting across the table from someone who doesn't need to breathe, who mocks me for needing oxygen. I think this feeling is quite strange and I wonder if anyone here has ever felt something similar.

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