| So I'm an American university student studying in London for the summer. I'm 21, and pretty mature for my age. I'm gay, but am completely straight acting. Most people think I'm joking when I say I'm gay. For that reason I'm not publicly out. My family and close friends know, but as far as the general public is concerned, it's just easier this way. Since I've been here, I've made a lot of American and Aussie friends, but I was really hoping to branch out and meet some locals. So I went out to a gay bar by myself (all my friends here are straight). This was totally out of my comfort zone, and it was an awful experience. At one bar everyone thought I was an undercover cop (bc I look straight and fit?), and at the other I got groped by guys left and right which really sucked. About 2 weeks ago I tried out a gay dating app and met a couple guys for drinks. The first two dates were okay, but I wasn't in to them at all and just lied my way out of going home with them. I'm not a slut and only hook up with guys I genuinely like. But the 3rd date was a natural fit from the start. He was very straight acting as well, really easy going, ridiculously handsome, great body, and the only guy I met who was slightly taller than me (I'm 6'3", so that's impressive). He's middle eastern in ethnicity (I'm white, but am not attracted to white or black guys at all), but born and raised a proper British gentleman. He's a bit older at 26, but I like that. We went for a beer that turned in to five as we sat along the canal and talked for hours. We got along really, really well. We didn't end up going to his place because his psycho flatmate said she didn't appreciate him having strange men over (I thought this was an excuse to ditch me... until I actually met her). I'm in a shared dorm, so we just agreed to go out for dinner the next night... after making out outside of a bar lol. Dinner went really well, and we met his crazy flatmate for drinks. She was very strange, but she really liked me from the get go, so access to his place was granted :biggrin2:. That night we hooked up and I stayed over. This went on for the rest of the weekend and we just got more comfortable with each other and I started to like him even more. Then he invited me to his birthday party where I met all his friends. They're just incredible people in general, and love to party, have fun and not take things too seriously, just like myself. I became quick friends with them all and ended up hanging out with them, going on a day trip to Brighton and clubbing with them that whole weekend. But now things are starting to get rough, because I leave in a week for the US. I plan on moving back to London after university, but that's 3 years from now at least. It sucks because he and I have been hanging out a lot these last 3 weeks and I'm afraid I'm falling in love with him. He mentioned at his birthday that maybe this is a bad idea to keep seeing each other since it was just going to make things harder when I left... but we didn't stop seeing each other. We actually started seeing each other a lot more often. This gets even stranger when I say we haven't even properly had sex yet. We're both tops, completely. Neither of us have ever been bottoms or have any desire to. So we've hooked up a lot, but never actually had sex. Somehow it hasn't actually been an issue, as we've had plenty of fun regardless. But he finally caved :biggrin: and wants to bottom for me. But I feel like this will just make saying goodbye even worse. I've never had a serious boyfriend or any desire for a relationship. But when I wake up next to him I feel like he's someone I want to wake up with every morning. I thought maybe I was just infatuated and liked him way more than he liked me. But that's obviously not the case coming from our conversations, and you can just tell anyway. We're both sarcastic people (well all Brits are actually) and we can poke fun at each other. I love the fact that he's educated, well bred and has a great job. I think we'd be an awesome couple, and even his best friend says she hasn't seem him so happy with a guy before. I guess there's not a lot of advice I can ask for here, but I just wanted to talk about it. Maybe that'll help or something. I'm not an emotional guy, but I can tell this is going to be rough. Not just him, but all my new British friends I'm really going to miss, and my life here in general is incredible. I'll just enjoy it for as long as I can and say goodbye this Saturday... I've never cried over a guy, but I can already tell I will. God, this sucks. :( | |||
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