DumbDude lives up to his name

Hi TAM peoples, I seem to have followed the pretty standard procedure of lurking for a while and then posting my miserable story… here goes... I would like to preface this by saying, this is my side of the story. Totally biased, no apologies for that. Late last year, my wife and I owned a business. The business kept her busy while I had a day job. We have 2 x young kids (now 2 & 4). One day I found an Australia post (you missed your delivery slip) and my wife had written on it with friendly talk to the ape that delivers our mail. I didn't think too much of it because she takes a lot of deliveries for the business (not just from Aus post). I then noticed she 'friended' him on Facebook. Suspicions were raised. Next thing she emails me asking if they can be friends and hang out to which I say 'no, I don't think that's appropriate'. One day she tells me she is going to the shops, takes our youngest girl and heads off. I am a little suspect. I use the 'find my phone' thing to discover she is somewhere in the suburbs at a residential address. I ring her… the conversation went something like this: me: "hi" her: "hi" me: "i was just wondering if you could get me some xxx from the shops?" her: "yeah sure, it'll be a little while tho" me: "where are you? it sounds quiet" her: "just in a clothes shop" alarm bells are ringing at this point. Now this is where hindsight is great. Had I known then, what I now know things would be different today! Anyway, I confronted her to which it took a bit of effort but she admitted to going to this guys house. At this point in time I was not aware of the damaging effect that an EA could have on a relationship. So we had an argument etc… life went on. Fast forward to March this year. She leaves her email open on the computer. I still have this sneaking suspicion… so I do a search for the guys name. Bingo - 1 result. She bought some crap for him at xmas time and there was an email to the vendor telling them the note should say "Dear OM, happy xmas, love WW xxx" I forward this to her and say: "explain" I receive a mail back saying "it was a mistake". I then question her some more receiving absolutely nothing. So while she is away from her phone I grab it and have a quick look, no messages stick out. I take a backup on my computer. I then use some software to deconstruct the backup… voila Turns out all the picture messages you send with your iPhone are saved even after deletion. Thanks apple. She had been sending sexts to this guy. Oh and I discover pics of him… and TWO OTHER GUYS! My body goes into overdrive, heart beating, everything seems surreal. I can't believe my eyes. Pics of my wife pretty much nude being sent to 3 different guys (That I know about). I confront, receive lies - trickle fed some truth. She maintains that it was never physical. I move in with my parents (yes, I would love to kick her out but, as I work full time looking after my 2 x kids is impossible and I don't particularly want to make them homeless). I have a week away thinking, missing my kids feeling sorry for myself etc. I then decide - ok, I love my kids, I will give this a try. I want my kids to have a happy family life… I go back. She had a long planned trip to the races on a Saturday very soon after my return. Yes, I know - at the time I thought "this will be a good test. see if she actually can control herself, come home at a reasonable hour" No chance… she gets blind drunk. I wake up at 3am, still not home. I try calling, no answer. I send a text and I receive a reply immediately. me: "are you ok? this is unacceptable" her: "yes and I know" me: "where are you?" her: "local club, sick in bathroom" (note, when I say club - this is a big club in the area with poker machines, bars etc.) I am obviously not buying this story. She rocks up stinking of booze. I notice as she plugs in her phone that it has lots of charge. Not bad for an iPhone that she told me was running out of battery about 6 hours ago. So she passes out, I grab her phone and look for evidence. I don't find anything to totally condemn her apart from the charge in her phone. Next day I confront. Turns out she got very drunk and met up with OM. She was so drunk that OM's parents came to pick her up and take him and her to their house…. apparently. Also apparently nothing physical happened. I move back in with parents. My hiatus is longer. I have one weakness - and that is my kids. She plays the manipulation game very well and I move back in. Given the gift of hindsight I realise what a royal idiot I am. We are together for a few months. Things are ok. One day I wake up and have clarity. Its like I have been in a fog for the past few months - perhaps shock. All of a sudden I know that I cannot be with this woman. I love my kids but me being a miserable a-hole around them is not going to be good for them long term. A few days go by and I await a good time to tell her that I don't want this marriage anymore. Turns out there is no good time. Saturday morning she pulls me aside and says "is something wrong, you aren't being nice to me" So I tell her that I don't want this marriage etc. She leaves saying that this weekend is my weekend with my girls. Fine by me. Lots of text messages get sent to my phone this day. The next day she comes back, wants to talk. Starts asking me all these questions to try and sway my decision. I ask her where she slept… no prizes for guessing this one. That's right the OM's place. Now I sit here typing up this feeling a huge sense of loss. I have lost my family, my wife, my kids, the security and consistency of my life. The thing that really gets to me is my kids. These poor kids have barely started their journey and already they are in for a rough ride. I love them so much and miss them dearly. Sorry for the long post, but I feel better to have shared (even with strangers). Thanks to all the others that have shared also… I feel your pain.

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