I know some of you think I am being ridiculous about it but I had to know exactly/clearly the relationship between husband and coworker 4yrs ago so I could move on. Basically last night I said I want and need to move on from this. This dumb issue keeps coming up because I was never given the whole truth or a real explanation to your friendship and "unexplained behavior" isnt working for me. So husband said since we were just having our first baby and he had no other friends and liked the people he work with he considered them friends. The one girl I said I didnt feel comfortable about back then (and I didnt like the vibe, too much focus on her in mu opinion and when I saw his web history of checking out her page a lot I was really upset). So last night he said yes, I liked her as a friend, she made me happy, I liked the attention she gave me, we had the same humor, I felt comfortable asking her work questions, I felt it was safe because she asked about you and baby, in hindsight maybe I thought about her too much. He liked that she was a good listener and he liked listening to her stories--that her family stories were funny/nice and he wishes his family (parents etc not me) were like that (he is not close to his family). She was divorced at the time (cheated on by her exH). Back then I didnt think it was wrong at all, but now knowing how much it hurt you, now I know more about boundaries etc I feel GUILTY and bad and I hate myself for doing that to you. Then he went on to talk about his low self esteem, how he feels badly for doing this, he shouldnt have made his closest connection (besides me) an opp sex friend. He said he knows NOTHING would have happened but he didnt realize at the time maybe he enjoyed her company more than he should have. He still says he is not physically attracted to her all, it was more the attention she gave him. So now I know we had a huge argument last night, we were emotional and upset. Lots of honesty though... BUT this morning a longer better talk, lots of communication. I told hom I finally forgive him, I'm ready to move on. He said he is going to talk to me, not just want I want to hear, use an internal meter to tell me when he's not happy. To tell me when he's not happy and not look to other people. I promised ro be a better listener and not react immediately. So progress right? Since they work together, any tips on how *I* can not let it get under my skin at all? Just work on my own issues and LET GO? I'm guessing thats my answer? Posted via Mobile Device | |||
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Would really appreciate men's perspective on this...
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