I don't care about my looks or relationships.

Right, I''m going to get straight to the point and have a rant. I hate our society. I really hate it. Society is so incredibly, infinitely shallow and materialistic and critical and judgemental. And I guess that means I hate most people in society, as they are the ones who uphold the stupid rules and social barriers and number scales. I am sick to death of the focus on looks and relationships. I am so sick of it, I have turned my back on it completely and I'm proud and bursting to say, I'M NOT IN YOUR STUPID, MINDGAMING SOCIETY ANYMORE! I'm not involved, I have given up on it. I have always felt like I was screaming in a crowded room and no one could hear me. Like I was the only sane voice, the only one who could see things as they truly are. And that is how pathetic and ridiculous people are. I spent my teenage years crying in my bedroom because I couldn't live up to society's standards regarding looks and relationships. No, I wasn't pretty, and no, I didn't have a boyfriend. It got me so down and I felt overwhelmingly suffocated and misplaced and lost. Now I just want to say that I don't care anymore. I am sick of how objectified women are - and believe me, I've never considered myself a feminist - about how a woman has to look good and a certain way to even stand a chance at being accepted into society and to get a relationship. Because that's all life's about, isn't it? Getting a man, pleasing a man, looking good for your man. All life seems to be about is looking your best. I read an article someone posted on here before, about how women can 'control' their looks/attractiveness, and can move 'up' the 'number scale' if they put the 'effort' in. I wanted to physically vomit all over my computer screen. Well, I HATE that. I don't want to belong in that sort of suffocating, dangeous mindset. And FRANKLY, I just want to say that I don't care about my looks. I'm healthy and hygienic and I want to be happy - but I will NEVER be happy if I continue trying to play this game, trying to belong in this vapid, shallow society of ours. So that's it. I no longer care about trying to get a relationship, trying to be attractive, trying to get a man, trying to look good. Am I alone in this? In having completely given up on relationships and looks in general? I've almost sort of reverted to a childlike mind set to accomplish this... I'm fully prepared to die a virgin and alone. So long as I don't have to belong in this stupid stupid society full of vapid, vain drones. I'm not saying I'm going to completely let myself go and grow a moustache or whatever. I just HAVE to get OUT of letting society control my thoughts and my actions. I want to be able to dress how I like and not be ashamed by my looks, or be ashamed that I haven't got a boyfriend. Of course, as a female I'm only making myself stand out in a bad way by doing this, but I'm hoping it'll encourage other people to break away from this nasty cycle of life revolving around looks and relationships... Reading back over this, I haven't said really what I wanted to, it's all just a big ramble. But I don't care, I just don't care. I just want to scream my hatred for our society and the people in it, and then go back to my childlike, care free thoughts.

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