Another look at opposite sex friends in marriage.

One of the the many hot potato issues here on TAM and in real life marriages is the issue of opposite sex friends. In fact, there are numerous threads in the CWI section and I'm sure in a few other sections too, of marriages and relationships in trouble or one partner having trouble, because of opposite sex friends. There seem to be two opposing schools of thought. Those for and those against. What I found lacking , is a middle ground, that middle ground being self governance, or as Shakespeare put it in the play " Hamlet "; ".."To thine own self be true, and it shall follow the night, the day that thou canst not then be false to any man..." I think if people are really honest with themselves, this could be a non issue. Some people put themselves into situations where they are weak & vulnerable, and refuse advice or help when offered. Some people don't really know, how they would react in such situations, so they become involved in EA's or PA's, rewrite their history, blame their partner and from there , its a downward spiral. Some people know themselves, have very good personal boundaries, have good relationships with their spouses, so they manage these type of friendships well. I think that behind these type of friendships is a need for external validation , and I don't see anything wrong with that. After all we are all social beings. The "scotoma" or blind spot IMO is overconfidence ,self aggrandizement on one end ,and at the opposite end , insecurity and low self worth. To be honest, we all go through these feelings at different phases in our lives , and we are all different people. I'm of the view that married people should; 1] Choose their friends carefully.OSF should respect YOUR personal / marital boundaries. 2] Do not have OSF that the other partner does not approve of. 3] Make themselves & their partners their primary source of validation / praise. 4] Not willingly put themselves into compromising positions with OSF. 5] Never talk about marital problems with an OSF. 6] Not be friends with people they want to have sex with. 7] Trust each other's judgement on OSF situations. I notice there's a book always recommended here by some posters , namely " Not just friends " I have never read it, but I have researched the author and her work, and I was impressed. Much of what she said is common sense. The problem is that we let " political correctness" supercede common sense. IMO ,that type of politics has absolutely no place in a marriage. Your thoughts?

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