| Been with my husband for 10 years, married for 5. No kids. We went through rough patches occasionally, but nothing crazy and even he agrees most of our relationship has been very good. I thought were on steady ground and he was my forever love. Before we got married I told him, "Don't cheat on me. Don't hit me. Anything else we can work out." He agreed that he felt the same way. We were so close we shared everything. Our hopes, our dreams. I trusted him completely and knew we would be together forever. The #1 item on my bucket list was kissing him on our 50th wedding anniversary. Some background: Despite the fact I work a regular 9-5, I helped him constantly with his own independent business, and together we built it to be successful. He was able to stay home and focus on it due to my paycheck and my company provided health insurance. We sink our life savings into adding an additional (and not yet profitable) division to our business. I assist in helping build this new division and even take time off from my day job several times to help. He tells me he couldn't have done this without me. He then says adding the new division is so stressful he needs an "alone" trip to a very random city in another country. At first I am hesitant, but because I trust him, I say go ahead. He makes a big show of not wanting to go, attempts to cancel it, etc. and says how much he will miss me. While he is gone, he leaves his Facebook account logged into. I see a new message from someone I don't recognize who looks very young. Click. Hundreds of messages. She is the most beautiful girl in the world. He loved taking her out to dinner when she was in our hometown. He feels like meeting her was his destiny. He will arrange it so he will meet her in hometown and they can fly to Paris together. Pet names. Intimate talk. Everything signed hugs and kisses my darling dearest. This one hurts the most: He will never forget her. Some of the best moments of his life have been with her. This one hurts second most: He was writing to her while we were visiting my dying grandfather in the hospital. He was emotionally distant from me and now I know why. How long has this been going on? 7 months. Interestingly enough, about 5 months ago I insisted we go to marriage counseling as something felt off. He was cold and distant towards me. Three sessions of marriage counseling, where he says nothing besides listing my faults. The marriage counselor is of course impressed he is such a successful business owner. He never brings up this girl. He never says anything at all about it. Our relationship vastly improves and we stop going. I later find out it improves because the girl has written to him she still wants to be friends but has found someone else. The final message in the long chain is him telling her he is in her town without his wife. She asks him to meet her at her work. He agrees. I call him and confront him with this information. He is of course, shocked. He admits he had an emotional but not physical affair. He insists they never touched, never even held hands, etc. He said he thinks our marriage is now in a great place but didn't want to cancel the trip because it might seem "fishy." He didn't know why he said he would meet her, but he didn't go. He says the affair began as he felt there was an emotional connection missing in our marriage and he was lonely. She is ten years younger. Legal but still a student. He does not offer to come home. He insists we can work it out and rebuild trust. He apologizes in a very generic way. He says I am the love of his life. He can't lose me. She doesn't mean anything to him. The best moments of his life have been with me. It just happened and he got caught up in it. The part about it not being physical I don't believe for a second. And even if that's true, the emotional component was gut wrenching horrific. A mutual friend of ours calls him and says he is disgusted that my husband did not fly home immediately when I called him with this news. Husband then calls me and says he will come home early. I say don't bother. It's over. And in my heart it is. I no longer love him. He is a liar. A sociopath. A narcissist who used and violated me emotionally and financially. I don't know who this man is. I understand things were strained while we invested OUR life savings in expanding the company, but the way he dealt with it while I was working my a$$ off to help him and our family disgusts me. I blocked him on social networking (too painful to see his updates) and am moving forward on moving out. I tried to call him to let him know when I would be gone but he now refuses to take my phone calls and is using our joint email account to make sure I know he is taking another woman out to dinner, breakfast, etc. with our hard earned money. I feel shocked, betrayed, violated, awful. But I also feel like I am making the right decision and I have amazing family and friends supporting. I'm sorry this story is so long. I never thought it would happen to me. I thought he was the most kind, wonderful, loyal person in the world. How foolish I feel. Seeking advice, perspective, support. Does it ever get better? My world is falling apart. It feels awful to know he doesn't care about me and possibly never did. | |||
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