I think I just made things between my wife and my Sister a whole lot worse.

Hi there, For many years things have been a bit difficult for my wife. MY sister is a very sociable and excitable person where as my wife is sociable in her own way and well, they just never connected in a special way. In the beginning my wife would tell me that my sister ignores her when others are around. Not in any intentional, she doesn't like my wife kind of way......she just forgets she's there. I would tell my wife that she maybe needs to make more of an effort until I started to sit back and watch and it's true. My sister would rarely acknowledge my wife's presence. For instance at a family night out she sat through the whole meal with her back to my wife chatting to the other person beside her. This all came to a head at Christmas when my wife's family were visiting. We've been together for 9 years by the way. My sister got all excited and said to my wife's sister that they should go on a night out. My wife wasn't included in this conversation at all and it hurt her so badly. Of course she knew that she could go but without being invited by her sister in law, who she'd known for such a long time to ask if she could go was I think a bit humiliating. As the weeks passed my sister noticed something was wrong (which we thought was admirable actually) and we thought we'd let time be the healer as my wife didn't was a fuss or for things to change. The other night my sister phoned me as she found out the problem from my parents. She started telling me how it was ridiculous and that she was really hurt that my wife would think that she wasn't included and then proceeded to tell me that my wife had a problem. She kept pushing me that I couldn't help it and I told her (in a calm way) how she's been with my wife over the years. She did not take it well. She got mega upset (and I could hear her husband in the background wanting to talk to me) and thinks we have this grudge against her. I assured her we don't. So I spoke to my Dad who suggested I phone my Sister asking her to meet to have a chat all together. She doesn't want to. She thinks that we obviously think her behaviour towards my wife has been unacceptable and that we have a grudge against her. What's worse is that my wife now looks like someone who's been harbouring ill feelings towards my sister for years where in reality we accepted long ago that they just wouldn't have that type of friend/relationship and we didn't want to cause any family breakups. The Christmas thing was just too hurtful though. In my spilling the beans to my sister however I've made things a whole lot worse and I don't know how to tackle it. As much as it upsets me when I see my wife brushing aside my wife (as unintentional as it is) I know telling my sister about nine years of disconnection was a bit too much for her. I don't know what to do.

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