I hope some others can shed some light on to our situation. We met back in 2009, marriage in 2012. She's currently 38, I am currently 36. Everything was fine up until a few months prior to our wedding. My father passed away about 2 months before our marriage. I will agree, it put a lot of stress on me. I had to help my mother adjust with living alone and handing my father's final issues. There were legal, financial, real estate issues that took about a year to correct. It was very tough on me, and it took a lot from me. During that year, I wasn't interested in trying for a family. I was very close to my father and his death turned my life upside down. I finally got back to square 1 in my life and I said to my wife, let's start trying for a family. She wanted two, but I know I can, at this time, afford one comfortably. Since then, she's be distant, uninterested in sex or intimacy, and keeps on blaming me for delaying trying for a kid. She wen t to a therapist, and the therapist said she should start trying or she will be alone and childless in her 40's. Still, nothing changed. It's been nearly two months since we had intercourse. She says, sorry, I am not interested in having intimacy. We have problems. I said what problems. You know. What problems? It's kind of hard to have a child if one party never is interested in having relations. She said, sorry. You were welcomed to come to the therapist, but you didn't want too. I offered, but she said it was her issues, and she had to work through them, so I did not push.
I said, you are pushing us farther and farther away from each other. She then says, that is all you care about is sex. I said, intimacy and closeness is important. We've not had any intimacy in nearly two months. She then said, well, you lost your erection the last time, so why bother (I was fighting prostatitis). She treats everyone much better than me, and she says, she can, because others will not talk to her and at work she would get fired. At home, she can't get fired. I love her very much, as well as her family, but I feel we're headed for divorce (me filing). I've hinted at it that I am not happy and it isn't working, she seems not to care. She says, well, you cannot throw me out, I will move when I am ready. I said, I am not even going there. I would rather work on each other and get back to having the caring woman that I married. She said that woman is gone.
Half of me is wanting out of this marriage, half of me is hoping it will get better. Everything she wants or wanted, I've offered (nothing material). She's upset that it's late in life and she has no children. She blames me that I delayed because of my father passing away and I was in the hospital. Not saying that I caused it, but that it was a convenient time for everything to happen. Which, I've been trying for over a year now to get her to start trying, but she NEVER has any interest in intimacy. It's seems counter-productive if that is her goal.
It's turning into a train wreck and I do not know what to do. Some days she can be amazing, others, very hard to deal with. Again, I have not asked for a divorce yet, but I feel she's pushing me towards it. I think she doesn't think I will go there or say I want a divorce. While true, I do not want to go there, but she's not the same woman I married. We're in a equitable property state, and as she wanted, we have separate accounts (her second a marriage, my first). Since she moved into my apt., she's not helped pay for the housing costs. She's given me money for food and utilities from time to time. I've placed that money into a new separate account and never touched it. Just in case a divorce would happen.
I am completely lost. Any advice.
I said, you are pushing us farther and farther away from each other. She then says, that is all you care about is sex. I said, intimacy and closeness is important. We've not had any intimacy in nearly two months. She then said, well, you lost your erection the last time, so why bother (I was fighting prostatitis). She treats everyone much better than me, and she says, she can, because others will not talk to her and at work she would get fired. At home, she can't get fired. I love her very much, as well as her family, but I feel we're headed for divorce (me filing). I've hinted at it that I am not happy and it isn't working, she seems not to care. She says, well, you cannot throw me out, I will move when I am ready. I said, I am not even going there. I would rather work on each other and get back to having the caring woman that I married. She said that woman is gone.
Half of me is wanting out of this marriage, half of me is hoping it will get better. Everything she wants or wanted, I've offered (nothing material). She's upset that it's late in life and she has no children. She blames me that I delayed because of my father passing away and I was in the hospital. Not saying that I caused it, but that it was a convenient time for everything to happen. Which, I've been trying for over a year now to get her to start trying, but she NEVER has any interest in intimacy. It's seems counter-productive if that is her goal.
It's turning into a train wreck and I do not know what to do. Some days she can be amazing, others, very hard to deal with. Again, I have not asked for a divorce yet, but I feel she's pushing me towards it. I think she doesn't think I will go there or say I want a divorce. While true, I do not want to go there, but she's not the same woman I married. We're in a equitable property state, and as she wanted, we have separate accounts (her second a marriage, my first). Since she moved into my apt., she's not helped pay for the housing costs. She's given me money for food and utilities from time to time. I've placed that money into a new separate account and never touched it. Just in case a divorce would happen.
I am completely lost. Any advice.
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