So here it goes, I am looking for advice!
I am 29 years old; I am married to my wife of 28 years for 2 years and 9 months now. We courted each other for 5 years before marriage - we were in a sort of live-in relationship during this time. Everything was fine during this time, we loved each other immensely.
There were no problems as per what I saw until 2 years after marriage - My spouse suddenly started getting distant and acting different with me. I knew something was wrong. During the next 9 months, the distances only increased although I tried to put as much effort to try to get close to her. Apparently the only problem she had with me was that - I did not give her enough time and attention. She often said even though i was physically present, I was emotionally absent. She used to be fine some days but some days she used to act very weird.
I usually have to work late due to overlap and meetings with onshore counterparts based in other countries, my wife started complaining that I spent a lot of time on my laptop and did not give her enough time, although as per me - we had quality time spent almost on a daily basis, we used to dine out and go out for movies several times during this time. We have been out on several vacations as well. But i somehow did not agree with my wife's accusation of not giving her enough time. I started to dedicate more time to her and spend absolutely no time on work while at home. In spite of putting every effort - she found one reason or the other to accuse me of not giving her enough time. I was simply not able to understand why she was telling so. She usually used to be grumpy and moody and always getting angry for days together at silly and small things that i did.
When i simply could not control my anxiousness to find out what was happening, I hacked into all her email accounts, Facebook and telephone records without her knowledge. I came to know that she was having long frequent conversations and meetings with a male co-worked at her office. I could not find this out earlier as she used to do all of this during office hours. They were in close contact since 1 year of our marriage and even until recently.
During this time, the physical intimacy between us gradually reduced to Zero over the past few months. She often complained she was either tired, or stressed out and asked for more time whenever I requested for physical intimacy, i could not understand why but it all made sense to me now.
Initially when I did find out about her meeting with her male co-worked, I had warned her against continuing it, but it seems she simply continued it without my knowledge and ended up having an affair.
When i confronted her while she was on vacation with her female friends - she simply shut off her cell. With the extreme feelings which I went through I needed to share this with someone - and I did so with my and my wife's extended family. My parents and her parents all know of her affair now, she admitted to having an affair but now she blames me for her affair. She says because I did not dedicate time and attention to her, she had to find that from someone else. At this point I am very confused because I feel whatever she is saying is not very true.
I had a detailed talk with her and she said that she gradually got closer to the male coworker as he gave her time and attention to her that I did not on a daily basis. She says they had only an emotional affair with hugs and kisses and she also said they did not have any physical affair. I am not sure if I can trust her anymore.
I told her that I am ready to forgive her for what she has done provided she mends her ways and gets back at reconciling marriage with me.
She has moved back to her parent's home in another city and had asked for 2 months' time to decide on what she wants. Initially it seemed like she was really repenting for having the affair. But lately she has been telling that she just wants to stay alone for the rest of her life and she wants no one to satisfy her needs. She keeps fluctuating about her thoughts - sometimes it seems she wants to work on her marriage and sometimes it seems she has just given up. I already told her to stop all contact with the OM, and she says that she has stopped all possible contact with him.
I am very confused now with the direction i should take in my life going forward. Appreciate any sincere advice I can get here.
I am 29 years old; I am married to my wife of 28 years for 2 years and 9 months now. We courted each other for 5 years before marriage - we were in a sort of live-in relationship during this time. Everything was fine during this time, we loved each other immensely.
There were no problems as per what I saw until 2 years after marriage - My spouse suddenly started getting distant and acting different with me. I knew something was wrong. During the next 9 months, the distances only increased although I tried to put as much effort to try to get close to her. Apparently the only problem she had with me was that - I did not give her enough time and attention. She often said even though i was physically present, I was emotionally absent. She used to be fine some days but some days she used to act very weird.
I usually have to work late due to overlap and meetings with onshore counterparts based in other countries, my wife started complaining that I spent a lot of time on my laptop and did not give her enough time, although as per me - we had quality time spent almost on a daily basis, we used to dine out and go out for movies several times during this time. We have been out on several vacations as well. But i somehow did not agree with my wife's accusation of not giving her enough time. I started to dedicate more time to her and spend absolutely no time on work while at home. In spite of putting every effort - she found one reason or the other to accuse me of not giving her enough time. I was simply not able to understand why she was telling so. She usually used to be grumpy and moody and always getting angry for days together at silly and small things that i did.
When i simply could not control my anxiousness to find out what was happening, I hacked into all her email accounts, Facebook and telephone records without her knowledge. I came to know that she was having long frequent conversations and meetings with a male co-worked at her office. I could not find this out earlier as she used to do all of this during office hours. They were in close contact since 1 year of our marriage and even until recently.
During this time, the physical intimacy between us gradually reduced to Zero over the past few months. She often complained she was either tired, or stressed out and asked for more time whenever I requested for physical intimacy, i could not understand why but it all made sense to me now.
Initially when I did find out about her meeting with her male co-worked, I had warned her against continuing it, but it seems she simply continued it without my knowledge and ended up having an affair.
When i confronted her while she was on vacation with her female friends - she simply shut off her cell. With the extreme feelings which I went through I needed to share this with someone - and I did so with my and my wife's extended family. My parents and her parents all know of her affair now, she admitted to having an affair but now she blames me for her affair. She says because I did not dedicate time and attention to her, she had to find that from someone else. At this point I am very confused because I feel whatever she is saying is not very true.
I had a detailed talk with her and she said that she gradually got closer to the male coworker as he gave her time and attention to her that I did not on a daily basis. She says they had only an emotional affair with hugs and kisses and she also said they did not have any physical affair. I am not sure if I can trust her anymore.
I told her that I am ready to forgive her for what she has done provided she mends her ways and gets back at reconciling marriage with me.
She has moved back to her parent's home in another city and had asked for 2 months' time to decide on what she wants. Initially it seemed like she was really repenting for having the affair. But lately she has been telling that she just wants to stay alone for the rest of her life and she wants no one to satisfy her needs. She keeps fluctuating about her thoughts - sometimes it seems she wants to work on her marriage and sometimes it seems she has just given up. I already told her to stop all contact with the OM, and she says that she has stopped all possible contact with him.
I am very confused now with the direction i should take in my life going forward. Appreciate any sincere advice I can get here.
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