I posted in the wrong forum a few weeks ago as my hubby had told me he has given up on our marriage.
I need to vent, and hope that doing it on here is okay. Any guidance or advice would be great if you have been in a similiar position :(
Our marriage has been a mess for a while but I had hoped we would get through it and stupidly I also thought that as we were married we would be together forever, through sickness and in health etc etc. Oh how wrong I was!
Four years ago I suffered really badly with anxiety and panic attacks. He left me then as things were so bad at home. I was awful to live with and I told him to get out which he did. He came back a week later we talked and made it up but I can see that we didn't change anything.
Two years ago he cheated on me on a night out with his work colleagues. I cannot begin to put into words how this made me feel. My abusive ex cheated on me all the time including with my best friend (ex best friend!). He knew that he couldn't hurt me any worse by cheating on me yet he did it anyway. He blamed booze and also demons from his past and I forgave him. He went for counselling and we got back on track. Or so I thought. I never truely forgave the cheating or rather I forgave but I always had it in the back of my mind that he was capable of it again.
My anxiety came back late last year around the time he was getting friendly with a woman at work. They'd been working closely and she was off sick and I found a message from her on his fb asking for her to drop something off for her. He'd been round and had stayed for a coffee. He never mentioned it until I saw the message (he never kept his fb / emails / phone private). He said it was friends only. She's married etc etc. I wasn't happy and it started my feelings of insecurity again.
Not long after he went out on a works night out and she was there. He knew I was worried because of what had happened the last time he went out and he drove and only went for an hour or two and he texted during the evening. Later that night I went on his kindle - he was still up - and I could see they were messaging each other. It seemed innocent but then she put something along the lines of 'i get the hint, see ya' and the message before had been deleted. I pulled him on it and told him I would be letting her husband know. He said there was nothing in it and because of my insecurities, I let it go believing it was all in my head. Not long after that she stopped liking and commenting on his fb stuff. I am paranoid because of my past so I just thought maybe I was overanalysing it all.
About 3 months ago my anxiety came back and I was signed off work. This has made me miserable again as the panic is so limiting. I struggle to leave the house, I am so irritable. Not a nice person to be around. Hubby had been distant to me for a while and I knew he wasn't happy but he denied it over and over so again I thought it was just in my head which made me even more irritable.
He had become more and more distant from me. Always on his phone. The affection stopped. He always used to tell me he loved me, every day. He'd kiss me good morning, good bye. this all stopped. I had to ask for a kiss. It was heartbreaking. I was so upset by it all. Depressed that this is what our marriage had come to but I didn't know how to fix it. I just thought, hoped, it would mend. I lost count of the times I went to bed and cried myself to sleep.
Fast forward to two weeks ago and he's left me. Said we have nothing in common, we don't make each other happy and we haven't for a long time. He repeated everything I have been saying to him for the last month. All which he has denied saying we are okay. It felt like all this time I have been trying to get him to open up to me, to admit he doesn't feel the same but because he didn't tell me the truth I have just got more and more miserable and upset.
Over the last week he has been making late night calls to the department where this woman works - they work at the same place but he's on leave this week. I don't know how to react. I know we are now no longer together, just married in law but he has gone. I just don't know what to do, how to handle it. I want to scream at him. He knows I have my suspicions. Friends on FB have told me he is definately showing signs of cheating / meeting someone new because he refused to talk about the breakup, just told me then moved most of his stuff out. He refused to go to counselling even though I embarrasingly begged him to.
How do I deal with this without looking even worse / desperate than he already thinks I am? It's so hard to not go mad at him. But I did all that when we were together, to get a reaction and all it did was make me upset and make him leave.
I have no evidence that he is speaking to her in particular but it's too much of a coincidence and too much has happened between them two. She was working this last week and he's calling her team for long calls. Her husband is on fb and I am tempted to message him but then I should have done it last year when she was messaging my husband.
Sorry for the long rant, I just need to get this out and hopefully someone may be able to help me with how I deal with the heartbreak and not make myself look any worse than he already looks at me.
I am seeing a solicitor about the house and he did say he doesn't want anything from it but I know that could change if I start being a pain. We also have a large joint loan and I have debt of my own so I am conscious that I need to come to an agreement about that. He wants to do a quicky divorce without solicitors involvement but I said whatever we decide I need it in writing. He said he wouldn't go back on an agreement but he went back on our vows so I believe nothing he says.
I need to vent, and hope that doing it on here is okay. Any guidance or advice would be great if you have been in a similiar position :(
Our marriage has been a mess for a while but I had hoped we would get through it and stupidly I also thought that as we were married we would be together forever, through sickness and in health etc etc. Oh how wrong I was!
Four years ago I suffered really badly with anxiety and panic attacks. He left me then as things were so bad at home. I was awful to live with and I told him to get out which he did. He came back a week later we talked and made it up but I can see that we didn't change anything.
Two years ago he cheated on me on a night out with his work colleagues. I cannot begin to put into words how this made me feel. My abusive ex cheated on me all the time including with my best friend (ex best friend!). He knew that he couldn't hurt me any worse by cheating on me yet he did it anyway. He blamed booze and also demons from his past and I forgave him. He went for counselling and we got back on track. Or so I thought. I never truely forgave the cheating or rather I forgave but I always had it in the back of my mind that he was capable of it again.
My anxiety came back late last year around the time he was getting friendly with a woman at work. They'd been working closely and she was off sick and I found a message from her on his fb asking for her to drop something off for her. He'd been round and had stayed for a coffee. He never mentioned it until I saw the message (he never kept his fb / emails / phone private). He said it was friends only. She's married etc etc. I wasn't happy and it started my feelings of insecurity again.
Not long after he went out on a works night out and she was there. He knew I was worried because of what had happened the last time he went out and he drove and only went for an hour or two and he texted during the evening. Later that night I went on his kindle - he was still up - and I could see they were messaging each other. It seemed innocent but then she put something along the lines of 'i get the hint, see ya' and the message before had been deleted. I pulled him on it and told him I would be letting her husband know. He said there was nothing in it and because of my insecurities, I let it go believing it was all in my head. Not long after that she stopped liking and commenting on his fb stuff. I am paranoid because of my past so I just thought maybe I was overanalysing it all.
About 3 months ago my anxiety came back and I was signed off work. This has made me miserable again as the panic is so limiting. I struggle to leave the house, I am so irritable. Not a nice person to be around. Hubby had been distant to me for a while and I knew he wasn't happy but he denied it over and over so again I thought it was just in my head which made me even more irritable.
He had become more and more distant from me. Always on his phone. The affection stopped. He always used to tell me he loved me, every day. He'd kiss me good morning, good bye. this all stopped. I had to ask for a kiss. It was heartbreaking. I was so upset by it all. Depressed that this is what our marriage had come to but I didn't know how to fix it. I just thought, hoped, it would mend. I lost count of the times I went to bed and cried myself to sleep.
Fast forward to two weeks ago and he's left me. Said we have nothing in common, we don't make each other happy and we haven't for a long time. He repeated everything I have been saying to him for the last month. All which he has denied saying we are okay. It felt like all this time I have been trying to get him to open up to me, to admit he doesn't feel the same but because he didn't tell me the truth I have just got more and more miserable and upset.
Over the last week he has been making late night calls to the department where this woman works - they work at the same place but he's on leave this week. I don't know how to react. I know we are now no longer together, just married in law but he has gone. I just don't know what to do, how to handle it. I want to scream at him. He knows I have my suspicions. Friends on FB have told me he is definately showing signs of cheating / meeting someone new because he refused to talk about the breakup, just told me then moved most of his stuff out. He refused to go to counselling even though I embarrasingly begged him to.
How do I deal with this without looking even worse / desperate than he already thinks I am? It's so hard to not go mad at him. But I did all that when we were together, to get a reaction and all it did was make me upset and make him leave.
I have no evidence that he is speaking to her in particular but it's too much of a coincidence and too much has happened between them two. She was working this last week and he's calling her team for long calls. Her husband is on fb and I am tempted to message him but then I should have done it last year when she was messaging my husband.
Sorry for the long rant, I just need to get this out and hopefully someone may be able to help me with how I deal with the heartbreak and not make myself look any worse than he already looks at me.
I am seeing a solicitor about the house and he did say he doesn't want anything from it but I know that could change if I start being a pain. We also have a large joint loan and I have debt of my own so I am conscious that I need to come to an agreement about that. He wants to do a quicky divorce without solicitors involvement but I said whatever we decide I need it in writing. He said he wouldn't go back on an agreement but he went back on our vows so I believe nothing he says.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment