Where to begin? I guess at the beginning. If anyone I knew heard this story they would not believe it of me. I am truly white bread and plain vanilla and I have never done anything wrong in my life.
I have been married 25 years to the same man and always physically faithful to him until the last 3 years. I guess this is where I should tell you about my marriage. I met my husband and after knowing him 5 years we married. We started off as just friends and it evolved into a romantic relationship. Very early in the marriage sex became infrequent and he did not always have the ability to perform.
He has always been a very ambitious, driven, and intense man who spent 85% of his time working, 10% of his time pursuing sports, and 5% of his time with me. Believe it or not I actually charted it out after we got married. When I said something to him he said I was never to interfere with his work. Long story short, over the years, I began to feel more and more abandoned. He is a good man, a good provider and I love him and would never want to hurt him.
About me. I am an only child, no siblings, no children, parents are both dead and to make things worse, as I look back to my childhood I'm sure I suffered from separation anxiety and I think I still do. My mother was the most wonderful Mom ever and I loved her dearly. My Dad was controlling and verbally abusive to both my Mom and myself. When I lost my mother I felt like I was no longer anchored to the world, and when I lost my Dad I felt nothing but relief. I remained closely involved with him and he was very abusive to the end.
Seven years ago I was bored and started playing an online game. It was social and I was able to be creative as well making virtual things (I'm the artsy fartsy type). While playing I met a man from London online and we began spending a lot of time together. It seemed harmless, he was an avatar, it wasn't real and it soothed the loneliness. He wanted to take it to real life and I didn't. He eventually convinced me and we exchanged phone numbers, pictures, and opened skype accounts. He lost his job and after that we would spend 5 or 6 hours a day together on skype. When we went about our days we would take each other with us via the phone. In the evenings we were together virtually. We became each others lives. We were also able to make enough money together through a virtual business for him to be able to live without a job.
Three years ago he left London to come to the states to be with me.
We have spent almost every day together since. He lives in a house that I inherited from my Mom. He is illegal and I can't marry him for the obvious reasons. I'm also 15 years older than he is which he has always known. I have been told a million times that I look 20 years younger so no funny looks from people and he finds me attractive.
Everything has finally come to a head as I knew it would some day because of his immigration status because he has no life without me, he can't even work, drive or get a bank account.
Three months ago he went to an online dating site and met a girl.
She figured the situation out after visiting him at home a few times
and he lied to her and told her we were just friends. It also came out about his status so she offered to marry him. They got married a few days ago but he refuses to move out of my house and move in with her. I know it's a green card marriage because he told me if he got married it would be for a green card, but she thinks it's the real deal after just 3 months of knowing him. He said he needed a life and I agree with him.
She texted me and asked me about our relationship and I told her the truth. Now that he won't move in with her she has gotten all wiggy and keeps saying he loves me more than her and she will have to always live with that. I have tried throwing him out and he refuses to leave and even said he would tell my husband if I make him leave. She is hysterical and freaking out, and is threatening to tell my husband. I told him just please go live with her and all of this will go away. The got married at a justice of the peace in a county with no waiting time, and the next day they were at the immigration lawyer and she has already added him to her insurance.
He will not cop out to this being a green card marriage to me but he won't leave. I honestly think he is afraid to admit it because he is afraid I will tell her. He keeps telling me that I am his best friend and he always wants to be able to see me. I told him that was fine but he has to leave. He tells her he will move in with her in 2 months when she can get a bigger place. He is using his dog as an excuse not to move in with her. I have told him that I understand his decision to move on because he needs a life but he won't leave.
I know this is getting long but it's a long story. I guess I'm not really asking what to do about him or her or them telling my husband, I'm asking what to do about me and venting as well.
I take personal responsibility for my actions and I get what I get. I knew the risks. In fact I have made very little effort to hide it and yet hubby has never noticed, questioned me, or said anything. I'm not sure if he is that self involved, doesn't care, or doesn't want to know. Either way I do love him and don't want to hurt him.
I'm here because absolutely no one else in my life knows about this or ever has. Not my friends, not anyone. I just need a sounding board. Thanks for reading this very long post.
I have been married 25 years to the same man and always physically faithful to him until the last 3 years. I guess this is where I should tell you about my marriage. I met my husband and after knowing him 5 years we married. We started off as just friends and it evolved into a romantic relationship. Very early in the marriage sex became infrequent and he did not always have the ability to perform.
He has always been a very ambitious, driven, and intense man who spent 85% of his time working, 10% of his time pursuing sports, and 5% of his time with me. Believe it or not I actually charted it out after we got married. When I said something to him he said I was never to interfere with his work. Long story short, over the years, I began to feel more and more abandoned. He is a good man, a good provider and I love him and would never want to hurt him.
About me. I am an only child, no siblings, no children, parents are both dead and to make things worse, as I look back to my childhood I'm sure I suffered from separation anxiety and I think I still do. My mother was the most wonderful Mom ever and I loved her dearly. My Dad was controlling and verbally abusive to both my Mom and myself. When I lost my mother I felt like I was no longer anchored to the world, and when I lost my Dad I felt nothing but relief. I remained closely involved with him and he was very abusive to the end.
Seven years ago I was bored and started playing an online game. It was social and I was able to be creative as well making virtual things (I'm the artsy fartsy type). While playing I met a man from London online and we began spending a lot of time together. It seemed harmless, he was an avatar, it wasn't real and it soothed the loneliness. He wanted to take it to real life and I didn't. He eventually convinced me and we exchanged phone numbers, pictures, and opened skype accounts. He lost his job and after that we would spend 5 or 6 hours a day together on skype. When we went about our days we would take each other with us via the phone. In the evenings we were together virtually. We became each others lives. We were also able to make enough money together through a virtual business for him to be able to live without a job.
Three years ago he left London to come to the states to be with me.
We have spent almost every day together since. He lives in a house that I inherited from my Mom. He is illegal and I can't marry him for the obvious reasons. I'm also 15 years older than he is which he has always known. I have been told a million times that I look 20 years younger so no funny looks from people and he finds me attractive.
Everything has finally come to a head as I knew it would some day because of his immigration status because he has no life without me, he can't even work, drive or get a bank account.
Three months ago he went to an online dating site and met a girl.
She figured the situation out after visiting him at home a few times
and he lied to her and told her we were just friends. It also came out about his status so she offered to marry him. They got married a few days ago but he refuses to move out of my house and move in with her. I know it's a green card marriage because he told me if he got married it would be for a green card, but she thinks it's the real deal after just 3 months of knowing him. He said he needed a life and I agree with him.
She texted me and asked me about our relationship and I told her the truth. Now that he won't move in with her she has gotten all wiggy and keeps saying he loves me more than her and she will have to always live with that. I have tried throwing him out and he refuses to leave and even said he would tell my husband if I make him leave. She is hysterical and freaking out, and is threatening to tell my husband. I told him just please go live with her and all of this will go away. The got married at a justice of the peace in a county with no waiting time, and the next day they were at the immigration lawyer and she has already added him to her insurance.
He will not cop out to this being a green card marriage to me but he won't leave. I honestly think he is afraid to admit it because he is afraid I will tell her. He keeps telling me that I am his best friend and he always wants to be able to see me. I told him that was fine but he has to leave. He tells her he will move in with her in 2 months when she can get a bigger place. He is using his dog as an excuse not to move in with her. I have told him that I understand his decision to move on because he needs a life but he won't leave.
I know this is getting long but it's a long story. I guess I'm not really asking what to do about him or her or them telling my husband, I'm asking what to do about me and venting as well.
I take personal responsibility for my actions and I get what I get. I knew the risks. In fact I have made very little effort to hide it and yet hubby has never noticed, questioned me, or said anything. I'm not sure if he is that self involved, doesn't care, or doesn't want to know. Either way I do love him and don't want to hurt him.
I'm here because absolutely no one else in my life knows about this or ever has. Not my friends, not anyone. I just need a sounding board. Thanks for reading this very long post.
Put the internet to work for you.
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