This is a bit long so thanks to anyone who takes time to read it.
I would like some advice on a situation I have with my husband concerning money and me being a SAHM. My husband was born and raised in a very poor foreign country, although his family is considered middle class there. He finally immigrated to the U.S. to live with me and our son. For the first year after he arrived here we used to fight a lot about money because he was struggling to find an engineering job with his foreign degree and he kept mentally converting dollars to his home currency. We had a lot of financial support from my mother and even lived with her at first. I stayed home taking care of our infant son.
Eventually we moved out on our own but stayed below the poverty line. We continued to have some fights about money but we got by. Now he recently landed his dream job as an engineer. It's a contract-to-hire position so the pay is initially lower but still more than enough. Everyone at his job loves him and they've made it clear from the start that they are very excited to hire him as a salaried employee, with plenty of overtime pay and benefits.
I am a still a SAHM and currently pregnant with our second child. I have a degree and some student debt but my degree is very limited. Honestly my degree is only specifically necessary in one type of government job (though in very very high demand with the government) and the minimum pay is more than what my husband is currently earning. I'm more than happy to be a wife and stay-at-home mom rather than pursue my career. My husband was on board but now his opinion has changed. He keeps talking about me getting a job and putting our kids in daycare. It's not financially necessary and may cost more in the end anyway. Plus I strongly believe in one parent being at home to raise the kids when they aren't in school full-time. Things we agreed on before marriage and kids.
I have struggled with postpartum depression and I am still mildly depressed now. I stay home with our toddler which gets very draining. We only have one car and my husband works 30 minutes away so I can't (money-wise) drop him off at work and keep the car. My husband moved us into a nicer apartment that we both love, but made me feel that the extra money spent on rent means we shouldn't spend money on unnecessary things. But for him everything is unnecessary except bills and basic food. He has even questioned me using toilet paper since he was raised using water. He also doesn't approve of me using the dishwasher or the AC, two things he also grew up without. However these were two of the pluses I had been looking forward to when we picked out this apartment.
But I've adapted to all this and enjoy free activities like walking outside. I'm just sick of talking about money and me working. I don't mind waiting to do "unnecessary" things, like camping, backpacking, eating out, seeing movies, visiting family, joining classes, etc. But I'm sick of hearing about how much every little thing costs. He thinks if I work I will have money to spend on these things and therefore I will be much happier. We already have money for extra things but he doesn't feel secure about it. If I get a job then my money would go towards "extra" things without him feeling burdened. But for me the negatives of working outweigh any benefit. He keeps talking to me and trying to convince me until I'm crying.
I'm living with so much guilt about spending any money and I don't feel supported as a SAHM. Will he get used to the cost of things in the U.S. the longer he lives here? Should I just ignore him when he talks about me working? It always leaves me in tears. What is the best thing to do?
I would like some advice on a situation I have with my husband concerning money and me being a SAHM. My husband was born and raised in a very poor foreign country, although his family is considered middle class there. He finally immigrated to the U.S. to live with me and our son. For the first year after he arrived here we used to fight a lot about money because he was struggling to find an engineering job with his foreign degree and he kept mentally converting dollars to his home currency. We had a lot of financial support from my mother and even lived with her at first. I stayed home taking care of our infant son.
Eventually we moved out on our own but stayed below the poverty line. We continued to have some fights about money but we got by. Now he recently landed his dream job as an engineer. It's a contract-to-hire position so the pay is initially lower but still more than enough. Everyone at his job loves him and they've made it clear from the start that they are very excited to hire him as a salaried employee, with plenty of overtime pay and benefits.
I am a still a SAHM and currently pregnant with our second child. I have a degree and some student debt but my degree is very limited. Honestly my degree is only specifically necessary in one type of government job (though in very very high demand with the government) and the minimum pay is more than what my husband is currently earning. I'm more than happy to be a wife and stay-at-home mom rather than pursue my career. My husband was on board but now his opinion has changed. He keeps talking about me getting a job and putting our kids in daycare. It's not financially necessary and may cost more in the end anyway. Plus I strongly believe in one parent being at home to raise the kids when they aren't in school full-time. Things we agreed on before marriage and kids.
I have struggled with postpartum depression and I am still mildly depressed now. I stay home with our toddler which gets very draining. We only have one car and my husband works 30 minutes away so I can't (money-wise) drop him off at work and keep the car. My husband moved us into a nicer apartment that we both love, but made me feel that the extra money spent on rent means we shouldn't spend money on unnecessary things. But for him everything is unnecessary except bills and basic food. He has even questioned me using toilet paper since he was raised using water. He also doesn't approve of me using the dishwasher or the AC, two things he also grew up without. However these were two of the pluses I had been looking forward to when we picked out this apartment.
But I've adapted to all this and enjoy free activities like walking outside. I'm just sick of talking about money and me working. I don't mind waiting to do "unnecessary" things, like camping, backpacking, eating out, seeing movies, visiting family, joining classes, etc. But I'm sick of hearing about how much every little thing costs. He thinks if I work I will have money to spend on these things and therefore I will be much happier. We already have money for extra things but he doesn't feel secure about it. If I get a job then my money would go towards "extra" things without him feeling burdened. But for me the negatives of working outweigh any benefit. He keeps talking to me and trying to convince me until I'm crying.
I'm living with so much guilt about spending any money and I don't feel supported as a SAHM. Will he get used to the cost of things in the U.S. the longer he lives here? Should I just ignore him when he talks about me working? It always leaves me in tears. What is the best thing to do?
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