I married my first boyfriend when I was 21 years old. Our marriage turned to worse quickly. We did not handle situation the right way, so instead of working on our problems, we argued, called each other names, and played a blame game. I feel like I lost emotional connection to him somewhere in a process.
Then, a little over a month ago, I met a guy online. I told him I am married and he said he does not want to cause problems. I know this was wrong, but I told him we can talk. I did not mean to talk to him more than a friend plus he lives too far to ever meet which I did not want to anyway ,even though I was attracted to him and liked his personality.
After this day, he wrote me every single day. If I did not respond to his FB message in an hour or two, he texted and asked where I am, why I am not responding, etc. We usually chatted from morning til night about everything and nothing. Then, about a week later, he started to stir our conversation to physical stuff. He told me when he was hard, when he was playing with himself which I found very weird and I told him about that. He did not take it well and I started to believe that I am the one weird for not taking it as a normal thing. He was nice though and did not talk vulgar, but just knowing that he was touching himself while talking to me was very weird to me at first.
However, one day he started to tell me what he would do with me and I played along. I know it was wrong but at the same time exciting until the moment when he sent me a picture of his ejaculate all over his pants. This freaked me out. He could not understand why. I was not mean about that, I just told him it was something I did not need to see. He told me I made him feel stupid.
Later on, I found out that he was drinking that day and I assume that's why he reacted that way. After this, he did not talk to me this way much because he knew how I felt about it. We also had friendly conversation on a phone several times. I learned a lot about him. He told me that he had hard life and still is going through a hard time these days. He was about to lose his job, he did not have any friends due to his moving to another state, and had no family around. He was lonely through all the holidays and I felt very bad for him. I felt like I wanted to help him and be there for him. I talked to him as much as I could.
One day, after talking on a phone for about 40 minutes and texting each other as always, he sent me a message saying he thinks we should not talk anymore.
When I asked if it's something I said or did, he promised me I did not do anything that changed his mind, he said he likes to talk to me but needs to focus on certain things for now. He said he feels guilty for talking to me inappropriately and he knows he started it.
He said he wants to talk to me, but he needs to focus on stuff and figure them out. After this conversation, I felt terribly. I could not stop crying. I was questioning myself and what I did that made him feel this way. I felt like this was only my fault. I also felt bad for him, I wanted to help him and be there for him. I know we both liked to talk to each other and when I said I will miss him, he said he will miss me too.
I know I should not start to talk to him while being married. I know I should let it go, but I am finding it very hard. I still think of him. I just don't know what to do at this point.
I worry about him, but I don't want to bother him with texts when he does not want to.
While I feel bad for doing a wrong thing by talking to someone out of my marriage, I miss him and our talks. I feel like I failed in helping him through his hard times and now I can do nothing about that. Were any of you in this situation? What should I do? I just feel hopeless and very sad.
Then, a little over a month ago, I met a guy online. I told him I am married and he said he does not want to cause problems. I know this was wrong, but I told him we can talk. I did not mean to talk to him more than a friend plus he lives too far to ever meet which I did not want to anyway ,even though I was attracted to him and liked his personality.
After this day, he wrote me every single day. If I did not respond to his FB message in an hour or two, he texted and asked where I am, why I am not responding, etc. We usually chatted from morning til night about everything and nothing. Then, about a week later, he started to stir our conversation to physical stuff. He told me when he was hard, when he was playing with himself which I found very weird and I told him about that. He did not take it well and I started to believe that I am the one weird for not taking it as a normal thing. He was nice though and did not talk vulgar, but just knowing that he was touching himself while talking to me was very weird to me at first.
However, one day he started to tell me what he would do with me and I played along. I know it was wrong but at the same time exciting until the moment when he sent me a picture of his ejaculate all over his pants. This freaked me out. He could not understand why. I was not mean about that, I just told him it was something I did not need to see. He told me I made him feel stupid.
Later on, I found out that he was drinking that day and I assume that's why he reacted that way. After this, he did not talk to me this way much because he knew how I felt about it. We also had friendly conversation on a phone several times. I learned a lot about him. He told me that he had hard life and still is going through a hard time these days. He was about to lose his job, he did not have any friends due to his moving to another state, and had no family around. He was lonely through all the holidays and I felt very bad for him. I felt like I wanted to help him and be there for him. I talked to him as much as I could.
One day, after talking on a phone for about 40 minutes and texting each other as always, he sent me a message saying he thinks we should not talk anymore.
When I asked if it's something I said or did, he promised me I did not do anything that changed his mind, he said he likes to talk to me but needs to focus on certain things for now. He said he feels guilty for talking to me inappropriately and he knows he started it.
He said he wants to talk to me, but he needs to focus on stuff and figure them out. After this conversation, I felt terribly. I could not stop crying. I was questioning myself and what I did that made him feel this way. I felt like this was only my fault. I also felt bad for him, I wanted to help him and be there for him. I know we both liked to talk to each other and when I said I will miss him, he said he will miss me too.
I know I should not start to talk to him while being married. I know I should let it go, but I am finding it very hard. I still think of him. I just don't know what to do at this point.
I worry about him, but I don't want to bother him with texts when he does not want to.
While I feel bad for doing a wrong thing by talking to someone out of my marriage, I miss him and our talks. I feel like I failed in helping him through his hard times and now I can do nothing about that. Were any of you in this situation? What should I do? I just feel hopeless and very sad.
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