Well once upon a time nearly two years ago I maintained my sanity by coming onto TAM especially CWI to commiserate, find solutions, to understand what was happening.
The folks here have probably changed but maybe someone remembers my story. I was 100% in love with my husband of 3 years (now nearing 5 years) and I had zero interest in other men. I found out suddenly that my kind and loving husband was compulsively seeking outside of marriage - phone calls to prostitutes, endlessly searching craigslist and back pages, inviting random chicks out for hookah dates. Never found proof that it went physical and he maintained that he never actually ****ed another woman. But he continued to lie gaslight make me seem crazy paranoid only to accidentally leave trails behind confirming my suspicions that he was still looking beyond our marriage sexually.
After months and months of promising to stop and then me finding him still doing that stuff I finally lost the will in our relationship and wanted a divorce. I had lost all my attraction to my husband and I just wanted freedom. Told my parents. Something clicked when I was truly done trying. He changed. But it was too little too late. Suicide attempts on his part plus financial problems prevented me from separating/divorcing.
We continued living like roommates who got along most of the time but who grew apart sexudlly.
At one point I had an affair and be cause of it I learned how much my sexual identity was being ignored. I stopped the affair due to guilt.
I don't know what I want from writing this. I'm sure I'll incur the wrath of others for straying and because I want to stray again. I want to have NSA adult fun while I'm still young. I'm 28. I don't believe I marriage for me anymore but I can't get out of the situation I'm in. I would not have even married do young but it was the only way we could stay together when we were living In a third country abroad .
I want him to be happy and alive and to see me as a friend for life and to not be dependent on me. I think if he could only open his eyes he would see he I'd better off.
I'm crying here can't take this unfulfillment. But can't live with the possibility that he chooses To no longer exist if I end our marriage.
He won't take care of my sexual needs, I'm not even attracted to him anymore because of the repeated trauma of his lying, secret life, and choice to start smoking.
I have needs and want freedom but I love this man and know that my seeking elsewhere will crush him. I'm ranting I'm sorry I just feel alone and confused and don't know how I went from an ethical person doing all the right things to this mess.
The folks here have probably changed but maybe someone remembers my story. I was 100% in love with my husband of 3 years (now nearing 5 years) and I had zero interest in other men. I found out suddenly that my kind and loving husband was compulsively seeking outside of marriage - phone calls to prostitutes, endlessly searching craigslist and back pages, inviting random chicks out for hookah dates. Never found proof that it went physical and he maintained that he never actually ****ed another woman. But he continued to lie gaslight make me seem crazy paranoid only to accidentally leave trails behind confirming my suspicions that he was still looking beyond our marriage sexually.
After months and months of promising to stop and then me finding him still doing that stuff I finally lost the will in our relationship and wanted a divorce. I had lost all my attraction to my husband and I just wanted freedom. Told my parents. Something clicked when I was truly done trying. He changed. But it was too little too late. Suicide attempts on his part plus financial problems prevented me from separating/divorcing.
We continued living like roommates who got along most of the time but who grew apart sexudlly.
At one point I had an affair and be cause of it I learned how much my sexual identity was being ignored. I stopped the affair due to guilt.
I don't know what I want from writing this. I'm sure I'll incur the wrath of others for straying and because I want to stray again. I want to have NSA adult fun while I'm still young. I'm 28. I don't believe I marriage for me anymore but I can't get out of the situation I'm in. I would not have even married do young but it was the only way we could stay together when we were living In a third country abroad .
I want him to be happy and alive and to see me as a friend for life and to not be dependent on me. I think if he could only open his eyes he would see he I'd better off.
I'm crying here can't take this unfulfillment. But can't live with the possibility that he chooses To no longer exist if I end our marriage.
He won't take care of my sexual needs, I'm not even attracted to him anymore because of the repeated trauma of his lying, secret life, and choice to start smoking.
I have needs and want freedom but I love this man and know that my seeking elsewhere will crush him. I'm ranting I'm sorry I just feel alone and confused and don't know how I went from an ethical person doing all the right things to this mess.
Put the internet to work for you.
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