Hi all. I'm new to this site but have read numerous articles here. A lot has been helpful before so let me just say thank you all for everything.
My wife and I have been married for 2 years but have been together for almost 7 years. We got pregnant right out of college and got married, starting our family rather quickly. I am 26 and she is 27. It's hard to even know what to write so you have an understanding of my situation.
I worked 3 high stress jobs back to back to support my family once out of college. My wife had trouble holding onto jobs due to pregnancies and other issues. So it was up to me to make ends meet. I worked in a prison, which was tough, but worth it to take care of my family. Due to the high levels of stress I tried to talk to my wife about it but she didn't want to hear about inmates stabbing each other and killing themselves, alot.
So I turned to drinking. I know it was a terrible idea and I've paid dearly for my actions. I was never abusive, just drunk trying to forget about the stress. Well I left the prison to work in a high stress sales job that I rose through the ranks in because I was determined. But I still drank, alot.
My wife works for a police station as a secretary. She befriended a cop there who is in his mid 40s. One thing led to another and they had an affair. They texted all the time and would hang out when I was working. Well I found out about this affair in April which had started in January. She says that they only kissed a few times and nothing else happened. I don't know what to believe at all, but its besides the point.
I found out and we decided to try and make things work. I found a better, less stressful job and have been sober for 5 months now.
Some rules that I had set down were that she was to find another job, never talk to this cop again, and we would both go to counseling. Well she said she couldn't find another job and does not wish to quit due to the easier work and flexible hours. I let her know I am not okay with this at all. I also told her that at any time she is to give me her phone when I ask. But every time I asked she got angry saying we need to trust each other. Me to trust she won't cheat and her to trust I won't drink.
Well recently I discovered she still is talking to this cop and it isn't about work. They are way to friendly. Nothing was explicitly said, but alot of.joking around. I confronted her about this and she said that she misses her friendship with him. I told her it's unacceptable to talk to him and it turned into a drawn out fight. I let it go but now there is zero trust. I just saw her phone two days ago and he had texted her a G rated picture of himself to her. It seemed like there were ails deleted so it was hard to tell what's going on.
Part of me doesn't want to confront her because I'm tired of fighting. Another wants to end our marriage. I feel so disrespected through all this and yet it doesn't seem to bother her. We have two small children ages 1 and 2. I don't want to break our family up but I have no idea what to do. It seems that my wife feels that my drinking was so much worse than her cheating.
Any and all advice and positive feedback is greatly appreciated. I'm lost and not sure what to do...
My wife and I have been married for 2 years but have been together for almost 7 years. We got pregnant right out of college and got married, starting our family rather quickly. I am 26 and she is 27. It's hard to even know what to write so you have an understanding of my situation.
I worked 3 high stress jobs back to back to support my family once out of college. My wife had trouble holding onto jobs due to pregnancies and other issues. So it was up to me to make ends meet. I worked in a prison, which was tough, but worth it to take care of my family. Due to the high levels of stress I tried to talk to my wife about it but she didn't want to hear about inmates stabbing each other and killing themselves, alot.
So I turned to drinking. I know it was a terrible idea and I've paid dearly for my actions. I was never abusive, just drunk trying to forget about the stress. Well I left the prison to work in a high stress sales job that I rose through the ranks in because I was determined. But I still drank, alot.
My wife works for a police station as a secretary. She befriended a cop there who is in his mid 40s. One thing led to another and they had an affair. They texted all the time and would hang out when I was working. Well I found out about this affair in April which had started in January. She says that they only kissed a few times and nothing else happened. I don't know what to believe at all, but its besides the point.
I found out and we decided to try and make things work. I found a better, less stressful job and have been sober for 5 months now.
Some rules that I had set down were that she was to find another job, never talk to this cop again, and we would both go to counseling. Well she said she couldn't find another job and does not wish to quit due to the easier work and flexible hours. I let her know I am not okay with this at all. I also told her that at any time she is to give me her phone when I ask. But every time I asked she got angry saying we need to trust each other. Me to trust she won't cheat and her to trust I won't drink.
Well recently I discovered she still is talking to this cop and it isn't about work. They are way to friendly. Nothing was explicitly said, but alot of.joking around. I confronted her about this and she said that she misses her friendship with him. I told her it's unacceptable to talk to him and it turned into a drawn out fight. I let it go but now there is zero trust. I just saw her phone two days ago and he had texted her a G rated picture of himself to her. It seemed like there were ails deleted so it was hard to tell what's going on.
Part of me doesn't want to confront her because I'm tired of fighting. Another wants to end our marriage. I feel so disrespected through all this and yet it doesn't seem to bother her. We have two small children ages 1 and 2. I don't want to break our family up but I have no idea what to do. It seems that my wife feels that my drinking was so much worse than her cheating.
Any and all advice and positive feedback is greatly appreciated. I'm lost and not sure what to do...
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