My husband and I have been together for 7 years altogether. Tomorrow we will celebrate our 6 year wedding anniversary and while I should be celebrating another year with him, I just feel indifferent and somewhat confused.
My husband has had issues with anger that have only seemed to be slowly getting worse. I recall the first incident being back in our first year of marriage, we were expecting our first daughter and in the last months of my pregnancy he would start to become easily agitated. It started off that he would throw things. I recall one of his episodes, we were going through baby shower gifts and he became stressed out going through them. He said something pretty hurtful towards me, I got upset and had to leave the house.
Over the course of 5 years he has resorted to throwing things (not at me), calling me names, threatening to hurt me, threatening divorce, threatening to take our children away from me and saying things he knows will hurt me. This past year has been the worst for us. I've left him a handful of times, claiming each time that I was done.. but I would come back hoping for a better outcome.
Most of his bursts of rage come out of the blue. Something that wouldn't bother him one day could completely set him off the next. It drives me nuts!
This last incident was just a few weeks ago. I was joking with him, he took it the wrong way and blew up. It ended up with me packing up some of my things, him cursing at me and making me feel guilty for leaving.. saying, "You're a** is leaving over the fact that you can't shut your f**king mouth". He told me to get all of my things out by the next day or my sh*t is going to be out in the front yard and that he hoped I didn't come back. Calling me a "crazy b*tch" among mumbling other things under his breath.
I thought I finally had the strength to leave him. He even called me later that same day to tell me my puppy had an accident in our girls play room, wanting to know if I put her in there. Then he proceeded to get upset with me for walking out over something I did. He wouldn't even let me finish what I had to say before mumbling something else and hanging up on me. A few hours later, he called again.. still being defensive. I basically talked some sense into him and suggested marriage counseling, to which he reluctantly agreed to do.
At this point, he has admitted that all of his outbursts have nothing to do with me, that I have done nothing wrong. He said he's just an angry and bitter person. He's trying to find acceptance in all of the wrong people. Work is stressing him out. He said he wants to get personal counseling, that we don't need marriage counseling. However, we can't afford counseling at this point in time. So, who knows when he will seek out the help he obviously needs.
Not to mention, he's spending money on things that aren't a necessity. He knows that he needs professional help but isn't making it a priority to get things set up.
I will admit, I've been unhappy in my marriage for a while now. Forcing a smile on my face when deep inside my heart is crying. I can't even look at him the same way anymore. My heart literally hurts.
Even though he's claiming he will work on things, I feel like I have given up. I don't know if this is fair to him or not. I am at a loss as far as what to do. I have two beautiful little girls to think about.
I often think about the consequences that would come with a divorce. I think about how he would handle it, my two beautiful girls and our families who would probably disapprove. That and I worry how I would be able to stand on my own two feet.
There are so many questions running through my head. What should I do? How do I change the way that I am feeling? What's my best option?
My husband has had issues with anger that have only seemed to be slowly getting worse. I recall the first incident being back in our first year of marriage, we were expecting our first daughter and in the last months of my pregnancy he would start to become easily agitated. It started off that he would throw things. I recall one of his episodes, we were going through baby shower gifts and he became stressed out going through them. He said something pretty hurtful towards me, I got upset and had to leave the house.
Over the course of 5 years he has resorted to throwing things (not at me), calling me names, threatening to hurt me, threatening divorce, threatening to take our children away from me and saying things he knows will hurt me. This past year has been the worst for us. I've left him a handful of times, claiming each time that I was done.. but I would come back hoping for a better outcome.
Most of his bursts of rage come out of the blue. Something that wouldn't bother him one day could completely set him off the next. It drives me nuts!
This last incident was just a few weeks ago. I was joking with him, he took it the wrong way and blew up. It ended up with me packing up some of my things, him cursing at me and making me feel guilty for leaving.. saying, "You're a** is leaving over the fact that you can't shut your f**king mouth". He told me to get all of my things out by the next day or my sh*t is going to be out in the front yard and that he hoped I didn't come back. Calling me a "crazy b*tch" among mumbling other things under his breath.
I thought I finally had the strength to leave him. He even called me later that same day to tell me my puppy had an accident in our girls play room, wanting to know if I put her in there. Then he proceeded to get upset with me for walking out over something I did. He wouldn't even let me finish what I had to say before mumbling something else and hanging up on me. A few hours later, he called again.. still being defensive. I basically talked some sense into him and suggested marriage counseling, to which he reluctantly agreed to do.
At this point, he has admitted that all of his outbursts have nothing to do with me, that I have done nothing wrong. He said he's just an angry and bitter person. He's trying to find acceptance in all of the wrong people. Work is stressing him out. He said he wants to get personal counseling, that we don't need marriage counseling. However, we can't afford counseling at this point in time. So, who knows when he will seek out the help he obviously needs.
Not to mention, he's spending money on things that aren't a necessity. He knows that he needs professional help but isn't making it a priority to get things set up.
I will admit, I've been unhappy in my marriage for a while now. Forcing a smile on my face when deep inside my heart is crying. I can't even look at him the same way anymore. My heart literally hurts.
Even though he's claiming he will work on things, I feel like I have given up. I don't know if this is fair to him or not. I am at a loss as far as what to do. I have two beautiful little girls to think about.
I often think about the consequences that would come with a divorce. I think about how he would handle it, my two beautiful girls and our families who would probably disapprove. That and I worry how I would be able to stand on my own two feet.
There are so many questions running through my head. What should I do? How do I change the way that I am feeling? What's my best option?
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