My husband is LD and I am HD. We've been experiencing the sexual desire gap since before we even married. It happened so drastically shortly after I moved in with him. He convinced me it was normal for the sex frequency of couples to decrease after a while. Relationships go through cycles, but what was happening didn't seem like it at all. But I swallowed by nagging fear and let it go. It got worse and he suggested it wasn't him but me...that I was possibly a nymphomaniac. I considered what he said and started asking for sex less. Then things continued to get worse. Since I wasn't there anymore to pressure or remind him to show me love and affection he drifted further away from me. I confronted him about stress at work affecting his sexual desire. He agreed but also told me to just hang in there because he was almost done with his shore duty and that it gets better afterwards. I reluctantly agreed and things got bad. He would come home after work and zone out to the TV. We would sit on opposite sides of the couch and have minimal conversation. He wouldn't open up to me and talk. He never wanted sex because he was either too tired or not in the mood...even during the weekends! I went from asking for sex to begging for sex and still getting rejected. He stopped showing me affections completely. I felt so rejected, ugly and a failure as a wife and best friend because I couldn't help him.
Fast forward 4 years, husband is in another stressful job (things didn't get better) and marriage is just hanging by the thread. My self esteem is at an all time low. I don't go a week without crying. What's different now is husband has finally come around to admitting there is problem and finally decided to work on it because he sees how unhappy I am and doesn't want to lose me. We have been trying for the past year. However there's been many times where he didn't put as much effort and went back to his old ways. I finally got into his head by comparing the efforts he puts into his marriage and his job. He really is proud of his work. Since then he's been doing real well. He's showing me more affections such as holding my hand, asking to cuddle on the couch. He's still not initiating sex but at least no more rejection when I initiate. I love every bit of it and look forward to more improvements.
But there's a catch. After years of being hurt, the wounds are deep. I have an intense fear that he's going to revert back to his bad habits since he's done it so many times. I don't think I can deal with the heart break again. Every time something stressful happens at his work, the fear and sadness creep in. When he's showing me love and affections, I get sad as well because of the fear it will get taken away. I feel too vulnerable and powerless to enjoy any of it. I end up putting too much pressure on him and pushing him away. He feels he's not doing anything right but he is. This is all my problem. I am ruining my marriage.
How do other HD wives cope with the pain and the fear? How do they get out of that overwhelming fear and sadness? How do they move forward from the past? Help, I need some words of encouragement!
Fast forward 4 years, husband is in another stressful job (things didn't get better) and marriage is just hanging by the thread. My self esteem is at an all time low. I don't go a week without crying. What's different now is husband has finally come around to admitting there is problem and finally decided to work on it because he sees how unhappy I am and doesn't want to lose me. We have been trying for the past year. However there's been many times where he didn't put as much effort and went back to his old ways. I finally got into his head by comparing the efforts he puts into his marriage and his job. He really is proud of his work. Since then he's been doing real well. He's showing me more affections such as holding my hand, asking to cuddle on the couch. He's still not initiating sex but at least no more rejection when I initiate. I love every bit of it and look forward to more improvements.
But there's a catch. After years of being hurt, the wounds are deep. I have an intense fear that he's going to revert back to his bad habits since he's done it so many times. I don't think I can deal with the heart break again. Every time something stressful happens at his work, the fear and sadness creep in. When he's showing me love and affections, I get sad as well because of the fear it will get taken away. I feel too vulnerable and powerless to enjoy any of it. I end up putting too much pressure on him and pushing him away. He feels he's not doing anything right but he is. This is all my problem. I am ruining my marriage.
How do other HD wives cope with the pain and the fear? How do they get out of that overwhelming fear and sadness? How do they move forward from the past? Help, I need some words of encouragement!
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