Are we ever really a former betrayed spouse? That's not the question, and yet it sort of is, but it's more complicated.
Something is bothering me and I am asking for some help and opinions.
I was talking with an older gentleman who told me his wife cheated on him about twenty years ago. He ended up divorcing and lost a portion of his retirement. He even retired early, since his wife was seeing someone where he worked. I suppose like others, he was terribly humiliated.
He has since found it within himself to date. He talks about having a girlfriend and her "demands". He says she always wants him with her and he half-heartedly complains about it, then talks about what a nice time he had. He told me she sees other men and then seems to want him to show some jealousy. He also said he dates other women.
He asked why I would not want to do the same.
I told him that when I think about what he has to say, I feel like I would be doing the very same thing my ex-wife was doing, that I loathed.
I know it's not the same as infidelity, since none of them is married. For me, it feels very similar and I told him that I might as well have stayed married to a cheating wife because that's basically what his girlfriend is doing. I also told him it seems he has learned to do the very thing that broke his heart and made him divorce. He could have just stayed married. If he is okay with his girlfriend multi-dating, why not his wife? Do you understand my confusion?
Obviously, like most divorcee's, he held up his part of the marriage. Whatever...that's not the issue.
How do you feel about this, or how did you feel before you started dating? Keep in mind, I have never been a dater, or multi-dater, I suppose is the term. I am more of a one woman man, even in dating. I want to work through one relationship at a time, or one dater. Not that it will happen any time soon for me. I just want to understand a little better, if possible.
Something is bothering me and I am asking for some help and opinions.
I was talking with an older gentleman who told me his wife cheated on him about twenty years ago. He ended up divorcing and lost a portion of his retirement. He even retired early, since his wife was seeing someone where he worked. I suppose like others, he was terribly humiliated.
He has since found it within himself to date. He talks about having a girlfriend and her "demands". He says she always wants him with her and he half-heartedly complains about it, then talks about what a nice time he had. He told me she sees other men and then seems to want him to show some jealousy. He also said he dates other women.
He asked why I would not want to do the same.
I told him that when I think about what he has to say, I feel like I would be doing the very same thing my ex-wife was doing, that I loathed.
I know it's not the same as infidelity, since none of them is married. For me, it feels very similar and I told him that I might as well have stayed married to a cheating wife because that's basically what his girlfriend is doing. I also told him it seems he has learned to do the very thing that broke his heart and made him divorce. He could have just stayed married. If he is okay with his girlfriend multi-dating, why not his wife? Do you understand my confusion?
Obviously, like most divorcee's, he held up his part of the marriage. Whatever...that's not the issue.
How do you feel about this, or how did you feel before you started dating? Keep in mind, I have never been a dater, or multi-dater, I suppose is the term. I am more of a one woman man, even in dating. I want to work through one relationship at a time, or one dater. Not that it will happen any time soon for me. I just want to understand a little better, if possible.
Put the internet to work for you.
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