Hey guys.
Ok, so 1st of all, in April, my bf (Jamal) broke up with me, despite the fact he had naked pictures of girls on his phone, and different flirty conversation with girls. (we are back together now). (We Lived together for 8months). On the same day he broke up with me, I went clubbing and I couldn't keep my eyes of this one guy, who was watching me too, who I was excited about after he called me over towards the ending time of the club and after. I gave him (Reece) my number and he said he would call me in the morning; when I got home, I was constantly thinking about him. He called me during the same morning I got back home, like he said he would. But after telling me he lived far away, over the phone, I knew there wasn't a point with carry on with him, friendship and relationship wise, and by the sound of it, he only wanted to have sex. However, I told my ex bf that 'I met someone way more better than him in a club last night and I ****ed him right before you ****ed me in my ho use' .Then he went into my house and smashed my laptop I recently brought. (What a prick right). Then after I told him I was lying... But it was the actual truth. The only difference is that I met a different guy online (Crave) and actually flicked him around 5 in the morning instead.
Leading from that, on the same night he broke my laptop, as I was feeling lonely and single, I searched on an online website, showing people that's local from my area. I spoke to 2 guys on a website, I messaged both that I wanted to meet them, so I met one of them at my place on the same night of messaging him online. While he was on his way, the other new guy I met online at the same time said he want to take me out for a 'few drinks' tonight, and I said yes to him, and told him I'll meet him in a few hours. The 1st guy (Jerry) I met online finally came, I had sex with him (we did LOADS of things), we recorded it on my laptop then I rushed him out, as I had to meet the other guy in the next hour for a 'few drinks'
So I finally left my house and met the other new guy, Ryan. After meeting this guy in person from online, (who is a teacher, I forgot to mention), it's like we clashed and went well with each other so naturally and quickly. And he looked soo hot, like how Essex guys look, and knowing he was a teacher just made him more and more hot. We had mature, heart to heart and funny conversations. Our sense of humar was similar, taste of food was similar and style. During the first few days I stayed with him, I saw him as a best friend because we are very similar in many different ways. After meeting him straight away from an online website, our feelings for kept on building up, day by day as I spent the whole of the 2 weeks holiday at his, partying, smoking, having sex, receiving oral sex and spending money was such an amazing a generous part of my life to me. No other boy has made me feel like that before, but I do still love my ex. And as we spoke to each other about our feelings ma turely, he told me to look at him in his eyes and tell him I won't go back to my ex, I told him I won't. Despite that this was a chance to tell him I still have feelings for my ex, and I'm contacting him behind his back, but I chose not too. I was too scared to lose someone who has treated me such like a lady, unlike any other man has.
Anyways, during the 2 weeks holiday, my bf kept on inboxing me, emailing me, posting letters In my house and buying things, writing love letters saying he's sorry etc. I told myself not to go back to him, as he's hit me before, broken my things and spoke to me disrespectfully and spoke to girls behind my back. But after the 2 weeks holiday finished, I couldn't stay with Ryan anymore, as he had to teach in a school the next day.
Just before I left Ryan's house, I messaged my ex bf to meet me at mine. When we got there (me and my ex Jamal), we hugged, spoke, kissed, got back together and had sex with each other. We both said to not start of with any lies,find out, no matter how long it takes. Here was my chance, after him asking if I met anybody else, I had the chance to say yes but I said no.
A week back into our relationship, I met up with Ryan again (behind my bf's back) and slept there for 2 nights and went clubbing during the weekend, and I slept there on the weekend after. But as we had and argument after coming back from clubbing, he told me to leave while he was drunk. Later on he said he didn't mean it as he was drunk, and we was just pissed of at eachother. So I used that as an opportunity to leave in the morning in order for him to wake up to no one being next to him, that's what I wanted anyways. So I chose this chance to go and never come back.
Ryan called me in the same morning I left, confused. We spoke and just left it from there. It's been 4 weeks since me and my bf (Jamal) got back together. I feel bad that I didn't tell him about (the 4 guys I had sex with): the guy I slept with before he came over to mine, the other guy I I recorded having sex with after my bf broke up with me, that I was sleeping with a guy for 2 - 4weeks intensively, and that I actually need speak to someone at the club.
I'm hiding it very well but I don't know if I want him to find out about the 4 different guys , but I also don't want him to find out in a different way. I really do love him and I'm very scared to loose him. Help me please? x
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