My sister is quite a lot older than me and isn't particularly academic. My parents really only value those qualities that can be assessed (excellent examination results, winning sports competitions...) and not those which cannot be.
My elder sister is not academic at all. She retook her GCSEs twice and her A Levels twice (Photography and Media, Food Technology and Art) and, after seeing a few tutors a couple of times a week, she achieved CDD which was such a huge achievement for her.
But my parents were not happy, they got her a job working in my dad's dept. at a college working with adults with learning difficulties and I believed this got her onto her teaching degree at an average uni. Again this was HUGE for her and I was so excited for her...my parents were disappointed.
Since then, she has dropped out (she's completed three out of four of the years of her degree) and went back to her old job.
My dad said she can live back at home if she also studies part time and finishes her degree, she agreed, it's been six years and she hasn't finished.
I believe she hasn't completed her degree because she is depressed with her predicament and as a result goes out and takes drugs and goes to all night raves (she did this all the way through school too).
My parents always compare us and I can see it really gets her down/she resents me for it.
I am academic, I have a pretty decent (not spectacular) set of GCSEs results, and five A Levels in three years (A*, A, B, B, B), I also worked in the same department as her because the money was really good and my parents wouldn't let me just work in a minimum wage role even though I expressed concern about stepping on her toes.
Needless to say she HATED it, she was rude to me in front of colleagues and wouldn't let my friend (now probably best mate) from work come over for dinner or to big events at the house "in case he sees my room" as well as other friends.
Six months in I received a promotion (from teaching assistant to teacher-with a teaching assistant in the room) and she went crazy, my parents were constantly asking 'why can't you be more like your sister...' and I could see it was eating her up but I couldn't do anything.
Now I am going into my second year of university (a top 30 non Russell group) and am moving in with my partner in our own flat (my parents bought it for us when my sister split with her boyfriend after three months and moved back home-originally the flat was meant for her).
I am back for the summer and my mum is worse than ever
My sister is losing weight/going on a diet which is going REALLY well like she's dropped about 3 dress sizes and looks amazing and is really sticking to her diet but my mum constantly compares us 'why aren't you more like your sister, she's really athletic, she weighs X, she's really fit because X' and it is really horrible to her.
I'm not going to say my sister is innocent in this, she has made my life hell in the past and still resents my partner staying at the house and hates it in the lead up to him/his dog staying but loves it once the dog is here.
What can I do to show that my mum's views aren't my views too and that I do want a relationship with her, but I also don't want to condone her drug taking/not doing any work....I am planning a life and a family with my partner and want her to be a part of my life.
Please help.
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