Background: together for 9 years, married 6 years, 1 child (8 y/o)
In mid December I found out my Husband was communicating very inappropriately with someone from his work (secret emails, phone calls, video chats saying I love you and I miss you) and I was livid. I confronted him and made him basically feel like a criminal for 2 days straight. He was very remorseful, admitted he was at fault and promised to fix everything. I believed him, but still had a hard time not making him feel bad because I was so hurt and so I continued to bash him. I caught him chatting with this same person a few days later and again went absolutely ballistic on him. He was infuriated at the way I approached him with everything and how I made him feel like a "piece of sh*t person" because aside from this incident he has never done me wrong. I was still so hurt that I could not help but yell and attack him with anger. I pushed him "over the edge" and he started wanting a separation. He started going into how bad I have been to him all these years --
I will honestly admit that I have not been the best wife and supporter. I come from a household where my mother and father were married but slept in seperate rooms and never showed affection so I loved my husband the best way I knew how...(no excuse) he complained of the lack of intimacy, lack of interest in his hobbies, lack of support for his jobs, lack of public affection and a lot of other things I take blame for. I have treated my Husband more like a friend than a lover and have not given him much to be happy about. I did not make him feel wanted or special and although he had complained and asked me to change in the past, I had stayed the same. So as the focus slowly shifted back on to me, I now was the one feeling like a "piece of sh*t".
His request was to be separated until February 1st. So starting 1/1/15 - we were officially separated. He did not move out of our house, but instead moved into a room downstairs. My husband continued to unleash all his anger and resentment towards me for the past 8 years while I had to deal with the pain/insecurity of the incident with this other person that just took place. It was the hardest month of my life. We argued almost every day and although it hurt me so bad, it helped me realize how bad of a wife I had truly been and made me want to change 10000% and I do still want to be better.
February 1st passed and he was still not ready to get back with me because of all the resentment he had towards me.
Although we were separated he continued to wear his ring, call me by my "pet name" and be intimate with me which was very confusing. This all stopped when I got caught snooping through his stuff in early February. (my reason behind snooping - I was not given any type of reassurance regarding the recent event and it drove me crazy, so I looked to try to find something) My snooping made him furious because it proved I didn't trust him and from that day on he has been the coldest he's ever been to me. He stopped wearing his ring since then, stopped showing me any type of affection and continues to release all his resentment towards me.
I have tried everything - begged, pleaded, cried...I've wrote him letters, left him love notes, drew him pictures and professed my love to him to his face more times than I can count. I've promised him everyday that I want to change and be a better wife to him, but he still does not know if he wants to be with me. He says he does not believe I can change and just cannot get over all his resentment towards me.
Two weeks ago I found out that he never stopped communicating with this girl from his work and he had been lying to me since December. The communication has been inappropriate, but he continues to say it is nothing more than a brother-sister/best friend type of relationship. He did, appologize and again admit he was totally wrong. He promised me that moving forward the communication and any type of inappropriateness would stop and I ever spoke with this girl who also appologized to me. It brought me some type of peace...
But again, I made him feel like a criminal with the way I approached him about finding out and now he is angry at me for making him feel like such a horrible person. I am torn because he has hurt me again, so deeply, but he is mad at me because I made him feel so bad about it??
This and a series of bad incidents outside of our marriage has caused him to go into depression. He REFUSES to get help from anyone (counselor, friends) and has been so hard to deal with. He constantly says "I don't believe in divorce" but still does not believe I can change.
To top everything off - I am 10 weeks pregnant with our 2nd child.
Even though our situation is so severe, he has chosen not to tell anyone about our separation (except his 2 best friends) which also seems weird to me? I have also kept this from my family and others.
My son seems to be doing OK. I know how unhealthy it is for him to see how his parents are right now, but he does maintain his happy/upbeat attitude all the time...I just feel so horrible for that as well...
I just don't know what to do and don't know how much more I can take. Living with someone who has so much resentment towards you really eats away at you slowly. I love him and want to make this work and whole heartedly want to be a better wife. I am trying my best to hang on, but I don't know how much more I can take. If he thinks so badly of me and has no faith in our future, why doesn't he just go and divorce me?
Please anyone...help...
In mid December I found out my Husband was communicating very inappropriately with someone from his work (secret emails, phone calls, video chats saying I love you and I miss you) and I was livid. I confronted him and made him basically feel like a criminal for 2 days straight. He was very remorseful, admitted he was at fault and promised to fix everything. I believed him, but still had a hard time not making him feel bad because I was so hurt and so I continued to bash him. I caught him chatting with this same person a few days later and again went absolutely ballistic on him. He was infuriated at the way I approached him with everything and how I made him feel like a "piece of sh*t person" because aside from this incident he has never done me wrong. I was still so hurt that I could not help but yell and attack him with anger. I pushed him "over the edge" and he started wanting a separation. He started going into how bad I have been to him all these years --
I will honestly admit that I have not been the best wife and supporter. I come from a household where my mother and father were married but slept in seperate rooms and never showed affection so I loved my husband the best way I knew how...(no excuse) he complained of the lack of intimacy, lack of interest in his hobbies, lack of support for his jobs, lack of public affection and a lot of other things I take blame for. I have treated my Husband more like a friend than a lover and have not given him much to be happy about. I did not make him feel wanted or special and although he had complained and asked me to change in the past, I had stayed the same. So as the focus slowly shifted back on to me, I now was the one feeling like a "piece of sh*t".
His request was to be separated until February 1st. So starting 1/1/15 - we were officially separated. He did not move out of our house, but instead moved into a room downstairs. My husband continued to unleash all his anger and resentment towards me for the past 8 years while I had to deal with the pain/insecurity of the incident with this other person that just took place. It was the hardest month of my life. We argued almost every day and although it hurt me so bad, it helped me realize how bad of a wife I had truly been and made me want to change 10000% and I do still want to be better.
February 1st passed and he was still not ready to get back with me because of all the resentment he had towards me.
Although we were separated he continued to wear his ring, call me by my "pet name" and be intimate with me which was very confusing. This all stopped when I got caught snooping through his stuff in early February. (my reason behind snooping - I was not given any type of reassurance regarding the recent event and it drove me crazy, so I looked to try to find something) My snooping made him furious because it proved I didn't trust him and from that day on he has been the coldest he's ever been to me. He stopped wearing his ring since then, stopped showing me any type of affection and continues to release all his resentment towards me.
I have tried everything - begged, pleaded, cried...I've wrote him letters, left him love notes, drew him pictures and professed my love to him to his face more times than I can count. I've promised him everyday that I want to change and be a better wife to him, but he still does not know if he wants to be with me. He says he does not believe I can change and just cannot get over all his resentment towards me.
Two weeks ago I found out that he never stopped communicating with this girl from his work and he had been lying to me since December. The communication has been inappropriate, but he continues to say it is nothing more than a brother-sister/best friend type of relationship. He did, appologize and again admit he was totally wrong. He promised me that moving forward the communication and any type of inappropriateness would stop and I ever spoke with this girl who also appologized to me. It brought me some type of peace...
But again, I made him feel like a criminal with the way I approached him about finding out and now he is angry at me for making him feel like such a horrible person. I am torn because he has hurt me again, so deeply, but he is mad at me because I made him feel so bad about it??
This and a series of bad incidents outside of our marriage has caused him to go into depression. He REFUSES to get help from anyone (counselor, friends) and has been so hard to deal with. He constantly says "I don't believe in divorce" but still does not believe I can change.
To top everything off - I am 10 weeks pregnant with our 2nd child.
Even though our situation is so severe, he has chosen not to tell anyone about our separation (except his 2 best friends) which also seems weird to me? I have also kept this from my family and others.
My son seems to be doing OK. I know how unhealthy it is for him to see how his parents are right now, but he does maintain his happy/upbeat attitude all the time...I just feel so horrible for that as well...
I just don't know what to do and don't know how much more I can take. Living with someone who has so much resentment towards you really eats away at you slowly. I love him and want to make this work and whole heartedly want to be a better wife. I am trying my best to hang on, but I don't know how much more I can take. If he thinks so badly of me and has no faith in our future, why doesn't he just go and divorce me?
Please anyone...help...
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