Here's a little background info: I'm 18, male and have applied to medical school. Looks like i'll be taking a gap year though :/ I'm also gay. I've known about it for years now, and having desperately tried to deny, I've now started to come to terms with my sexuality.There are three problems however:
1) Society: - I'm not popular enough to be gay. Sounds stupid right? I find it hard to make meaningful friendships with people. I'm not an introvert or anything and love socialising but I guess people just don't like my personality. I don't want to be stigmatised by people before they even get to know me.
2) Gay culture: - I'm not good looking. I'm confident that if I put the work in at the gym I can get a decent body, but at the end of the day my face ruins all that hard work. Gay society is notoriously shallow and I would be relegated to the lowest rung of the gay societal ladder.
3) Family: - They are incredibly homophobic. They would disown me in a heartbeat if they knew. I'm only 18 and can't support myself financially. University isn't cheap either and med school is 5-6 years long. Student loans/part time job would keep me ticking over but I wouldn't get a proper wage until i'm 24/25. I'm also muslim and needless to say homosexuality and Islam don't mix well.
I was born in the UK and my parents have lived in London ever since they were kids. I have my roots in the middle east and look distinctively middle eastern i.e. brown skin, dark hair, dark eyes etc. Most gay guys it would seem have a preference against this colour combination. I'm not saying they are racist! but most guys seem to prefer white guys only.
I'm really worried about my future. I have to make a decision between my family and my own happiness. Of course one day I'd love to settle down and have a family, but given my apparent weaknesses a male specimen (i'm short 5ft 9, ugly face, skin colour?) this seems unlikely. It's a catch-22 situation I'm in: no matter which option I take, I end up a loser.
Advice?
which option would you choose?
Put the internet to work for you.
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