I have posted this on another website, but I assure you that even though it's copied and pasted the events actually happened. I wish to God that they didn't. I'd give anything to have the woman I love back. But this is my story and some of my feelings at the moment. It's split into two posts I had made, I'll separate them so it doesn't get confusing, and I'll edit the curse words. I don't know what I'm looking for here. An outlet maybe? I don't know. But here it is.
Almost a year ago my wife traveled 4000 miles away to Washington for a summer internship. We had gotten married a month and a half before she left. We had some difficulties because we had never lived together before getting married and I don't do well with talking on the phone, and I was even more stressed and frustrated and constantly angry because my job was talking on phones all day to the [worst kind of] people in the country. She cheated on me multiple times with a man she met there in Washington. When she came back she was different. Not nearly as affectionate... she would often break down emotionally over pretty small stuff, as if she was guilty about something. She would try to do a lot of things for me, like laundry and such, and if we did have an argument about something she would talk about how she feels guilty, how she feels like she's dragged me away from my family and friends (which she did, I moved 300 miles to be with her) and how she has made me unhappy and h ow she's a terrible wife. I felt awful about it. The more I tried to be affectionate and show her that I cared the more she pulled away. She said I didn't seem sincere. She said that sex with me reminded her of her rape, that she had flashbacks to the event whenever I tried to initiate.
I noticed that she was texting and snapchatting a lot with one particular man she met in Washington. I discovered her Facebook account logged in and I read some conversations between them. There were naked pictures of him that he sent to her. Conversations about them having sex with only each other so they "know whose children [my wife's] are". I recall when my wife was in Washington she asked if I would be okay with her traveling to Portland with a guy friend she met up there, because she felt safer. I told her I was okay with it, but that I'm worried he would rape her. I found a conversation between them where they joked about asking if I would feel better if I knew that the "rape" was consensual. I confronted my wife about these things I found. I asked her if she cheated on me and she lied, saying that he was only a friend that she developed an emotional relationship with. I told her that I'm not stupid and that I know she cheated on me, but that I can move past it if she removes him from our lives and stops talking to him. She agreed.
Over the next eight months I continued to find new conversations between them. When I would confront her about talking to him on one messaging service, she'd stop talking to him on there and move their conversations to another messaging service. It would be things that you didn't think would have a messaging service, like Pinterest. Each time she kept saying it wasn't sexual, that he was just a friend, that it's only an emotional relationship, that her therapist advised her to talk to him, etc.
Eventually I got tired of it and acquired photographic and video proof of her adultery. By this point I had thought I was being paranoid, that I was being an accusatory ***hole. I felt guilty that I had accused her. Getting that definitive proof was a switch that flipped and made me realize that the woman I fell in love with had cheated on me, lied to me about it, and manipulated me into feeling guilty about her affair. I found the evidence on the 4 year anniversary of when we began dating, which was [two weeks ago]. Our wedding anniversary was two weeks before that. We made it to a year.
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I really don't know how much longer I can go on. I just want to die. When my wife came back from her internship last summer I knew something was different about her. The way she acted, the way she talked to me, how she would break down crying over small things and say she feels guilty about things that aren't her fault, how nearly all affection was gone and she wasn't as enthusiastic about sex as she used to be. I started snooping and found conversations with a man I knew she befriended while she was away. The conversations were about them two having kids together, and hula hooping naked, and there were naked pictures of him. I confronted her about them and she denied a sexual relationship with him. She said he was just a friend. I told her that I believe she did cheat on me but that I would forgive it and move on if she will tell me the truth, remove him from her life, and stop talking to him. Over the next 8 or so months we kept repeating this event where I would find where she has been talking to him on various chat apps and I would ask her the same thing, to please stop talking to him and I would forgive and move on. Each and every time, about 6 or 7 times, she denied anything sexual and said she wanted to be with me and make our marriage work and agreed to stop talking to him.
Two weeks ago I finally discovered pictures of them having sex together. My heart sank. I can't describe the pain I am in. My wife threw away our entire life together less than 3 months into our marriage. Over the last 8 months since her affair started I have lost all confidence in myself. I don't enjoy anything anymore. I can't go a day without breaking down in tears at least once. Every few days I have dreams where we are still together and we're still happy like we were when we dated, and I wake up thinking that none of the affair has happened, and I have to read the conversations and look at the pictures and watch the video to remind myself of what she did to me.
I would give anything to have had her tell me the truth the very first time I confronted her about it. Or any of the times I asked her for the truth. I wish that she had told me the truth and really stopped talking to the guy. I miss my wife. And I'm so distraught over the fact that I can never trust her again. I just want to hold her. I want her to hold me. I want to lay tangled up in each other like we used to. I want to matter to the person who matters most to me. I know none of this can happen because I will never know if she's being genuine or not.
I'm ****ing worthless. I have no job now. No career prospects. No skills. I have a worthless bachelor's degree. She was my life. Our life together was my life. I've moved back in with my parents. I'm an emotional wreck. I can't do anything because any little thing can remind me of her and I will be useless for at least half an hour. I still grab two Q-Tips, one for me and one for her, when I get out of the shower and that stupid little thing causes me to break down crying. I keep thinking, "Will anyone find worth in me again? Did I just trick her into thinking I was worth loving? Did she ever love me at all?"
I don't know what to do. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this. What can be done? Those of you who have had a similar situation, what have you done about it?
-----
What was her end game? Where did she think this road was going to lead? We had been going to couples' therapy together up until I discovered the pictures and video of them having sex, so does this mean she wanted things to work out in our marriage? But she still called the guy who is 4,000 miles away. She still talked to him. She made plans to see him when he traveled to Texas and disguise her absence to me as a beach trip with her friends that I couldn't go on because of work. She planned to go to his graduation in Washington, somehow. Was she trying to have us both, knowing that I would not stay with her if she kept talking to him and knowing that I would eventually find out?
Almost a year ago my wife traveled 4000 miles away to Washington for a summer internship. We had gotten married a month and a half before she left. We had some difficulties because we had never lived together before getting married and I don't do well with talking on the phone, and I was even more stressed and frustrated and constantly angry because my job was talking on phones all day to the [worst kind of] people in the country. She cheated on me multiple times with a man she met there in Washington. When she came back she was different. Not nearly as affectionate... she would often break down emotionally over pretty small stuff, as if she was guilty about something. She would try to do a lot of things for me, like laundry and such, and if we did have an argument about something she would talk about how she feels guilty, how she feels like she's dragged me away from my family and friends (which she did, I moved 300 miles to be with her) and how she has made me unhappy and h ow she's a terrible wife. I felt awful about it. The more I tried to be affectionate and show her that I cared the more she pulled away. She said I didn't seem sincere. She said that sex with me reminded her of her rape, that she had flashbacks to the event whenever I tried to initiate.
I noticed that she was texting and snapchatting a lot with one particular man she met in Washington. I discovered her Facebook account logged in and I read some conversations between them. There were naked pictures of him that he sent to her. Conversations about them having sex with only each other so they "know whose children [my wife's] are". I recall when my wife was in Washington she asked if I would be okay with her traveling to Portland with a guy friend she met up there, because she felt safer. I told her I was okay with it, but that I'm worried he would rape her. I found a conversation between them where they joked about asking if I would feel better if I knew that the "rape" was consensual. I confronted my wife about these things I found. I asked her if she cheated on me and she lied, saying that he was only a friend that she developed an emotional relationship with. I told her that I'm not stupid and that I know she cheated on me, but that I can move past it if she removes him from our lives and stops talking to him. She agreed.
Over the next eight months I continued to find new conversations between them. When I would confront her about talking to him on one messaging service, she'd stop talking to him on there and move their conversations to another messaging service. It would be things that you didn't think would have a messaging service, like Pinterest. Each time she kept saying it wasn't sexual, that he was just a friend, that it's only an emotional relationship, that her therapist advised her to talk to him, etc.
Eventually I got tired of it and acquired photographic and video proof of her adultery. By this point I had thought I was being paranoid, that I was being an accusatory ***hole. I felt guilty that I had accused her. Getting that definitive proof was a switch that flipped and made me realize that the woman I fell in love with had cheated on me, lied to me about it, and manipulated me into feeling guilty about her affair. I found the evidence on the 4 year anniversary of when we began dating, which was [two weeks ago]. Our wedding anniversary was two weeks before that. We made it to a year.
-----
I really don't know how much longer I can go on. I just want to die. When my wife came back from her internship last summer I knew something was different about her. The way she acted, the way she talked to me, how she would break down crying over small things and say she feels guilty about things that aren't her fault, how nearly all affection was gone and she wasn't as enthusiastic about sex as she used to be. I started snooping and found conversations with a man I knew she befriended while she was away. The conversations were about them two having kids together, and hula hooping naked, and there were naked pictures of him. I confronted her about them and she denied a sexual relationship with him. She said he was just a friend. I told her that I believe she did cheat on me but that I would forgive it and move on if she will tell me the truth, remove him from her life, and stop talking to him. Over the next 8 or so months we kept repeating this event where I would find where she has been talking to him on various chat apps and I would ask her the same thing, to please stop talking to him and I would forgive and move on. Each and every time, about 6 or 7 times, she denied anything sexual and said she wanted to be with me and make our marriage work and agreed to stop talking to him.
Two weeks ago I finally discovered pictures of them having sex together. My heart sank. I can't describe the pain I am in. My wife threw away our entire life together less than 3 months into our marriage. Over the last 8 months since her affair started I have lost all confidence in myself. I don't enjoy anything anymore. I can't go a day without breaking down in tears at least once. Every few days I have dreams where we are still together and we're still happy like we were when we dated, and I wake up thinking that none of the affair has happened, and I have to read the conversations and look at the pictures and watch the video to remind myself of what she did to me.
I would give anything to have had her tell me the truth the very first time I confronted her about it. Or any of the times I asked her for the truth. I wish that she had told me the truth and really stopped talking to the guy. I miss my wife. And I'm so distraught over the fact that I can never trust her again. I just want to hold her. I want her to hold me. I want to lay tangled up in each other like we used to. I want to matter to the person who matters most to me. I know none of this can happen because I will never know if she's being genuine or not.
I'm ****ing worthless. I have no job now. No career prospects. No skills. I have a worthless bachelor's degree. She was my life. Our life together was my life. I've moved back in with my parents. I'm an emotional wreck. I can't do anything because any little thing can remind me of her and I will be useless for at least half an hour. I still grab two Q-Tips, one for me and one for her, when I get out of the shower and that stupid little thing causes me to break down crying. I keep thinking, "Will anyone find worth in me again? Did I just trick her into thinking I was worth loving? Did she ever love me at all?"
I don't know what to do. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this. What can be done? Those of you who have had a similar situation, what have you done about it?
-----
What was her end game? Where did she think this road was going to lead? We had been going to couples' therapy together up until I discovered the pictures and video of them having sex, so does this mean she wanted things to work out in our marriage? But she still called the guy who is 4,000 miles away. She still talked to him. She made plans to see him when he traveled to Texas and disguise her absence to me as a beach trip with her friends that I couldn't go on because of work. She planned to go to his graduation in Washington, somehow. Was she trying to have us both, knowing that I would not stay with her if she kept talking to him and knowing that I would eventually find out?
Put the internet to work for you.
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