I am new to this forum. I could really use others perspectives and advice right now. My husband and I have been married for over 20 years. We have two children together, one adult and one small toddler. I am considering divorce.
For the last several years my husband has been working a job where he travels for an extended period of time and then has a considerable amount of time off. For the last couple of years work has been slow and he has less and less work. He gets laid off for 4 to 6 months at a time. He was laid off again in January.
Every time he gets laid off, we near financial ruin. We were able to get through three almost foreclosures. The last time I was able to modify our loan. This is not going to be an option again.
We live paycheck to paycheck. I work a full-time job. When he is laid off, he watches our daughter to avoid daycare costs. He cleans the house and does laundry so he isn't just sitting on the couch. However, it is not financially possible for either one of us to be a stay at home parent.
The solution is for him to get a full-time local job, which he states he wants. The problem is he has been unable to do so. First, I believe this is the main reason, my husband is unable to pass a drug test. He has smoked pot for the entirety of our relationship quitting at times for only a short period. I don't have a problem with pot in general. I do however have a problem with the ramification of choosing to smoke pot - not being able to find a decent job to support our family.
My husband knew in January that there wasn't going to be work for a long time. We are in the middle of April and it doesn't look like his company will have any work for months from now. I feel like if our family was the most important thing to him and getting a job was a priority, he would have quit smoking back in January.
My husband is suffering from anxiety problems. I believe he has tried to quit smoking in the last couple of weeks and that has exasperated the problem. I encouraged him to see his doctor. His doctor prescribed him something but it made him feel like he was "crawling out of his skin". The doctor prescribed something else and my husband claims that it makes him feel weird. He is still suffering from high anxiety. I too suffer from anxiety but have been taking medication to control it for years. So I do know what he is going through and sympathize with him.
He doesn't make a real effort in looking for a job. He is a skilled tradesman and a hard worker when he is working. If he got a new job, he would work hard. But if he got laid off for any reason, he would wait until we almost lost everything until getting another job. I do not have a car (can't afford one) and get him to take me to work or borrow a family members car. If he was working consistently, we would not always be crawling out of the enormous debt that accumulates.
If I try to talk to him about getting a job, looking for work, or finishing the projects around the house he shuts down or gets angry. I put my head in the sand and pray that it will all work out. He doesn't want to talk about anything that will make him uncomfortable. He is angry often and speaks to me in an inappropriate manner at times. I used to be quick tempered myself, but for the last six months or so I have made a conscious effort to change my behavior. As you see, we are both poor communicators and if this marriage is salvageable we will both have to work harder in this area.
I realize that I chose my husband, pot smoking and all. To be honest, I have raised one child already with him and the spotty work history. I don't think I can do it again.
I love my husband and I believe he loves me. There are other problems in the marriage, which I can discuss. I am not the best wife I can be and he is not the best husband he can be. I just don't want this first post to turn in to a book and nobody want to read it.
I am seriously considering divorce. I don't want to divorce. My husband is a terrific father and our daughter would suffer greatly. I just don't think I can continue to live without any type of financial stability. I would appreciate it if anyone has any advice for me.
For the last several years my husband has been working a job where he travels for an extended period of time and then has a considerable amount of time off. For the last couple of years work has been slow and he has less and less work. He gets laid off for 4 to 6 months at a time. He was laid off again in January.
Every time he gets laid off, we near financial ruin. We were able to get through three almost foreclosures. The last time I was able to modify our loan. This is not going to be an option again.
We live paycheck to paycheck. I work a full-time job. When he is laid off, he watches our daughter to avoid daycare costs. He cleans the house and does laundry so he isn't just sitting on the couch. However, it is not financially possible for either one of us to be a stay at home parent.
The solution is for him to get a full-time local job, which he states he wants. The problem is he has been unable to do so. First, I believe this is the main reason, my husband is unable to pass a drug test. He has smoked pot for the entirety of our relationship quitting at times for only a short period. I don't have a problem with pot in general. I do however have a problem with the ramification of choosing to smoke pot - not being able to find a decent job to support our family.
My husband knew in January that there wasn't going to be work for a long time. We are in the middle of April and it doesn't look like his company will have any work for months from now. I feel like if our family was the most important thing to him and getting a job was a priority, he would have quit smoking back in January.
My husband is suffering from anxiety problems. I believe he has tried to quit smoking in the last couple of weeks and that has exasperated the problem. I encouraged him to see his doctor. His doctor prescribed him something but it made him feel like he was "crawling out of his skin". The doctor prescribed something else and my husband claims that it makes him feel weird. He is still suffering from high anxiety. I too suffer from anxiety but have been taking medication to control it for years. So I do know what he is going through and sympathize with him.
He doesn't make a real effort in looking for a job. He is a skilled tradesman and a hard worker when he is working. If he got a new job, he would work hard. But if he got laid off for any reason, he would wait until we almost lost everything until getting another job. I do not have a car (can't afford one) and get him to take me to work or borrow a family members car. If he was working consistently, we would not always be crawling out of the enormous debt that accumulates.
If I try to talk to him about getting a job, looking for work, or finishing the projects around the house he shuts down or gets angry. I put my head in the sand and pray that it will all work out. He doesn't want to talk about anything that will make him uncomfortable. He is angry often and speaks to me in an inappropriate manner at times. I used to be quick tempered myself, but for the last six months or so I have made a conscious effort to change my behavior. As you see, we are both poor communicators and if this marriage is salvageable we will both have to work harder in this area.
I realize that I chose my husband, pot smoking and all. To be honest, I have raised one child already with him and the spotty work history. I don't think I can do it again.
I love my husband and I believe he loves me. There are other problems in the marriage, which I can discuss. I am not the best wife I can be and he is not the best husband he can be. I just don't want this first post to turn in to a book and nobody want to read it.
I am seriously considering divorce. I don't want to divorce. My husband is a terrific father and our daughter would suffer greatly. I just don't think I can continue to live without any type of financial stability. I would appreciate it if anyone has any advice for me.
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