Hi! I'm not sure what I'm going to do. My husband and I have been married for 10 years and have 2 kids, ages 7 & 3. I love him...like a friend.
We met when I was 28, and at a point in my life when I was beginning to think I may not get married or have kids. He's kind, quiet, responsible, and a great father. The only problem...we never had that "spark"...at least for me. I remember our first kiss (which took forever for him to get up the nerve to do) and thinking..."OH...well that wasn't earth shattering". I've never enjoyed kissing my husband, which is insane because I had always LOVED kissing. I let it go because I knew he was a good man, and he treated me so well. I always believed that marrying your best friend was better than the romance thing.
So, here we are...10 years later. 2 great kids. And I'm not happy. I'm lonely. When I think about my future, I think about it without him. I'm happier going up to bed and reading by myself than sitting with him. When we do get a chance to go out, we have nothing to talk about. We've discussed my feelings and he just tells me its just how it is now with kids and jobs, etc. I just think it's more than that. I think the spark has never been there, and I can't force it. I can't ask him to be someone he isn't, and I can't force those feelings inside me.
I've tried spicing things up in the bedroom. I've talked to him about my desire and how I feel like something is missing. I've talked to my therapist about it. She pointed out that I've been bringing up my lack of attraction to him since at least 2008.
So, here I am...trying to decide what to do. I almost had an affair recently, having met someone online that was in a similar situation as me. We had so much in common and loved talking to each other. We finally ended it completely when we had decided to meet for lunch but chickened out. Realizing it was going to lead to heartache, since we knew we couldn't really be together.
Part of me feels liberated thinking about divorce, but then the rest of me feels sad and guilty about thinking about it. He doesn't deserve it. But at what point do I put my own feelings first? Or am I just being stupid in thinking that a relationship can have both friendship and sexual attraction?
We met when I was 28, and at a point in my life when I was beginning to think I may not get married or have kids. He's kind, quiet, responsible, and a great father. The only problem...we never had that "spark"...at least for me. I remember our first kiss (which took forever for him to get up the nerve to do) and thinking..."OH...well that wasn't earth shattering". I've never enjoyed kissing my husband, which is insane because I had always LOVED kissing. I let it go because I knew he was a good man, and he treated me so well. I always believed that marrying your best friend was better than the romance thing.
So, here we are...10 years later. 2 great kids. And I'm not happy. I'm lonely. When I think about my future, I think about it without him. I'm happier going up to bed and reading by myself than sitting with him. When we do get a chance to go out, we have nothing to talk about. We've discussed my feelings and he just tells me its just how it is now with kids and jobs, etc. I just think it's more than that. I think the spark has never been there, and I can't force it. I can't ask him to be someone he isn't, and I can't force those feelings inside me.
I've tried spicing things up in the bedroom. I've talked to him about my desire and how I feel like something is missing. I've talked to my therapist about it. She pointed out that I've been bringing up my lack of attraction to him since at least 2008.
So, here I am...trying to decide what to do. I almost had an affair recently, having met someone online that was in a similar situation as me. We had so much in common and loved talking to each other. We finally ended it completely when we had decided to meet for lunch but chickened out. Realizing it was going to lead to heartache, since we knew we couldn't really be together.
Part of me feels liberated thinking about divorce, but then the rest of me feels sad and guilty about thinking about it. He doesn't deserve it. But at what point do I put my own feelings first? Or am I just being stupid in thinking that a relationship can have both friendship and sexual attraction?
Put the internet to work for you.
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