I have been very busy with work, studies and kids so no time to post. Finally the break is here and thought I'll just update or pour down my thought.
I came here with lots of complain that my husband does this, does not do this, I need this and that....(sorry that I am not going into details just tired of typing it) well, basically I was wondering if he is passive aggressive, has childhood issues or just don't care about me.
We spoke in lengths about his childhood and it does seem like a lot can be explained by his childhood experiences. He did not want to go for any counselling. After talking he seemed a lot happier and his usual self seemed to have returned. And for me, I did not feel much resentment over the past incidents after hearing his stories. I told him how I feel and what are my needs, he listened and said he did not know how to help me but promised to try.
Some of my complains remained unchanged except his expression of love became more frequent ( he has always expressed his love in a way he knows), more gifts and pampering for me plus he stopped checking out other women frequently. Nothing else changed, he still gave me silent treatment at times or clammed up if I asked the wrong questions.
And something unplanned happened last month, I was about to travel alone to my home town for a week to settle some family matters and my childhood guy friend offered to help me sort things out as I am going alone (I needed help actually due to the nature of the matter). This guy knows our family from young and sent me a friend request on FB a year ago (H knows about it right away because he had crush on me when we were teens but I did not not). I told H that he wants to help and if he is okay with it, the answer was a big NO and that the first time he ever reacted that way. He straight away booked flight for the whole family to go with me to settle the matter and asked me to decline the help. Well, I did as he said. A lot of talking followed this incident and I do understand him better now.
In sum, I am confident that I do not have any more resentment that I have been carrying for a few years now (I don't know how did that happen), I am not planning to ask him to change any more and I hope not to ponder over the past as it brings unpleasant memories for him. I have always loved him very much and know that he has too, so not going to make life complicated. One of my close friends says I am leaving some tables unturned, well I am not sure about that at this point.
Do share your stories if you have been in similar situations, overcome resentment or did not manage to overcome. My case is not very serious, no cheating involved (some lies years ago and some small matters), it looks small and trivial to me at this point but not sure how will I feel in the future.
I came here with lots of complain that my husband does this, does not do this, I need this and that....(sorry that I am not going into details just tired of typing it) well, basically I was wondering if he is passive aggressive, has childhood issues or just don't care about me.
We spoke in lengths about his childhood and it does seem like a lot can be explained by his childhood experiences. He did not want to go for any counselling. After talking he seemed a lot happier and his usual self seemed to have returned. And for me, I did not feel much resentment over the past incidents after hearing his stories. I told him how I feel and what are my needs, he listened and said he did not know how to help me but promised to try.
Some of my complains remained unchanged except his expression of love became more frequent ( he has always expressed his love in a way he knows), more gifts and pampering for me plus he stopped checking out other women frequently. Nothing else changed, he still gave me silent treatment at times or clammed up if I asked the wrong questions.
And something unplanned happened last month, I was about to travel alone to my home town for a week to settle some family matters and my childhood guy friend offered to help me sort things out as I am going alone (I needed help actually due to the nature of the matter). This guy knows our family from young and sent me a friend request on FB a year ago (H knows about it right away because he had crush on me when we were teens but I did not not). I told H that he wants to help and if he is okay with it, the answer was a big NO and that the first time he ever reacted that way. He straight away booked flight for the whole family to go with me to settle the matter and asked me to decline the help. Well, I did as he said. A lot of talking followed this incident and I do understand him better now.
In sum, I am confident that I do not have any more resentment that I have been carrying for a few years now (I don't know how did that happen), I am not planning to ask him to change any more and I hope not to ponder over the past as it brings unpleasant memories for him. I have always loved him very much and know that he has too, so not going to make life complicated. One of my close friends says I am leaving some tables unturned, well I am not sure about that at this point.
Do share your stories if you have been in similar situations, overcome resentment or did not manage to overcome. My case is not very serious, no cheating involved (some lies years ago and some small matters), it looks small and trivial to me at this point but not sure how will I feel in the future.
Put the internet to work for you.
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