We're so different. I am not his ideal and he's not mine either. Truth is, I don't even like him. And if it weren't for our kids I would probably never ever want to see his face again for the rest of my life.
This is actually really therapeutic for me. Bear with me.
I feel like he wants me to look like a JLo kind of woman (absolutely no offense to anyone out there!!! Ok. We're all different and that's ok, I think JLo is beautiful) BUT, I'm more of a Zooey Dechanel kind of gal. So, I really don't like that he wants me to physically look a certain way when it's not in my nature. I don't want to wear booty shorts with heels. omg (rolling eyes). I want to wear my jeans, a tshirt and some Dr. Martens boots. When I do my hair, he doesn't like it. I wear lipstick and he doesn't like the color. I do feel good about myself, I love myself. I have a healthy self esteem, but sadly he does not. He redirects his low self esteem on me. I usually just ask him what he wants me to wear. And, the kids, forget it, I just let him change their clothes because he's so picky.
You know, bottom line is I don't really care about him at all. If he were to cheat on me again, I wouldn't even care, in fact I would be so happy because I could finally be free. It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that I think I'm a strong little lady, but I continue to let him manipulate me in every possible way. I know the healthiest thing for my boys and I is to kick him out. Oh, but he won't go. I had to go through drastic lengths to get him out last time. If I tried to leave him, I know he would get physical with me. He's such a p.o.s. on so many levels, it's ridiculous. I don't understand what is wrong with me. Why am I so scared??
I'm preparing myself to leave him. Read my other threads in indfidelity, you will see. Such a tangled web I've gotten myself into. It's all so complex and messy now. I'm in the process of making a plan. I've already gotten my own checking account with direct deposit, got my car, the condo's under my name. I really don't want anything from him except for him to pay his own bills and half of what the kids need.
This is actually really therapeutic for me. Bear with me.
I feel like he wants me to look like a JLo kind of woman (absolutely no offense to anyone out there!!! Ok. We're all different and that's ok, I think JLo is beautiful) BUT, I'm more of a Zooey Dechanel kind of gal. So, I really don't like that he wants me to physically look a certain way when it's not in my nature. I don't want to wear booty shorts with heels. omg (rolling eyes). I want to wear my jeans, a tshirt and some Dr. Martens boots. When I do my hair, he doesn't like it. I wear lipstick and he doesn't like the color. I do feel good about myself, I love myself. I have a healthy self esteem, but sadly he does not. He redirects his low self esteem on me. I usually just ask him what he wants me to wear. And, the kids, forget it, I just let him change their clothes because he's so picky.
You know, bottom line is I don't really care about him at all. If he were to cheat on me again, I wouldn't even care, in fact I would be so happy because I could finally be free. It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that I think I'm a strong little lady, but I continue to let him manipulate me in every possible way. I know the healthiest thing for my boys and I is to kick him out. Oh, but he won't go. I had to go through drastic lengths to get him out last time. If I tried to leave him, I know he would get physical with me. He's such a p.o.s. on so many levels, it's ridiculous. I don't understand what is wrong with me. Why am I so scared??
I'm preparing myself to leave him. Read my other threads in indfidelity, you will see. Such a tangled web I've gotten myself into. It's all so complex and messy now. I'm in the process of making a plan. I've already gotten my own checking account with direct deposit, got my car, the condo's under my name. I really don't want anything from him except for him to pay his own bills and half of what the kids need.
Put the internet to work for you.
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