This is a lot of TMI, if you don't want to read it that's fine!
Through a history of an abusive relationship and being raped, I've not been able to ever orgasm during sex with my, even when I was with my ex for 2 years who was amazing, sweet and caring. I can't relax enough during sex to orgasm and I stop any clit stimulation (which is what I need) and if I think about it I panic and stress out. I haven't told this to any of my partners and I've faked it (which I know is unforgivable, but I would never tell them.) I've felt like a failure for not being able to and just thinking about it makes me stress out and that makes anything less likely.
However I am able to orgasm by masturbation and can sometimes have 20+ in one long session and it takes me 1-3 minutes each time. Over the last few years I've been using a bullet vibrator and it makes it much more pleasurable and faster.
I'm single now but this habit of me faking with boyfriends obviously needs to stop. However, I'm feeling really nervous about relaxing with someone enough to do it, and if I tell him I would feel pressured.
First question: Does anyone have any advice?
Second question: Since I get such quick and great results with a vibrator, how would guys feel if I asked if we could maybe incorporate that in sex?
Sorry if this is too detailed :(
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