I first posted in another forum, but my situation has changed and this seems a more appropriate forum. I pasted my original thread below.
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/conside...eone-else.html
Basically my wife and I got involved young and had a child. We have been together 19 years and married 10 years next month. About 3 years ago I discovered she was having an emotional affair with a coworker. After confronting her I thought she regretted it and it would end. Silly me. It did not end and every so often I would discover this. Over the years I had asked if she wanted to go to MC and she never would. After the EA, I told her we had to. She went unwillingly 4-5 times and then she stopped. After finding out they still contacted each other I started IC. It seemed like it stopped about 9 months ago.
She took a job on another floor at the hospital (she's a nurse) and things seemed like they were going really good between us (finally). Looks can be deceiving. I noticed an crazy number of texts on the phone bill to one number. I found out it was a different guy she works with. I confronted her and she lied and said it was a female. I called her out and she admitted it was another coworker going through a divorce and having a hard time. She said she was scared to tell me because of the past.
A couple weeks later I found some messages where he said he wanted her, sent her a kiss emoji, said he missed her and she said she missed him. I confronted her and finally she said she needed space to figure things out. Space from me but not the OM. Long story short, on April 1 she said she didn't want to do this anymore so here we are, planning for D. I told her since she wants it she has to start the process. We both agreed to mediation. Gave her a couple days to call. Took over a week. Didn't understand the delay since she wants D. This is her personality though. Has never addressed problems or communicated, defensive.
Our appointment isn't for another 2 weeks. I told her I want to tell our 17 year old but she doesn't want to until we meet with thE mediator. I am afraid he will figure something out. Neither of us are wearing our rings and she sleeps in our younger boys room (4 and 6 years old). I also want to call the realtor as we have to sell the house but she wants to wait for that also. I told her I want to get this over ASAP so me and the boys can heal and move on. She continues these EA's and it kills me to see her. Whenever she is on her phone I assume it is with the OM. I tried for so long to make this work. Big mistake.
Since all this happened I decided to take the high road. I am practicing a limited 180 since we are in the same house with kids. I talk only about the kids and am civil and polite. I say hello and goodbye. But she has had an attitude throughout. My IC said she probably doesn't want to say anything to me, especially since she said I act like nothing is wrong. Yeah, because of the kids.
It is so hard to be in this house with her. I really do love her and deep down part of me wants her to realize what she did and to be truly remorseful. I know this won't happen, and this is probably for the best. It's making me mental though.
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/conside...eone-else.html
Basically my wife and I got involved young and had a child. We have been together 19 years and married 10 years next month. About 3 years ago I discovered she was having an emotional affair with a coworker. After confronting her I thought she regretted it and it would end. Silly me. It did not end and every so often I would discover this. Over the years I had asked if she wanted to go to MC and she never would. After the EA, I told her we had to. She went unwillingly 4-5 times and then she stopped. After finding out they still contacted each other I started IC. It seemed like it stopped about 9 months ago.
She took a job on another floor at the hospital (she's a nurse) and things seemed like they were going really good between us (finally). Looks can be deceiving. I noticed an crazy number of texts on the phone bill to one number. I found out it was a different guy she works with. I confronted her and she lied and said it was a female. I called her out and she admitted it was another coworker going through a divorce and having a hard time. She said she was scared to tell me because of the past.
A couple weeks later I found some messages where he said he wanted her, sent her a kiss emoji, said he missed her and she said she missed him. I confronted her and finally she said she needed space to figure things out. Space from me but not the OM. Long story short, on April 1 she said she didn't want to do this anymore so here we are, planning for D. I told her since she wants it she has to start the process. We both agreed to mediation. Gave her a couple days to call. Took over a week. Didn't understand the delay since she wants D. This is her personality though. Has never addressed problems or communicated, defensive.
Our appointment isn't for another 2 weeks. I told her I want to tell our 17 year old but she doesn't want to until we meet with thE mediator. I am afraid he will figure something out. Neither of us are wearing our rings and she sleeps in our younger boys room (4 and 6 years old). I also want to call the realtor as we have to sell the house but she wants to wait for that also. I told her I want to get this over ASAP so me and the boys can heal and move on. She continues these EA's and it kills me to see her. Whenever she is on her phone I assume it is with the OM. I tried for so long to make this work. Big mistake.
Since all this happened I decided to take the high road. I am practicing a limited 180 since we are in the same house with kids. I talk only about the kids and am civil and polite. I say hello and goodbye. But she has had an attitude throughout. My IC said she probably doesn't want to say anything to me, especially since she said I act like nothing is wrong. Yeah, because of the kids.
It is so hard to be in this house with her. I really do love her and deep down part of me wants her to realize what she did and to be truly remorseful. I know this won't happen, and this is probably for the best. It's making me mental though.
Put the internet to work for you.
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