I'll try to make this as short as possible but enough to get context.
Married for 11 years, kids grown and gone. In early days, I was shall we say 'electronically' un-faithful but not physically. Nothing of substance, simply seeking childish titalation online. No relationships whatsoever ever established with anyone.
Anyway, wife found out on both occasions and we discussed and dealt with it but it's never out of my wife's mind. Recently she thought I was at it again but I wasn't. But that's the life I live now, forever being convicted of the same charge over and over. Things came to a head in October and I was sure we were breaking up. Partly because she can't live without the trust and partly because I've had it being accused of stuff I'm not doing. I understand where it's coming from but I can't go on.
She's been seeing a therapist to help her deal with the mis-trust. About a month ago I asked her if she was in love with me. She said she loved me and I said 'that's not the same thing'. She said she couldn't tell me that right now. From that point, we've been good, but I'm not wearing my wedding band anymore. When she figures out what she wants she can give it to me.
So that's the background. On the surface, things are good. We have great sex, seem loving, socialize etc...but there's that 'thing' in the background that makes me walk on egg shells thinking she'll hit the road at the drop of a hat.
Now, I'm about to go on a 1-year contract overseas by myself. Although she's hiding it, I know she's kind of relieved and looking forward to her time alone. Myself, I'm going to miss her immensely and actually fear I won't last the entire contract for how much I'll miss her. I think the distance will do her good. She's always been independent. She's tired of the rutt of her work...and I guess the rutt of our marriage and probably see's this as a fresh start. If it helps her, then great.
But I'm tired of being a chump. I've done these contracts a couple of times before and quite honestly I suffer greatly for the significant pay increase but never see the rewards when I get home. ie: bills haven't gone down. She just gets to live a little better while I'm on these contracts if you know what I mean. This time, with the situation of our marriage, I'm thinking 'should we consider ourselves on a trial separation' and I'll just send her money for the bills and that's it.
I may sound awful here but my mind is saying, "you don't want to give me all of you...well, I'm not giving you all of me and mine". Why suffer for a marriage she's not 100% interested in?
My heart wants to sit down with her before I go and lay things out but man oh man...that's not going to be pretty. Maybe I'll write her a letter to be opened when I'm gone? But that's pretty cowardly....am I wrong? Any advice?
Married for 11 years, kids grown and gone. In early days, I was shall we say 'electronically' un-faithful but not physically. Nothing of substance, simply seeking childish titalation online. No relationships whatsoever ever established with anyone.
Anyway, wife found out on both occasions and we discussed and dealt with it but it's never out of my wife's mind. Recently she thought I was at it again but I wasn't. But that's the life I live now, forever being convicted of the same charge over and over. Things came to a head in October and I was sure we were breaking up. Partly because she can't live without the trust and partly because I've had it being accused of stuff I'm not doing. I understand where it's coming from but I can't go on.
She's been seeing a therapist to help her deal with the mis-trust. About a month ago I asked her if she was in love with me. She said she loved me and I said 'that's not the same thing'. She said she couldn't tell me that right now. From that point, we've been good, but I'm not wearing my wedding band anymore. When she figures out what she wants she can give it to me.
So that's the background. On the surface, things are good. We have great sex, seem loving, socialize etc...but there's that 'thing' in the background that makes me walk on egg shells thinking she'll hit the road at the drop of a hat.
Now, I'm about to go on a 1-year contract overseas by myself. Although she's hiding it, I know she's kind of relieved and looking forward to her time alone. Myself, I'm going to miss her immensely and actually fear I won't last the entire contract for how much I'll miss her. I think the distance will do her good. She's always been independent. She's tired of the rutt of her work...and I guess the rutt of our marriage and probably see's this as a fresh start. If it helps her, then great.
But I'm tired of being a chump. I've done these contracts a couple of times before and quite honestly I suffer greatly for the significant pay increase but never see the rewards when I get home. ie: bills haven't gone down. She just gets to live a little better while I'm on these contracts if you know what I mean. This time, with the situation of our marriage, I'm thinking 'should we consider ourselves on a trial separation' and I'll just send her money for the bills and that's it.
I may sound awful here but my mind is saying, "you don't want to give me all of you...well, I'm not giving you all of me and mine". Why suffer for a marriage she's not 100% interested in?
My heart wants to sit down with her before I go and lay things out but man oh man...that's not going to be pretty. Maybe I'll write her a letter to be opened when I'm gone? But that's pretty cowardly....am I wrong? Any advice?
Put the internet to work for you.
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