I tried to post this earlier but couldn't. I posted it on another forum and only got a few responses, so thought that I would come here.
Here is my story:
I'm 37, wife is 35, and our son is 7. We've been together for 17 years and married for 14 of them.
Yesterday morning while I'm sitting at work I get a text from her that says we need to talk. I say okay, thinking she'll talk to me after we get out of work and are at home together.
Instead, she texts me I THINK I HAVE FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE ELSE. IT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE THINKING THOUGH. IT'S A WOMAN. My anger gets the best of me and reply with SO NOW YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU'RE A DYKE?
Her next text says SEE, THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T WANT TO TALK 2 U ABOUT THIS IN PERSON. BECUZ YOU ACT LIKE THIS.
After I can't believe what she's saying, she says I FEEL ASHAMED & EMBARRASSED ENOUGH AS IT IS. I COULDN'T HIDE THIS FROM YOU, BUT I'M AFRAID YOU'RE GOING TO GET ANGRY.
When we discussed the matter in the privacy of our own home, she says she felt the need to be honest with me but was afraid as to how I'd respond. She says that when I get angry or hurt, I slam doors, say very mean things under my breath, and if I'm really upset, I'll jump in my truck and drive away like a maniac, peeling out of the parking lot. She said she texted me about this because she didn't want to see any of that.
The other woman is her dentist. My wife has been going to this big corporate dentist practice for the past 2 months. They do everything you can imagine there, they're an all-in-one place. My wife is getting some routine work done, additional cleanings and cosmetic dentistry, so she's been there quite a bit. I'd say at least 8 times over the past 2 months and has a few more to go to. As my wife explained it and I'll do my best to relay that to you out there, is that at first, she just thought her dentist was pretty. I've heard women say those kind of things before, something a man would never do, so we both didn't think anything of it.
Then, after her 3rd visit, she noticed that she was excited to see her dentist. As she describes it, her face would light up when her dentist would come out to greet her. W says they spent most of the time that they were talking with gigantic smiles on their faces and she felt very happy in her presence.
She says that by the 4th visit, she knew that something was going on within herself, but had doubts and casted them aside. That was until the OW/Dentist came out and my wife felt butterflies in her stomach and then the OW held her hand all the way to the exam room; my wife says she felt a lightning bolt run through her body. The OW did this to reassure my wife about a procedure and made her calm by rubbing her shoulder and arm. I asked her if this was out of the ordinary for a dentist and she said that healthcare professionals often do this to calm the patients' nerves. She said she wasn't deluding herself into thinking it was anything sexual, and all that concerned my wife was the way that she, herself, felt about it.
Again they spent that visit laughing and getting along quite well. On the 5th visit, OW comments about how beautiful my wife is and that she wanted to tell her that she loved her outfit the last time she was there; my wife enjoys the attention and so she says, it really freaks her out.
W says that while waiting for the 6th appointment, she was ready to cancel, but it was the day before her appt and had to go or else be charged a no-show fee. On this visit, W says that she felt completely taken with the OW. This causes her much anxiety, so much so that on this visit she's acting different with her and now is putting up a wall. My W says that instead of laughing and have a great time, she makes sure she is deadpan and unreceptive. The OW asks her if she's okay or if she's nervous. When she's about to give her a shot to numb her mouth, OW begins to rub her arm and my W stops her and tells her that she's had a cold and doesn't want the OW to catch it because she's been coughing all over herself. My W says she runs out the business, a wreck.
This 6th appointment was 2 weeks ago. W says she spent a week agonizing over this and questioning her sexuality and what it meant for our marriage. She said she figured if she was gay, she wouldn't be attracted to any men, but she's still attracted to me and obviously guys she meets while she's out/sees in movies. She's still confused, but still looking forward to see OW again, and is obsessing over this.
Before going to her 7th appointment, she calls to meet with the head guy in charge of the practice and she requests that she be transferred to another dentist. She says that when the man consistently asks her if the OW didn't do a good job, she asks him if she provide the real reason to him "off the record" and won't be attached to her medical file. He agrees and she tells him the issue. He laughs and says THIS IS A FIRST, but agrees to transfer her. This hurts me because she revealed her feelings to this guy before she talked to me about it.
On her 7th appointment, she sits in the corner of the office lobby, just in case OW might come out but she doesn't and they don't run into one another.
My wife said that she has no delusions that there maybe a future with the OW, and this is about her own feelings and not the OW'd. She says she has no chance with the OW and vice versa (OW is married with 4 kids). She said her own feelings freaked her out and scared her.
She admitted that while she imagined what it would be like to hang out with the OW and hold her and kiss her, that's where it ended. She said sex with another female didn't sound appealing, but that she did fantasize about the kissing and holding and companionship.
I asked her about the qualities she saw in the OW and she said that she's kind, gentle, takes very good care of her and goes out of her way to do so and it doesn't hurt that she's beautiful. She said that if they knew each other outside of the office, that they would probably be very good friends kind of thing.
Background:
We haven't had sex in almost 6 months. I've had ED trouble and we've had issues for a while. About 3 months ago, my W threatened to leave me; she said that even though she's willing to be supportive of my issues, I had to show her I was doing something about them. As of that time, I hadn't visited the doctor or researched the issue for myself or tried to eat better or exercise (I'm a little out of shape). I still haven't done that even though I keep promising her. I want to work on it for us and have a good sex life but I get tired and lazy. I work many hours and have to put time in while at home. Before my wife had gone to this dentist, she commented to me that EVERYDAY YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS ISSUE, IS A SLAP IN THE FACE TO ME AND OUR MARRIAGE.
She also says that when something happens that I don't like, that I act like a teenager throwing a temper tantrum; I slam doors, sometimes throw things (not at her)- like if I have a pen, I'll throw it at my desk, or I'll need to take a drive but I make sure she sees and hears me and I peel out of the parking lot and drive fast. When she wanted to leave me 3 months ago, she also mentioned these issues in addition to our sex life.
To be honest, she's probably been talking about it for the past 2 years.
She said she's tired of it all and that I work at our marriage for a week or so and then when things get back to normal and we're happy again, I get lazy and don't do anything to keep working on it.
After talking about things, she said that she still loves me but she's been unhappy in the marriage for a while, way before this OW (this is true). She also says she's never felt this way about a woman before.
She doesn't know what to do about these feelings and thinks she needs to see a therapist.
I love her and don't want her to leave, but am confused over her feelings. I couldn't imagine my life without her and I see how much pain she's been in over these ED troubles of mine. I want to have sex with her, I really do, but I'm out of shape and then my mind messes with me and I get stressed and anxious. She says I don't bring up the sex issue enough and that over the past 6 months, I've only addressed the issue a couple of times.
I don't bring it up because I know it will start a fight and I just want us to be happy.
I'm also hurt about her feelings for someone else and the fact that they are over a woman. I think we both feel lost and confused. I think she wants to stay with me, I mean, she's still here. And I don't want to lose her.
Here is my story:
I'm 37, wife is 35, and our son is 7. We've been together for 17 years and married for 14 of them.
Yesterday morning while I'm sitting at work I get a text from her that says we need to talk. I say okay, thinking she'll talk to me after we get out of work and are at home together.
Instead, she texts me I THINK I HAVE FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE ELSE. IT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE THINKING THOUGH. IT'S A WOMAN. My anger gets the best of me and reply with SO NOW YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU'RE A DYKE?
Her next text says SEE, THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T WANT TO TALK 2 U ABOUT THIS IN PERSON. BECUZ YOU ACT LIKE THIS.
After I can't believe what she's saying, she says I FEEL ASHAMED & EMBARRASSED ENOUGH AS IT IS. I COULDN'T HIDE THIS FROM YOU, BUT I'M AFRAID YOU'RE GOING TO GET ANGRY.
When we discussed the matter in the privacy of our own home, she says she felt the need to be honest with me but was afraid as to how I'd respond. She says that when I get angry or hurt, I slam doors, say very mean things under my breath, and if I'm really upset, I'll jump in my truck and drive away like a maniac, peeling out of the parking lot. She said she texted me about this because she didn't want to see any of that.
The other woman is her dentist. My wife has been going to this big corporate dentist practice for the past 2 months. They do everything you can imagine there, they're an all-in-one place. My wife is getting some routine work done, additional cleanings and cosmetic dentistry, so she's been there quite a bit. I'd say at least 8 times over the past 2 months and has a few more to go to. As my wife explained it and I'll do my best to relay that to you out there, is that at first, she just thought her dentist was pretty. I've heard women say those kind of things before, something a man would never do, so we both didn't think anything of it.
Then, after her 3rd visit, she noticed that she was excited to see her dentist. As she describes it, her face would light up when her dentist would come out to greet her. W says they spent most of the time that they were talking with gigantic smiles on their faces and she felt very happy in her presence.
She says that by the 4th visit, she knew that something was going on within herself, but had doubts and casted them aside. That was until the OW/Dentist came out and my wife felt butterflies in her stomach and then the OW held her hand all the way to the exam room; my wife says she felt a lightning bolt run through her body. The OW did this to reassure my wife about a procedure and made her calm by rubbing her shoulder and arm. I asked her if this was out of the ordinary for a dentist and she said that healthcare professionals often do this to calm the patients' nerves. She said she wasn't deluding herself into thinking it was anything sexual, and all that concerned my wife was the way that she, herself, felt about it.
Again they spent that visit laughing and getting along quite well. On the 5th visit, OW comments about how beautiful my wife is and that she wanted to tell her that she loved her outfit the last time she was there; my wife enjoys the attention and so she says, it really freaks her out.
W says that while waiting for the 6th appointment, she was ready to cancel, but it was the day before her appt and had to go or else be charged a no-show fee. On this visit, W says that she felt completely taken with the OW. This causes her much anxiety, so much so that on this visit she's acting different with her and now is putting up a wall. My W says that instead of laughing and have a great time, she makes sure she is deadpan and unreceptive. The OW asks her if she's okay or if she's nervous. When she's about to give her a shot to numb her mouth, OW begins to rub her arm and my W stops her and tells her that she's had a cold and doesn't want the OW to catch it because she's been coughing all over herself. My W says she runs out the business, a wreck.
This 6th appointment was 2 weeks ago. W says she spent a week agonizing over this and questioning her sexuality and what it meant for our marriage. She said she figured if she was gay, she wouldn't be attracted to any men, but she's still attracted to me and obviously guys she meets while she's out/sees in movies. She's still confused, but still looking forward to see OW again, and is obsessing over this.
Before going to her 7th appointment, she calls to meet with the head guy in charge of the practice and she requests that she be transferred to another dentist. She says that when the man consistently asks her if the OW didn't do a good job, she asks him if she provide the real reason to him "off the record" and won't be attached to her medical file. He agrees and she tells him the issue. He laughs and says THIS IS A FIRST, but agrees to transfer her. This hurts me because she revealed her feelings to this guy before she talked to me about it.
On her 7th appointment, she sits in the corner of the office lobby, just in case OW might come out but she doesn't and they don't run into one another.
My wife said that she has no delusions that there maybe a future with the OW, and this is about her own feelings and not the OW'd. She says she has no chance with the OW and vice versa (OW is married with 4 kids). She said her own feelings freaked her out and scared her.
She admitted that while she imagined what it would be like to hang out with the OW and hold her and kiss her, that's where it ended. She said sex with another female didn't sound appealing, but that she did fantasize about the kissing and holding and companionship.
I asked her about the qualities she saw in the OW and she said that she's kind, gentle, takes very good care of her and goes out of her way to do so and it doesn't hurt that she's beautiful. She said that if they knew each other outside of the office, that they would probably be very good friends kind of thing.
Background:
We haven't had sex in almost 6 months. I've had ED trouble and we've had issues for a while. About 3 months ago, my W threatened to leave me; she said that even though she's willing to be supportive of my issues, I had to show her I was doing something about them. As of that time, I hadn't visited the doctor or researched the issue for myself or tried to eat better or exercise (I'm a little out of shape). I still haven't done that even though I keep promising her. I want to work on it for us and have a good sex life but I get tired and lazy. I work many hours and have to put time in while at home. Before my wife had gone to this dentist, she commented to me that EVERYDAY YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS ISSUE, IS A SLAP IN THE FACE TO ME AND OUR MARRIAGE.
She also says that when something happens that I don't like, that I act like a teenager throwing a temper tantrum; I slam doors, sometimes throw things (not at her)- like if I have a pen, I'll throw it at my desk, or I'll need to take a drive but I make sure she sees and hears me and I peel out of the parking lot and drive fast. When she wanted to leave me 3 months ago, she also mentioned these issues in addition to our sex life.
To be honest, she's probably been talking about it for the past 2 years.
She said she's tired of it all and that I work at our marriage for a week or so and then when things get back to normal and we're happy again, I get lazy and don't do anything to keep working on it.
After talking about things, she said that she still loves me but she's been unhappy in the marriage for a while, way before this OW (this is true). She also says she's never felt this way about a woman before.
She doesn't know what to do about these feelings and thinks she needs to see a therapist.
I love her and don't want her to leave, but am confused over her feelings. I couldn't imagine my life without her and I see how much pain she's been in over these ED troubles of mine. I want to have sex with her, I really do, but I'm out of shape and then my mind messes with me and I get stressed and anxious. She says I don't bring up the sex issue enough and that over the past 6 months, I've only addressed the issue a couple of times.
I don't bring it up because I know it will start a fight and I just want us to be happy.
I'm also hurt about her feelings for someone else and the fact that they are over a woman. I think we both feel lost and confused. I think she wants to stay with me, I mean, she's still here. And I don't want to lose her.
Put the internet to work for you.
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