Let me preface this by saying that I in no way blame my precious son for the problems I am having with my husband. My sweet innocent child is in no way responsible for my or my husbands actions or emotions. He is a blessing and I adore him.
That being said, here is my problem. Before my son was born we were struggling. There was a lack of affection and a noticeable distance between us that we couldn't quite resolve. We were working on our issues and starting to make some (not alot) but some headway. We were overjoyed to hear the news that we would be having a baby and for awhile we were actually doing pretty well (after a few heartfelt and tearsoaked conversations about our future. see previous posts of mine)
Fast forward to day one in the hospital. From the moment that my little one came into the world I was a smitten kitten. I'm so in love with this little guy it literally hurts sometimes. My husband was happy, but it seemed that he was missing that "spark" that a new baby brings into your eyes. He didn't seem to interested in bonding with him while we were in the hospital. Mind you little Killian was in the NICU so it was a difficult task to even see him, but still. I figured that bonding time would come eventually. Sometimes it can take awhile.
After a few weeks my husband was still very hands off when it came to the baby. He didn't want to feed him or diaper him or really even play with him. He would hold him on occasion, but if asked to watch him while I took a nap or something he would place him in his swing or basinnet across the room and leave him there, only tending to him when he cried. He wouldn't neglect the little guy, he just wasn't very into cuddling with him.
This whole time I was trying desperately to reach out to him and let him know that I still loved him just as much as the baby. I was thinking maybe he is just feeling some resentment or jealousy of the fact that there's a new little man in my life. But he didn't really reciprocate those feelings and the distance between us that we had worked so hard to erase was back in full force.
Now He is still not very interested in the baby or me. He spends alot of time on his video games or tuned out in his phone or Ipad. we had a discussion about this and we breached the subject of whether or not he still loved me or the baby. his response was that with all the stress going on and with his emotional detachment issues, it was hard to remember to love me through all the chaos going on. He said he isn't sure how he feels about me right now. He made it clear that he does care about me and his aim is not to hurt me, but he just isn't sure. As for the baby, he said he does love him, he's just having trouble bonding with him because of the situation going on and because of all the stress.
Now my husband is not really the mushy type anyways, but to hear that he isn't sure if he still loves me hurts me in ways I can't even describe.
I feel that I am partially at fault. I do tend to gripe at him alot about how he handles the baby. He doesn't want to get up with him at night, he doesn't want to take the time to feed him or change him. He hasn't bathed him even once and our child is 2 months old now. Most of the responsibilities have fallen on my shoulders. I didn't sign up to be a single parent but I feel like one. I get onto him about it because I don't want him to be so hands off. We made this baby together we should take care of him together.
My question is whether or not this is typical or normal of new parents. Why is he so distant from us? Should I be worried about our marriage heading for divorce? The thought has crossed my mind but Imagining life without him is heartbreaking. How much should I keep pouring myself into this relationship before it becomes too much?
That being said, here is my problem. Before my son was born we were struggling. There was a lack of affection and a noticeable distance between us that we couldn't quite resolve. We were working on our issues and starting to make some (not alot) but some headway. We were overjoyed to hear the news that we would be having a baby and for awhile we were actually doing pretty well (after a few heartfelt and tearsoaked conversations about our future. see previous posts of mine)
Fast forward to day one in the hospital. From the moment that my little one came into the world I was a smitten kitten. I'm so in love with this little guy it literally hurts sometimes. My husband was happy, but it seemed that he was missing that "spark" that a new baby brings into your eyes. He didn't seem to interested in bonding with him while we were in the hospital. Mind you little Killian was in the NICU so it was a difficult task to even see him, but still. I figured that bonding time would come eventually. Sometimes it can take awhile.
After a few weeks my husband was still very hands off when it came to the baby. He didn't want to feed him or diaper him or really even play with him. He would hold him on occasion, but if asked to watch him while I took a nap or something he would place him in his swing or basinnet across the room and leave him there, only tending to him when he cried. He wouldn't neglect the little guy, he just wasn't very into cuddling with him.
This whole time I was trying desperately to reach out to him and let him know that I still loved him just as much as the baby. I was thinking maybe he is just feeling some resentment or jealousy of the fact that there's a new little man in my life. But he didn't really reciprocate those feelings and the distance between us that we had worked so hard to erase was back in full force.
Now He is still not very interested in the baby or me. He spends alot of time on his video games or tuned out in his phone or Ipad. we had a discussion about this and we breached the subject of whether or not he still loved me or the baby. his response was that with all the stress going on and with his emotional detachment issues, it was hard to remember to love me through all the chaos going on. He said he isn't sure how he feels about me right now. He made it clear that he does care about me and his aim is not to hurt me, but he just isn't sure. As for the baby, he said he does love him, he's just having trouble bonding with him because of the situation going on and because of all the stress.
Now my husband is not really the mushy type anyways, but to hear that he isn't sure if he still loves me hurts me in ways I can't even describe.
I feel that I am partially at fault. I do tend to gripe at him alot about how he handles the baby. He doesn't want to get up with him at night, he doesn't want to take the time to feed him or change him. He hasn't bathed him even once and our child is 2 months old now. Most of the responsibilities have fallen on my shoulders. I didn't sign up to be a single parent but I feel like one. I get onto him about it because I don't want him to be so hands off. We made this baby together we should take care of him together.
My question is whether or not this is typical or normal of new parents. Why is he so distant from us? Should I be worried about our marriage heading for divorce? The thought has crossed my mind but Imagining life without him is heartbreaking. How much should I keep pouring myself into this relationship before it becomes too much?
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