I must apologize in advance that my post may be a little long; but I think it is necessary to narrate the whole series of events that lead to my current predicament.
It all started about 9 years ago when I was an undergraduate medical student in a foreign country. I met this girl who was also a freshman from my country at another university. We became friends, and that quickly blossomed into a romantic relationship. We were both young, ambitious and full of zest. Friendship morphed into a steady relationship and all was well and dandy until she returned home for vacation (we're both from the same country) and came back crying because she discovered something about our past that was unknown to both of us.
As it turned out, our parents (mothers to be specific) were once colleagues, who worked in the same field. Sometime in our lives (when we were toddlers), they had a very bitter fallout that lead to dire consequences to her family. Now, neither of us was privy to this past history at the time we met and we were both so in love, by the time she found out; that we didn't bother to find out about our family background.
She was instructed by her family to end the relationship; which she refused to do, instead we continued to date over the course of the next 3 years keeping the relationship a secret. I graduated top of my class and she was by my side, we had planned to get married when she graduated. During the course of our relationship; we got pregnant, but decided to terminate it because we were both not ready for it yet. It was a traumatic event for both of us, but we moved on. I stayed on in the that foreign country to work as a physician, while she completed medical school; however toward the end I was so busy with work, and preparing for postgraduate training that we spent little time together, in hindsight we may have experienced a transient lull in our relationship. All of a sudden, her family gave her an ultimatum to end the relationship or else they would disown her. Now to western readers this may seem a small thing, but in our culture, parental recognition and blessing is of para mount importance to every individual; and loosing that is viewed as a curse. In the end, she ended our relationship, because in her words she was "forced to choose between family and me". I hurt, so bad. I was devastated, felt like the first half of my 20s was wasted.
Shortly after that, I picked up the pieces and left for graduate school in Europe, where I tried to heal, and channel my emotions on the work that I was doing. I was passionate about medicine; I wanted to save the world. My now "ex girlfriend" notified me that she was seeing someone new; and that she was happy with him; and that her family likes him. I was devastated; but happy for her at the same time. Even though I still loved her, I didn't want to ruin her happiness; so I moved on.
While in Europe, I was introduced to another girl by a childhood friend. She was a very nice girl; we started talking online first then moved to talking on the phone every day; this went on for about a year and she came to visit me in Europe (she was in the West Indies). We had a lovely time there. She came from a conservative family who did not condone premarital dating so, again we had to keep the relationship under wraps. I got married to her after a year of meeting her; and we moved to the united states where I practice as a physician. We have a lovely daughter and life was good.
Throughout all of this, I thought I had moved on, but then I found that I was occasionally veering off into daydreams about my ex; and how life would have been if we were still together. I repressed these thoughts and emotions; I prayed about it, knowing that she was happy in her relationship. Then I found out that her relationship ended; and she was single. My memories and emotions of our relationship became more frequent and stronger; I yearned for her, and I kept having flashbacks about the times we spent together. My marriage, though happy was lacking something......
Now, I am torn between sacrificing my emotions; for the sake of providing a loving home for my daughter or going for my heart and risk loosing everything I've worked for thus far. I made the mistake of talking to my ex and, like a Tsunami the emotions burst out on both sides. The family feud still persists, with her family glad that I am out of her life; but we both still truly have feelings for each other.
So, there goes my tragedy. I want to be a good father to my daugher, and at the same time I do not want to hurt my wife, who has been nothing but exceptional. It hurts so bad that I find myself wishing that this is all one bad dream and that I will wake up in the morning and everything will be okay.
It all started about 9 years ago when I was an undergraduate medical student in a foreign country. I met this girl who was also a freshman from my country at another university. We became friends, and that quickly blossomed into a romantic relationship. We were both young, ambitious and full of zest. Friendship morphed into a steady relationship and all was well and dandy until she returned home for vacation (we're both from the same country) and came back crying because she discovered something about our past that was unknown to both of us.
As it turned out, our parents (mothers to be specific) were once colleagues, who worked in the same field. Sometime in our lives (when we were toddlers), they had a very bitter fallout that lead to dire consequences to her family. Now, neither of us was privy to this past history at the time we met and we were both so in love, by the time she found out; that we didn't bother to find out about our family background.
She was instructed by her family to end the relationship; which she refused to do, instead we continued to date over the course of the next 3 years keeping the relationship a secret. I graduated top of my class and she was by my side, we had planned to get married when she graduated. During the course of our relationship; we got pregnant, but decided to terminate it because we were both not ready for it yet. It was a traumatic event for both of us, but we moved on. I stayed on in the that foreign country to work as a physician, while she completed medical school; however toward the end I was so busy with work, and preparing for postgraduate training that we spent little time together, in hindsight we may have experienced a transient lull in our relationship. All of a sudden, her family gave her an ultimatum to end the relationship or else they would disown her. Now to western readers this may seem a small thing, but in our culture, parental recognition and blessing is of para mount importance to every individual; and loosing that is viewed as a curse. In the end, she ended our relationship, because in her words she was "forced to choose between family and me". I hurt, so bad. I was devastated, felt like the first half of my 20s was wasted.
Shortly after that, I picked up the pieces and left for graduate school in Europe, where I tried to heal, and channel my emotions on the work that I was doing. I was passionate about medicine; I wanted to save the world. My now "ex girlfriend" notified me that she was seeing someone new; and that she was happy with him; and that her family likes him. I was devastated; but happy for her at the same time. Even though I still loved her, I didn't want to ruin her happiness; so I moved on.
While in Europe, I was introduced to another girl by a childhood friend. She was a very nice girl; we started talking online first then moved to talking on the phone every day; this went on for about a year and she came to visit me in Europe (she was in the West Indies). We had a lovely time there. She came from a conservative family who did not condone premarital dating so, again we had to keep the relationship under wraps. I got married to her after a year of meeting her; and we moved to the united states where I practice as a physician. We have a lovely daughter and life was good.
Throughout all of this, I thought I had moved on, but then I found that I was occasionally veering off into daydreams about my ex; and how life would have been if we were still together. I repressed these thoughts and emotions; I prayed about it, knowing that she was happy in her relationship. Then I found out that her relationship ended; and she was single. My memories and emotions of our relationship became more frequent and stronger; I yearned for her, and I kept having flashbacks about the times we spent together. My marriage, though happy was lacking something......
Now, I am torn between sacrificing my emotions; for the sake of providing a loving home for my daughter or going for my heart and risk loosing everything I've worked for thus far. I made the mistake of talking to my ex and, like a Tsunami the emotions burst out on both sides. The family feud still persists, with her family glad that I am out of her life; but we both still truly have feelings for each other.
So, there goes my tragedy. I want to be a good father to my daugher, and at the same time I do not want to hurt my wife, who has been nothing but exceptional. It hurts so bad that I find myself wishing that this is all one bad dream and that I will wake up in the morning and everything will be okay.
Put the internet to work for you.
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