I don't want to sound like an ass but it's becoming a huge problem.
We are in our 40's. When we started dating she was 120 pounds. She is now 220 pounds. I have gained 20 - 25 pounds since high school all after quitting smoking a few years ago. I am working out and trying to lose it.
The problem is this. She has zero girl game. Doesn't try to be sexy. Doesn't initiate. Seems to be low desire. So it's up to me to do all the work.
My past experience with heavier girls is they usually go out of there to be exceptional in other areas to make up for the fact they are overweight.
I love my wife and will continue to love her. But it would seem that love and attraction are not necessarily mutually exclusive. I am now getting completely unattracted to her. She has gained 100 pounds. She does not wear it well. I don't think it's even possible to wear 100 pounds well. She does not put any effort into our sex life. She does not try to be sexy at all.
I have hinted at her working out, I have offered to do it with her, I have cooked healthy meals (but she just snacks later on on something unhealthy because it didn't "fill' her) I'm out a ideas.
I haven't been blunt and to the point about her being fat and me being unattracted for a few reasons. One I don't want to be mean and hurt her. Two.... our sex life is already lacking and I"m quite sure this would kill it completely. I'm still attractive and get attention all the time from other woman even friends of my wifes. I don't cheat.
I don't know what to do here. I'm sure I'm going to get flamed and maybe I deserve it. But attraction is not a choice. I'm fine with a few extra pounds. Even 30 or 40 pounds. I was even fine up to about 175 pounds which was a 55 pound weight gain. But passed that I just can't ignore it. I have always found fat a total turn off. Combine that with no other stimulation.... because she basically leaves me to run the show...... and I'm hand tied. I still want to be sexual.... because I enjoy it and I like to connect with her... but I'm not physically stimulated. And she's generally not engaging me otherwise... therefore I find I am initiating less and less.
We are in our 40's. When we started dating she was 120 pounds. She is now 220 pounds. I have gained 20 - 25 pounds since high school all after quitting smoking a few years ago. I am working out and trying to lose it.
The problem is this. She has zero girl game. Doesn't try to be sexy. Doesn't initiate. Seems to be low desire. So it's up to me to do all the work.
My past experience with heavier girls is they usually go out of there to be exceptional in other areas to make up for the fact they are overweight.
I love my wife and will continue to love her. But it would seem that love and attraction are not necessarily mutually exclusive. I am now getting completely unattracted to her. She has gained 100 pounds. She does not wear it well. I don't think it's even possible to wear 100 pounds well. She does not put any effort into our sex life. She does not try to be sexy at all.
I have hinted at her working out, I have offered to do it with her, I have cooked healthy meals (but she just snacks later on on something unhealthy because it didn't "fill' her) I'm out a ideas.
I haven't been blunt and to the point about her being fat and me being unattracted for a few reasons. One I don't want to be mean and hurt her. Two.... our sex life is already lacking and I"m quite sure this would kill it completely. I'm still attractive and get attention all the time from other woman even friends of my wifes. I don't cheat.
I don't know what to do here. I'm sure I'm going to get flamed and maybe I deserve it. But attraction is not a choice. I'm fine with a few extra pounds. Even 30 or 40 pounds. I was even fine up to about 175 pounds which was a 55 pound weight gain. But passed that I just can't ignore it. I have always found fat a total turn off. Combine that with no other stimulation.... because she basically leaves me to run the show...... and I'm hand tied. I still want to be sexual.... because I enjoy it and I like to connect with her... but I'm not physically stimulated. And she's generally not engaging me otherwise... therefore I find I am initiating less and less.
Put the internet to work for you.
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