I've been wanting to leave my marriage for years. Every time I'm close, something gets in the way. Three deaths in my family, my husband's cancer, the diagnosis of both kids with ADHD.
For many years now, I've been trying to communicate with my H. He's a true conflict avoider, a Mr. Nice Guy, and passive aggressive. I, in turn, have become bitter, resentful, and honestly mean at times. This has come as a result of our inability to discuss, much less resolve any conflicts.
Whenever he thinks I'm serious, he turns things around. He starts trying. The things I've asked of him don't seem big to me: respond when I speak to him, have ideas about how to fix problems with the kids, focus on the conversation if the topic is important, that kind of thing.
So this week I told him I'm moving out in January. He does another one of his turnarounds. Truthfully, he's been trying more lately, but it has felt like too little too late.
But in the last two days he has seemed genuinely engaged. He has finally said that he would be a fool to let our marriage go. This is the first time he's ever said anything like this. In the past, he's always threatened me with his perspective on how I won't be able to live financially without him. He tried to play into my fears, in other words, instead of fighting for our marriage.
So he's doing some of what is needed, but it's only made me depressed. I don't trust him. I had a vision for my future where there weren't daily fights, where I was free to breathe in my own home, where I had a chance to make a new life. It feels like it's too late for everything he's doing, that he'll just fall right back into old ways once he thinks I'm going to stay.
I'm so torn. I really don't want my marriage anymore. I wanted go find happiness living alone. There's no one else, so no need to even ask. I just want the emptiness I feel when I'm with him to go away.
But as I said, we have two kids with special needs. They are struggling and our DD8 has hit a rough spot and been in trouble at school. I don't know if she's reacting to all the tension in our home or what. DS6 told us (and I found a note he wrote) that all he wants for thanksgiving is for his mom and dad to stop fighting. God, that broke my heart!
What do I do!!?? We've tried MC, but it falls apart within just a handful of visits. And I would be honest with the therapist and say that I don't trust him and don't want to be with him and am only doing it for the kids.
I know some people can live this way, but I don't know if I can: pretending. That would be what it requires. It's no way to live!
For many years now, I've been trying to communicate with my H. He's a true conflict avoider, a Mr. Nice Guy, and passive aggressive. I, in turn, have become bitter, resentful, and honestly mean at times. This has come as a result of our inability to discuss, much less resolve any conflicts.
Whenever he thinks I'm serious, he turns things around. He starts trying. The things I've asked of him don't seem big to me: respond when I speak to him, have ideas about how to fix problems with the kids, focus on the conversation if the topic is important, that kind of thing.
So this week I told him I'm moving out in January. He does another one of his turnarounds. Truthfully, he's been trying more lately, but it has felt like too little too late.
But in the last two days he has seemed genuinely engaged. He has finally said that he would be a fool to let our marriage go. This is the first time he's ever said anything like this. In the past, he's always threatened me with his perspective on how I won't be able to live financially without him. He tried to play into my fears, in other words, instead of fighting for our marriage.
So he's doing some of what is needed, but it's only made me depressed. I don't trust him. I had a vision for my future where there weren't daily fights, where I was free to breathe in my own home, where I had a chance to make a new life. It feels like it's too late for everything he's doing, that he'll just fall right back into old ways once he thinks I'm going to stay.
I'm so torn. I really don't want my marriage anymore. I wanted go find happiness living alone. There's no one else, so no need to even ask. I just want the emptiness I feel when I'm with him to go away.
But as I said, we have two kids with special needs. They are struggling and our DD8 has hit a rough spot and been in trouble at school. I don't know if she's reacting to all the tension in our home or what. DS6 told us (and I found a note he wrote) that all he wants for thanksgiving is for his mom and dad to stop fighting. God, that broke my heart!
What do I do!!?? We've tried MC, but it falls apart within just a handful of visits. And I would be honest with the therapist and say that I don't trust him and don't want to be with him and am only doing it for the kids.
I know some people can live this way, but I don't know if I can: pretending. That would be what it requires. It's no way to live!
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