I met my best friend at university in first year. We have a whole bunch in common-we were doing the same degree, we had done a similar art couse during our gap year before uni, we laugh at the same things and are really on the same wave length. I met him when I was having problems with a long term boyfriend, I liked him but never said anything.
2 years later I broke up with my long term boyfriend whilst on my Erasmus year and met another guy straight away. My best friend back home suggested I give myself a break. Meanwhile he had recently started a relationship with another girl.
During the summer I had real problems with this second long-term boyfriend, he broke up with me in Japan due to ongoing anxiety problems (though we fixed things, temporarily). First thing I thought was to ring my best friend. I was crying to him at 3am his time and he told me to continue the trip and think about what to do next.
When I returned to my university city I had a dramatic weekend breakup in Germany/amsterdam (don't ask) and now I am single. Since September my best friend has been telling me about the problems he has been having in his own relationship-from arguments to incompatible futures and manners of living. I went to his halloween party and his good friend started chatting me up and invited me to hang out the next week. We met a few times and ended up seeing each other for a month. It kind of ended last week through mutual indifference even though it was fun whilst it lasted. When I told my best friend it was fading somehow we got to this point online, where he said to me "If circumstances were different we'd make a pretty good couple, I think. Odd thought". We ended up elaborating and I admitted to having liked him from the start. He said it was a similar story for him, and that, though he was embarrassed to say it, with me he felt a love at first sight moment when he first met me. < br />
We have met a few times in the last couple of weeks and he has said how he is pretty sure he is with the wrong girl but doesn't know what to do because he still enjoys hanging out with his girlfriend and stuff, and he doesn't want to break her heart. They do argue a lot though and when it happens it sounds like it's going to disintegrate. I have never argued with him or had any conflict.
He said he had a dream where he told me he was with the wrong person and that he loved me and stuff, then woke up feeling really guilty as his girlfriend was cuddling him.
Right now I am being super cautious, making sure I say nothing negative about his girlfriend in order to influence his decision. I have actually said "think carefully, every partner you will have will have faults which may annoy you" and words to similar effect.
I am now not sure whether these complaints about his girlfriend were true or whether he was trying to gage how I felt about him. I do find it weird if I imagine crossing certain boundaries with him, i.e. sleeping with him, but I guess it could be overcome.
What do I do? Do I just stay away and risk missing out on a really good relationship with my best friend or do I allow my thoughts to colour his?
Put the internet to work for you.
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