My Mum and I generally get on okay most of the time - our main arguments seem to be about politics (I'm a leftie, she's a UKIP/BNP-lover, who is blatantly racist, throws the 'p' word around like it's nothing and then shouts me down for calling her a racist *ahem*) Anyway, that aside, when we're not talking about anything political we are generally fine. But when we have an argument she turns into a complete monster. She had an argument with my Dad today because he moved some old board games into a box to take to storage and she had a fit over it, claiming he'd lost some felt tip pens and then planted them in a different area so as to look like it was her that had got it wrong. Given that I thought this was unbelievably trivial, I sided with my Dad on the issue. Now - although she won't accept it - we all believe that she is a hoarder. A chronic one really. She keeps newspapers/magazines that are ten years old; stuff that we get through the post etc. Our house was beautiful when we moved in but she's trashed it with all her junk. She goes crazy if anything of hers, no matter how trivial, is moved. She complains that no one ever helps her, but whenever we do she goes crazy if things aren't done under her supervision. I can't even let my friends in when they call around because my Mum's so embarrassed by the mess; we haven't had our grandparents around in nearly 8 years and they never have friends or family around themselves.
Today, for siding with my Dad she screamed in my face and called me an 'ungrateful bitch.' I honestly feel like I hate her right now. She knows how much I detest that word and I've never called her that to her face. I ended up crying a lot because I'm a wimp. I then said to her, "Do you really think I'm a bitch?" and she essentially said yes. Her reason I'm an ungrateful 'bitch' apparently is because I don't help enough around the house - especially near Christmas. But see my above reasoning - whenever I do help I get complained at. I'm also studying full-time and have an ongoing illness, so I'm not exactly bounding with energy. Neither is she bounding with energy - she has SAD and a reversed sleep pattern (which is partly her fault, she stays up watching soaps and the news even when she's tired.) But I still feel the way she's treating me is extremely unfair. I think I'm generally a kind person and do my best for people.
So the things I'm wondering:
How to convince someone who is as stubborn/deluded as her that they have a problem when it comes to hoarding?
Even if she apologises, should I forgive her. Whenever she does apologise, I do, but I'm seriously considering taking a stand and just telling her to piss off. I'm sick of being insulted for no legitimate reason and the insults and level of anger get worse and worse every time. On the one hand, I don't want to ruin my relationship with her which is fine 90% of the time, but I'm also sick to the bone of dealing with her acting like a three-year-old/her over the top anger and her general heartlessness in arguments.
I'm leaving for uni next year so thank god I'm getting away - but in the meantime, just don't know what to do. I've never met anyone so stubborn and yet she doesn't even see herself as stubborn.
Put the internet to work for you.
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