Some background: I'm American, my partner is German and we are currently living in Australia. We are both expats and have been together 3 years. He moved here for a 4 year contract for his job, and I followed. His family is still in Germany, mine is in America.
I come from a background of abuse from my mother - general verbal and emotional, but at times physical as well. I currently work in social work as a caseworker for child protection.
Generally, my partner and I don't fight. When we do, it's often over something small and non hurtful (you took my keys with you to work) and blows over within a few minutes and is not seen again. We make an effort to show each other we love each other, am constantly supporting one another, etc.
When we first got together, I disclosed my history of abuse as a child and told him that I wouldn't tolerate anybody swearing or abusing me. So far, he never has. We've had the rare "Fck you!" followed by an apology and rarely has it escalated beyond that.
Last night, he went to a bachelor party and I went to a bachelorette party. He and I are feminists and he's spoken about sex trafficking in the past which led me to think that he would go to the strip club with the boys, but not partake in getting a lap dance, giving tips, etc. I assumed he'd be an observer and mentally was OK with it - but we'd never talked about it before.
He was sober at the party. Meanwhile, I was with the girls and I got very very drunk. He texted me that he'd put some of his friend's money in the strippers garder thingy, and yeah - this made me really angry. Probably mostly because of the alcohol and because it made me jealous/upset. So I said some extremely mean things (I hate you, F*** you, I wish I never met you, etc.) Which is way beyond anything we've said before and it completely reminds me of how my mom used to speak to me. And my partner would never speak to me that way - ever!
So, he took screenshots of this and sent it to some of our mutual friends I was with, asking if I was acting angry in person (I wasn't, I didn't tell any of my friends my thoughts). So obviously this is embarrassing and in my opinion, so childish! It was sent to one girl I don't know very well, and the other girl felt really awkward when she received it!
Fast forward to last night, I came up and went to bed without speaking to him.
This morning I apologized for what I'd said over and over and left it at that. He ignored me and then I had to drive him to his car. He ignored me in the car and only said things like, "you're so mean." and "When we met, you said you would leave someone if they spoke like that to you."
UGH. I just feel so guilty and doomed to mimic my mom's behavior whenever I want attention. Like I also think the stripping scenario warrants a discussion but that me verbally abusing him completely writes it off as an issue. Like my evilness has eclipsed any problem I wanted to bring up on his end.
Now he's continued to ignore me and we won't be seeing each other until late at night. I can't focus on my work and just don't know how to control myself when I'm angry (usually I can talk myself down, but I was very drunk and didn't last night). I'm scared that I just scarred the whole relationship.
I come from a background of abuse from my mother - general verbal and emotional, but at times physical as well. I currently work in social work as a caseworker for child protection.
Generally, my partner and I don't fight. When we do, it's often over something small and non hurtful (you took my keys with you to work) and blows over within a few minutes and is not seen again. We make an effort to show each other we love each other, am constantly supporting one another, etc.
When we first got together, I disclosed my history of abuse as a child and told him that I wouldn't tolerate anybody swearing or abusing me. So far, he never has. We've had the rare "Fck you!" followed by an apology and rarely has it escalated beyond that.
Last night, he went to a bachelor party and I went to a bachelorette party. He and I are feminists and he's spoken about sex trafficking in the past which led me to think that he would go to the strip club with the boys, but not partake in getting a lap dance, giving tips, etc. I assumed he'd be an observer and mentally was OK with it - but we'd never talked about it before.
He was sober at the party. Meanwhile, I was with the girls and I got very very drunk. He texted me that he'd put some of his friend's money in the strippers garder thingy, and yeah - this made me really angry. Probably mostly because of the alcohol and because it made me jealous/upset. So I said some extremely mean things (I hate you, F*** you, I wish I never met you, etc.) Which is way beyond anything we've said before and it completely reminds me of how my mom used to speak to me. And my partner would never speak to me that way - ever!
So, he took screenshots of this and sent it to some of our mutual friends I was with, asking if I was acting angry in person (I wasn't, I didn't tell any of my friends my thoughts). So obviously this is embarrassing and in my opinion, so childish! It was sent to one girl I don't know very well, and the other girl felt really awkward when she received it!
Fast forward to last night, I came up and went to bed without speaking to him.
This morning I apologized for what I'd said over and over and left it at that. He ignored me and then I had to drive him to his car. He ignored me in the car and only said things like, "you're so mean." and "When we met, you said you would leave someone if they spoke like that to you."
UGH. I just feel so guilty and doomed to mimic my mom's behavior whenever I want attention. Like I also think the stripping scenario warrants a discussion but that me verbally abusing him completely writes it off as an issue. Like my evilness has eclipsed any problem I wanted to bring up on his end.
Now he's continued to ignore me and we won't be seeing each other until late at night. I can't focus on my work and just don't know how to control myself when I'm angry (usually I can talk myself down, but I was very drunk and didn't last night). I'm scared that I just scarred the whole relationship.
Put the internet to work for you.
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