Hello,
My husband and I have been married for nearly 11 years, we have children, and I thought we were relatively content. He has always seemed a little secretive, which I put down to him being the only child of an only child.
We had had a disagreement a few nights before over handling of our child's behaviour, and afterwards he kept shutting down the window on his laptop whenever I came near. So I checked the history, and it was full of porn, live cam sites, a porn chat forum, an alias email address, a suicide forum and information about bipolar.
I tackled him about it all immediately, and he seemed so devestated. He says it has all been looking, not meeting anyone, and he is so sorry. He says he is not suicidal, he says he thought he might have bipolar, but now doesn't. I think he is depressed, and has been for a while, but until this revelation he has denied the possibility. I want to believe him. I love him so much, until that day I wanted more children with him. But now I cannot trust him. He said this has going on for years.
The email alias is what is causing me the biggest issue. I hacked it (I know I shouldn't have, but I needed to know). And now I can't get rid of the idea there are more aliases. I find myself checking for possible psuedonyms on Google, checking the email address (he has now shut it down), hunting for him on Facebook (He left around about the time this must have started).
I don't know what to do. I want to trust my husband. I want to know what I need to do to heal this. But at the moment I feel like I am constantly watching what he is doing at home. When he is at work I am wondering if he is really at work. His job has some rather sporadic hours, and I am wondering if it really does or if it was a cover. Of course he is saying he was always at work, but if he is lying to me he would say that. I have no way to check.
I feel like I am going mad.
My husband and I have been married for nearly 11 years, we have children, and I thought we were relatively content. He has always seemed a little secretive, which I put down to him being the only child of an only child.
We had had a disagreement a few nights before over handling of our child's behaviour, and afterwards he kept shutting down the window on his laptop whenever I came near. So I checked the history, and it was full of porn, live cam sites, a porn chat forum, an alias email address, a suicide forum and information about bipolar.
I tackled him about it all immediately, and he seemed so devestated. He says it has all been looking, not meeting anyone, and he is so sorry. He says he is not suicidal, he says he thought he might have bipolar, but now doesn't. I think he is depressed, and has been for a while, but until this revelation he has denied the possibility. I want to believe him. I love him so much, until that day I wanted more children with him. But now I cannot trust him. He said this has going on for years.
The email alias is what is causing me the biggest issue. I hacked it (I know I shouldn't have, but I needed to know). And now I can't get rid of the idea there are more aliases. I find myself checking for possible psuedonyms on Google, checking the email address (he has now shut it down), hunting for him on Facebook (He left around about the time this must have started).
I don't know what to do. I want to trust my husband. I want to know what I need to do to heal this. But at the moment I feel like I am constantly watching what he is doing at home. When he is at work I am wondering if he is really at work. His job has some rather sporadic hours, and I am wondering if it really does or if it was a cover. Of course he is saying he was always at work, but if he is lying to me he would say that. I have no way to check.
I feel like I am going mad.
Put the internet to work for you.
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