I don't know where to begin.
I am not in love with my husband. I love my husband. He is my friend. But I have no desire to be affectionate/sexual with him (and those things are really important to me). I also am fairly certain I can not live with him forever. He is so inconsiderate sometimes and we just are two very different people. That was fun when we were in our 20's. Now that I'm 30 and have a son under 2.. things are very different. Sometimes I am embarrassed of him. Or the way we live.
My parents divorced when I was young and I have a lot of mixed feelings about the impact a divorce would have on my son. I don't know if it's better to stay and be unhappy (what does that teach him?) or leave and he will have to watch me learn to be independent for probably the first time in my life and who knows how the joint custody situation would work.
I do not want animosity between my husband and I at all. But I know there would be. He is very devoted to me, except for his denial about his alcoholism. He loves me and I know he finds me attractive and has desire for me. I thought that maybe we could fix the romance and passion, but I don't think that anymore. He is a wonderful man, but I do not want him. Is that terrible? He will think so.
I am terrified of being alone. But that is part of what makes me feel like I need it. I need to be able to take care of myself. I stay at home with my son. I have no income. I have no savings. I have debt in my name. I am financially trapped, and I feel like that is terrible too. To stay because of money. My father has passed and my mother and I are estranged. I don't have anyone to go to for help if I need it. What if I can't find a job that pays for daycare? How do I pay my credit card bills?
I don't have anyone to confide in. I know I need to find the answers within myself, but I kind of just need to vent or get it out or something. It's so big and so heavy. I get tired every time I sit down to write about it. I'm so overwhelmed.
Am I just supposed to try to shake this off and just go on? Don't I deserve a life on fire? Is there such a thing as a happy healthy passionate marriage? Or do people just settle? Do I put my needs first? Or those of my husband? And what is really best for my son? Will I ever know for sure whether I am doing the right thing?
I am not in love with my husband. I love my husband. He is my friend. But I have no desire to be affectionate/sexual with him (and those things are really important to me). I also am fairly certain I can not live with him forever. He is so inconsiderate sometimes and we just are two very different people. That was fun when we were in our 20's. Now that I'm 30 and have a son under 2.. things are very different. Sometimes I am embarrassed of him. Or the way we live.
My parents divorced when I was young and I have a lot of mixed feelings about the impact a divorce would have on my son. I don't know if it's better to stay and be unhappy (what does that teach him?) or leave and he will have to watch me learn to be independent for probably the first time in my life and who knows how the joint custody situation would work.
I do not want animosity between my husband and I at all. But I know there would be. He is very devoted to me, except for his denial about his alcoholism. He loves me and I know he finds me attractive and has desire for me. I thought that maybe we could fix the romance and passion, but I don't think that anymore. He is a wonderful man, but I do not want him. Is that terrible? He will think so.
I am terrified of being alone. But that is part of what makes me feel like I need it. I need to be able to take care of myself. I stay at home with my son. I have no income. I have no savings. I have debt in my name. I am financially trapped, and I feel like that is terrible too. To stay because of money. My father has passed and my mother and I are estranged. I don't have anyone to go to for help if I need it. What if I can't find a job that pays for daycare? How do I pay my credit card bills?
I don't have anyone to confide in. I know I need to find the answers within myself, but I kind of just need to vent or get it out or something. It's so big and so heavy. I get tired every time I sit down to write about it. I'm so overwhelmed.
Am I just supposed to try to shake this off and just go on? Don't I deserve a life on fire? Is there such a thing as a happy healthy passionate marriage? Or do people just settle? Do I put my needs first? Or those of my husband? And what is really best for my son? Will I ever know for sure whether I am doing the right thing?
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