I really don't know where to start but I'll say that I found out that my wife cheated on me back in September. It was with an old friend of hers and I found out through her text messages and phone logs. She admitted to an emotional affair with kissing and touching but she would not admit to having sex with him. She even denied the affair for the first week. The only reason why she told the truth was because I talked to the other man and he told me that they had an relationship and that he was sorry. He said it was only emotional and they did not have sex. I told her mother and her sister and they pressured her to tell me the truth. Up until then, she swore that they were just friends and she said that I was just making up everything. I was devastated and I wanted to leave her. The only reason why I decided to stay was for my kids sake and she begged me to give the marriage another shot and said that she was sorry. After about a week of fighting, I tried t o get things to go back to normal. I tried to hug and kiss her and I told her that we will find a way to fix things.
I won't say that I am perfect because I am not. I served 9 years in the military and got injured. I'm a 70% disabled veteran and I receive services from the VA. I've been depressed over the years and went through bouts of suicide and loneliness. I have a few acquaintances and no close friends. I have been seeing a therapist at the VA for the past few years and I have taken medication to help. I've been told by my therapist that I'm too nice. She says that I am the type of person that will do anything to make everyone else happy even if it means that I'm not happy. She says that I agree with other people's opinions so I can be accepted. It kind of hurt to hear that and I didn't even want to believe it. It's funny because she told me that a few years back and now I'm starting to see that it was true.
I'm only telling this part about myself because it relates to the issues with my wife. We rarely had sex the past few years. When we first got together. Sex was great. Multiple times per day and during the week. A few years back, she said she didn't want to do oral anymore. This made me upset but I (like a dummy) just gave in. Then after that, she said that sex is painful and that I was hurting her during sex. I felt really bad about that and that's when the erectile dysfunction started. Since 2010, I've had a really tough time getting it up for her. I've tried cialis and it works sometimes but 90% of the time, I just can't get it up for her. She always blamed me and said that it was my problem. She's even asked me a few times if I was gay. I've gotten my testosterone checked and it was fine. It works in the morning when I wake up and I am aroused around other women. Our sex life for the past few years has consisted of me giving her oral and me getting a hand job in return. < br />
I felt really bad thinking I had a bad problem at such a young age but now after all these years, I'm starting to see that she had just as much to do with this as me (if not more). For one, she always like sleeping with the kids in the room. Even now, our oldest sleeps in a bed on the side of the room and the 3 year old sleeps in the bed with her. I have told her countless times that the kids need to sleep in their own room (we have a 3 bedroom home) and that we can't have sex with them in there. Also, she never really touches me sexually or makes me feel wanted. I don't get massages or bjs or anything else that I hear other men get. Our kisses are pretty much pecks and we've been living like roommates. I've tried giving her compliments and touching her sexually but all she says is thanks. I see now that she has created a environment where it's impossible for us to have sex because she doesn't want to. Even the therapist has told her that the kids should sleep in the other ro om but she doesn't listen. I know that if she was dating another new man, nobody would have to tell her to put the kids in another room when he came because she would do it automatically.
There have been other hints over the years too. Before I found out about her affair, I noticed she deleted me from her social media pages. If you look at her pictures and status, you would never know she was married to me. For a while, we used to fight because she never wore her ring. She would call me jealous and me being a nice guy, would always give in.
So back to what is going on now, she doesn't feel that her affair was her fault. She says that I drove her to cheat. On top of that, she doesn't even think it was an affair at all since they didn't have sex. I don't even believe that because if we weren't having sex, how could she not sleep with him since she liked him so much? We had a big fight about a week ago and I told her that I was sorry that I even found out about the affair. I told her is there anyway we can start over and work on our marriage. She said that she thinks that it's better that we separate. I told her that if we separate, I am gone for good and I am not coming back. She said "oh you'll be back". What does that even mean??? After that, I told her that I wanted a divorce and I immediately went online and printed out the packet. I filled out what I needed to and I wrote down all the bills and told her that she needs to pay half while I'm living there. She looked sad but just said ok. I was all set to start the process last Monday but I spoke to my therapist before hand. She told me it might be better to just separate and cool off for a while because I could always start the process later. Since then, I've moved all my things to the guest room. When she tries to talk to me, I barely say a word to her. I pretty much just interact with the kids and I've only spoken to her when it's concerning the kids.
I'm tired of being run over and lied too. I know that I've always been a nice person and that's something that I used to be proud of. I see now that people (even my own wife) take advantage of that in life. Right now, she has so much confidence that it just makes me furious. She's lost weight and bought new clothes and underwear. It just makes me upset. Ideally, I would want to work things out but I'm just tired of her trying to run over me. Is it worth trying to patch things up with her? Would sleeping in the other room lead to more problems down the line? She said before that I'm jealous and she doesn't like that I check her phone. Now, I try not to even look in her direction. It just bothers me all the time because I feel like this last 10 years was taken from me and it's all I can think about. If things stay sour, I will move out sometime next year and start my new life. Until then, I need something to keep me holding on and getting over her. As much as I love her, I know I can do better one day. This has been consuming my mind 24 hours a day and when I'm not working out or sleeping, it's all that's on my mind. Is this worth patching up or am I doing right by sleeping alone and ignoring her?
I won't say that I am perfect because I am not. I served 9 years in the military and got injured. I'm a 70% disabled veteran and I receive services from the VA. I've been depressed over the years and went through bouts of suicide and loneliness. I have a few acquaintances and no close friends. I have been seeing a therapist at the VA for the past few years and I have taken medication to help. I've been told by my therapist that I'm too nice. She says that I am the type of person that will do anything to make everyone else happy even if it means that I'm not happy. She says that I agree with other people's opinions so I can be accepted. It kind of hurt to hear that and I didn't even want to believe it. It's funny because she told me that a few years back and now I'm starting to see that it was true.
I'm only telling this part about myself because it relates to the issues with my wife. We rarely had sex the past few years. When we first got together. Sex was great. Multiple times per day and during the week. A few years back, she said she didn't want to do oral anymore. This made me upset but I (like a dummy) just gave in. Then after that, she said that sex is painful and that I was hurting her during sex. I felt really bad about that and that's when the erectile dysfunction started. Since 2010, I've had a really tough time getting it up for her. I've tried cialis and it works sometimes but 90% of the time, I just can't get it up for her. She always blamed me and said that it was my problem. She's even asked me a few times if I was gay. I've gotten my testosterone checked and it was fine. It works in the morning when I wake up and I am aroused around other women. Our sex life for the past few years has consisted of me giving her oral and me getting a hand job in return. < br />
I felt really bad thinking I had a bad problem at such a young age but now after all these years, I'm starting to see that she had just as much to do with this as me (if not more). For one, she always like sleeping with the kids in the room. Even now, our oldest sleeps in a bed on the side of the room and the 3 year old sleeps in the bed with her. I have told her countless times that the kids need to sleep in their own room (we have a 3 bedroom home) and that we can't have sex with them in there. Also, she never really touches me sexually or makes me feel wanted. I don't get massages or bjs or anything else that I hear other men get. Our kisses are pretty much pecks and we've been living like roommates. I've tried giving her compliments and touching her sexually but all she says is thanks. I see now that she has created a environment where it's impossible for us to have sex because she doesn't want to. Even the therapist has told her that the kids should sleep in the other ro om but she doesn't listen. I know that if she was dating another new man, nobody would have to tell her to put the kids in another room when he came because she would do it automatically.
There have been other hints over the years too. Before I found out about her affair, I noticed she deleted me from her social media pages. If you look at her pictures and status, you would never know she was married to me. For a while, we used to fight because she never wore her ring. She would call me jealous and me being a nice guy, would always give in.
So back to what is going on now, she doesn't feel that her affair was her fault. She says that I drove her to cheat. On top of that, she doesn't even think it was an affair at all since they didn't have sex. I don't even believe that because if we weren't having sex, how could she not sleep with him since she liked him so much? We had a big fight about a week ago and I told her that I was sorry that I even found out about the affair. I told her is there anyway we can start over and work on our marriage. She said that she thinks that it's better that we separate. I told her that if we separate, I am gone for good and I am not coming back. She said "oh you'll be back". What does that even mean??? After that, I told her that I wanted a divorce and I immediately went online and printed out the packet. I filled out what I needed to and I wrote down all the bills and told her that she needs to pay half while I'm living there. She looked sad but just said ok. I was all set to start the process last Monday but I spoke to my therapist before hand. She told me it might be better to just separate and cool off for a while because I could always start the process later. Since then, I've moved all my things to the guest room. When she tries to talk to me, I barely say a word to her. I pretty much just interact with the kids and I've only spoken to her when it's concerning the kids.
I'm tired of being run over and lied too. I know that I've always been a nice person and that's something that I used to be proud of. I see now that people (even my own wife) take advantage of that in life. Right now, she has so much confidence that it just makes me furious. She's lost weight and bought new clothes and underwear. It just makes me upset. Ideally, I would want to work things out but I'm just tired of her trying to run over me. Is it worth trying to patch things up with her? Would sleeping in the other room lead to more problems down the line? She said before that I'm jealous and she doesn't like that I check her phone. Now, I try not to even look in her direction. It just bothers me all the time because I feel like this last 10 years was taken from me and it's all I can think about. If things stay sour, I will move out sometime next year and start my new life. Until then, I need something to keep me holding on and getting over her. As much as I love her, I know I can do better one day. This has been consuming my mind 24 hours a day and when I'm not working out or sleeping, it's all that's on my mind. Is this worth patching up or am I doing right by sleeping alone and ignoring her?
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